Earthquakes, Hurricaines, and No Power, Oh My!

Wow. What a week! We began the week with an earthquake which is not typical for the area in which we live. There wasn't any damage to our home and we were not hurt but the kids were a little uncertain of what was going on since it was a new experience for them. Their understanding of earthquakes in general was formed after the earthquake in Japan this spring so their uneasiness was certainly understood.

We ended the week with a hurricane that produced heavy winds and ongoing rain. Weather reports throughout the storm were keeping everyone on their toes worried about possible flooding, widespread power outages, and likely other property damage due to heavy winds and downed trees. As the storm moved out of our area we felt blessed that we did not suffer any damages to our home and did not experience any flooding. We were however, left without power for a few days.

The week was humbling to say the least. It was yet another powerful reminder of how little control we have over so much in our lives. It reminded me of how quickly things can change from day to day and minute to minute. The weather events brought back front center the recognition that most tangible things really have little importance. Your priorities get in check and you begin to see what really matters.

The power outages reminded us of the many ways that folks pull together in a storm. There were memories created of family who brought us ice in a cooler to keep some perishable food and drinks safe and readily available, doughnuts, and their calming presence. This was key for the children to see that all was really ok. There were good friends who brought us additional ice, hot coffee (they know us all too well), and allowed us to borrow a working outlet in their house so we could cook a crock pot meal. There were neighbors who also shared their generator with us. This new found source of power allowed us to plug in our refrigerator which created a peace within my soul. I was afraid of losing all of my precious freezer meals that help to keep me sane during the weekday rush! Amen. In addition, neighbors who ventured out into the world by car were asking what others needed and a third sharing of hot coffee was discovered on my porch from yet another neighbor one early morning. Overall, it was nice to see more of our neighbors outside and this lack of power for a few days got people talking and helped to further that all too important sense of community that we all so desperately need in this world.

Since reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I have since kept up my list of things that I am grateful for each day. I find for me personally that keeping this list really helps me to slow down to see the simple blessings embedded within each day. I found myself listing many things during this storm. Being purposeful about gratitude did help me to remain more peaceful within this storm. Being purposeful about gratitude does cause a shift in negative thinking period.

I will end this post in hopes that this week is a little less eventful, weather wise anyway.

Side note...weather wise it was uneventful. It quite nice actually so far. Having a lack of power and scrmabling to enjoy those fleeting moments of summer, now that's a different story alltogether.

Yard Sale

It all started with a night out to our local favorite ice cream stand. That night a Summer List was created. That night it seemed as if we had endless nights of summer ahead, only now, they are all too soon slipping away. A Yard Sale and a Lemonade Stand were added to our list.

In June we read a really great family read aloud, The Lemonade War by Jacqueline Davies I think. Great book. All the while we enjoyed each and every page, the desire to have a lemonade stand grew even stronger.

We have a foundation set up in Jeremy's memory and so the children have been a very active part of that since it's origination. They all agreed to sell their toys and belongings of no longer use to them, to benefit the rays of Sunshine Foundation.
Can this be any sweeter?

The excitement is brewing as tomorrow is the big day! Wish us luck! I know no matter the outcome that a memory will be made in the hearts of three very special children. Grandparents have also stepped up to assist in their experience of the day and to encourage them along the way.

Tonight we were setting up and pricing things and then all of the sudden time stood still. I became lost in the memories of these treasured toys and the good memories attached to them. We send them on to the next owner with much love but I can't help the sad feelings that have invaded my soul unexpectedly. There are even funny visions of Toy Story running through my mind with our favorite toys panicking that they are being sold in a Yard Sale. Truth be told, we just don't have room for all this stuff and the new stuff that creeps in too! I worry that we will sell something that I may regret later on in life. I am just not super attached to things of this world anymore, the memory, yes, the stuff, no. I just hope I don't regret the purge. I do save a few extra special things and I hope that is sufficient as they all grow.

I am stunned that I have become so emotional about this tonight. Can anyone relate?
It seems as though we are moving and sifting out of the little kid stage so fast and I just wasn't ready nor I am feeling all that prepared for what's ahead. In fact the whole next step seems a little scary.

Fall Schedule

Our slow crawl into fall started yesterday. Our oldest is playing fall baseball and his first practice was last night. I couldn't help but to sigh with mixed emotion.

Sigh of happiness...
what a beautiful evening it was last night
my son loves baseball
what a great night to play baseball
great times are ahead watching him play ball
the structure and routine of what the school year brings, in most ways this structure and routine are good things

Sigh of letting go of summer...
summer is winding down
the busy fall schedule is upon us, not ahead, but here now
each week from here on out we will be adding to our schedule
it's going to get really busy
gone are the lazy days of summer and the lack of a busy schedule
gone will be the impromtu activities for the most part


I find myself sighing even as I write this post. Here comes fall!

Fun at the Fair

What a beautiful day! We got some boring errands out of the way early in the morning and then packed our lunches and headed to the pool! We came home, took a quick shower, then headed out to the fair.

We have our things to do at the fair...

Fresh squeezed lemonade with the colorful straws
Pit beef sandwiches
French Fries from the High School Booster Club
see the animals
check out the cool stuff in the 4H tents
play a few games
listen to the music
funnel cakes/fried dough
a ride on the merry go round, not sure if the kids will love me or hate me for this as the years pass

We love supporting the local schools, fireman associations, and places like the Lions club rather than the general fair set ups.

We left just as the major crowds were pouring in. We left watching the most beautiful sunset cast upon the farmland sky. You could almost catch the peace in your hands. You know those moments when time stands still for a brief second?

We left with smiles on our faces which quickly turned to solemn faces as we approached the cemetery. It is just not possible to be that close and to drive past Jeremy's grave. We are so grateful for the beautiful place where he is buried. It is so peaceful there...It is also hard to go from one extreme to another. Reality stares us in the face when we approach Jeremy's grave. A life that ended too soon for our standards, a life that was remarkable in it's entirety, a life that was treasured and loved so deeply, a life that continues to live on in many ways, a life that is simply stated, profoundly missed! We are a broken family. While we were there we discovered some major damage to Jeremy's headstone which I will need to call about next week. It was disturbing to see, but, none the less, caused most likely by accident.It happens... hopefully it will be fixed without a headache.

Miss that sweet boy and his presence in our everyday lives. Miss him everyday but especially when we are just living life to it's fullest potential and we feel that hole and our brokenness front and center. Missed him at the fair, missed him at bedtime, just miss him all the darn time.

I can only imagine that heaven is way better than a fair all the time!

I remember the amazing experience that I had at the fair last year. Thinking about it just filled me with an abundance of love this week. It has been a tougher time lately, but then again, I expected it to be so...


Bittersweet ending to a sweet day...

Grace

Grace was abundant yesterday.

It was found in the sunflowers that were wallpapered all over the hospital wall.

It was found in the multiple sunshines that were found in various places throughout our time there.

It was found in the tissues that I had to deliver to the PICU thanks to some recent and generous donations. This gave me a purpose and a grounding, if you will to reality. This renewed purpose helped to loosen the grip that fear was holding tightly over me.

Grace came when we visited the respite house that I hold near and dear to my heart and we were greeted with friendly faces with warm smiles and hugs. We had a donation to make there as well and so that was also a grounding experience as well.
I love being there, as a volunteer, that is.

Grace was found when an offer was made to help unload our car.

It was found in the beautiful Black Eyed Susans bouquet that we brought for the respite house.

Grace was found in the encouraging text messages from friends knowing my journey back there as a patient would emotionally be hard for me.

Grace came when the parking was generously made easy for me...

Grace was found in the babysitting for my other kids...

Grace was found in the beautiful weather with storybook picture clouds painted in the sky. It looked a Disney movie backdrop up in the sky yesterday.

It was found when I could use strategies learned in therapy to distance my mind from where it wanted to travel back in time.

Grace for the moment. It was waiting around each corner of the day. I did it. It wasn't easy but the day is behind me and I am ok. Jeremy is ok. My thirdling is ok. Nothing bad happened yesterday.

When You Lose Something You Cannot Replace

Tears stream down your face when you lose something that you cannot replace...the lyrics to a song playing into my ears that penetrates my soul...

Spent the day at the very hospital today where I was asked to walk away from my son for the last time on earth today...Why can't I get every last detail of the door frame out of my mind????
same doctors...

same clinic ...
He answered..
Same doctors, same clinic, different child Amy... Nothing bad is happening to Jeremy today sweet child. I have him. I have him sweet child of mine. He is healed. He is safe in the comfort of my arms. Jeremy is here give your energy to the other...
BREATHE

There are no rules...
no expected reactions or behaviors...not textbook people

raw emotion
that's what drives people like me each and every day.

grace for the moment
that it is all I can petition

reaction to REAL LIFE...

Someday I'm Gonna Miss This

There are a few sets of hands to help around the house.
There are few of hearts to mold and to teach about the ways of the world.

Simple tasks like refilling the toilet paper supply in the bathroom quickly become interesting. I'm sure the five star hotels would have a higher standard but I will try to overlook my instinctual perfectionist ways and take a moment to cherish these little nooks and crannies of evidence left behind by the little hands in our house.

These things will all too soon pass me by and I will miss these moments that make me smile.

Dilemna

I put several books on hold at our local library all at the same time assuming that they would stagger in and I would actually have time to read them.

I must have been dreaming...

They all came in at once and I haven't had a chance to read most of them. I am actually still reading Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet. I am enjoying the book just lacking the stillness I desire and crave to read it. There hasn't been much down time around here...