Dear Jeremy,
Happy 3rd Birthday to the sweetest baby angel that I have ever known.
Words cannot appropriately capture the feelings in my heart today.
Virtually all plans made by us to honor you have backfired in one way or another. This initially caused a great deal of frustration over the lack of being able to make time to do something special to honor you today. There was little that we could do about each of the circumstances that arose which prevented us from executing our plans. Eventually, with time, I was able to see that I needed to let go over that control too!
You are a part of who we are as a family every day, not just today, and you always will be. I wanted today to be more special mostly because you are not here for us to love all over , all the time. It was then that I realized that we do just that, we all love you with every cell in our bodies, all the time, every day. You feel our love transcend even to heaven, every single day. In all the right ways and in all the right times, you were loved while you were with us on earth. You will always be loved until our family chain is reconnected one by one.
While we couldn't celebrate your gift of life in the ways that we wanted, we do understand that we could never compete with what you have in heaven. I am grateful for the many ways that so many people shared their love for you today. Rest assured that you were not forgotten here on earth.
I am honored to be your mom. I have learned more from you than you will ever know.
I miss you so very much, every day, but especially today.
My Deepest Birthday Love to you on Angel's Wings,
Mommy
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving... Blessed to Bless
Thanksgiving, as defined in the dictionary, is the act of giving thanks or an expression of thanks.
It is a wonderful feeling to spend time reflecting the blessings in life, even in the midst of sadness. Wouldn't it be wonderful to feel this connected to our gratefulness every day of the year?
To do more...well that just takes to a new level don't you think?
Showing thanks for the blessings in your life can take many forms...the story that follows is just one. It all began with one person. One person inspired to do more than reflect upon her thankfulness. Her thoughts and actions soon inspired her family. As a family, they in turn inspired countless individuals to unite together to use their actions to reflect their thankfulness. One person started something that grew into something that will touch so many lives. The story of one that grew into infinity since we will really never know the end to this expression of gratitude for the many blessings in our lives. This story will most likely touch another human heart who will also become inspired and the story goes on and on, kind of amazing don't you think?
I have permission to share the story but have changed the names since I can't remember if I had permission to share personal information and I want to maintain some sort of privacy for those involved. Just in case...
Dear Amy,
I just finished sending an email to a friend talking about how grateful and blessed I have been feeling lately. So many events, stories, etc that help you to see things in a different light and with different perspective. This month has been full of these moments. Then I tuned into your blog--being grateful!
My daughter has 2 little friends that have had inspirational lives and moments. With two friends in her close circle of friends I felt the need to act. We asked for prayers and support of your family and the other friend and family. My heart was sad, but was soon smiling and overwhelmed by the support from people who do not know either family. I feel truly blessed to have such great friends and coworkers.
In honor of Jeremy's birthday and in honor of a speedy recovery for our other friend, we collected tissues. There are feelings of helplessness, wanting to help the families that are in need of love and support, but also questions--and not knowing what to do. So we thought of a little way to help. We truly are grateful. This week we collected 421 packs of tissues. I had happy tears every time someone handed me a pack of tissues. It didn't matter if it was a single pack...or multiple...or even if they said "I will keep these families in my prayers" I have never been a big hugger....but I guess I am now. I felt the need to hug everyone that handed me a pack or offered words of support.
I have 2 boxes to deliver to you. We put blue bows for Jeremy and stickers for the other child! I will put them in the van tomorrow...I never know when I might run into you. We will be playing soccer in the morning, so I may see you then. If not, if you can give me your house # I can drop them on your front porch.
I am indeed feeling grateful tonight- for my kids, our health, our family, for friends....and for this weekend...that will allow me to slow down, spend time with my children and appreciate very second that I have with them.
With a very grateful heart tonight,
C
Wow. Amazing. Wonderful. I know, it made me cry too! Tears of gratefulness though...
Here are a few other stories of ways that other Prayer Warriors have been blessed to bless others in need:
A dear friend of mine is collecting those sweet, soft, and cuddly Pillow Pets for the Children's Hospital where Jeremy was a patient. We have embraced this mission and whole heartily agree that these pillows will without a doubt be a comfort and help the children facing the holidays as patients in the hospital this year. Who wouldn't want want to cuddle one of those pillows? I know my kids LOVE them! Her family has set a goal to donate 200 Pillow Pets to the hospital this year. At last count they were nearing 100 so far. I pray that she reaches her goal! Whatever amount of pillows that is donated will surely be a blessing!
Someone else used his passion for our Lord and bike riding, his ability to recognize the blessing of his good health to even be able to ride, and his gratefulness for the many blessings in his life, to bless many others by riding in a special 62 mile ride in memory of Jeremy and to also raise funds and awareness for our foundation. We remain grateful and in awe of this amazing blessing of a friend and the ways he will bless so many with his generosity, time, and talents.
Another friend mentioned to me today a story about an evening playing Bingo with her family. This said friend won a pie at bingo that night. At first she was excited but quickly met a woman who she knew needed the pie more. My friend gave the woman the pie and thought the gift was so simple but would quickly learn it was much more than that. My friend realized that she had been placed in just the right place at just the right time. She learned just how much this pie would mean to someone who would likely spend the holiday alone,lonely, and without much means to provide a Thanksgiving holiday that many have the blessing to enjoy. One pie, a simple thing to some, yet a gift that had a profound impact on another human heart.
There is yet another faithful prayer warrior that I know planning to bless others this Christmas season. I am looking forward to hearing about her vision of hope and the ways that I can be of help to her as she puts her thoughts into actions.
Here is yet another link to blog with an awesome idea as well.
The list goes on and on...As I am writing this, I am feeling more grateful by the minute to be in the presence of so many people who are blessed to bless others. It really is contagious, in a good way. The real beauty in it all is that there isn't a right or wrong to bless someone in need. There isn't a dollar sign attached, there isn't a specific amount of time required, or a particular item needed. All you have to do is open your eyes, follow your heart, and respond with love. Be the hands and feet of Jesus on earth. Love others...I promise you won't miss the mark.
Feeling inspired and want to be a part of any of the above mentioned projects? Contact me via the comments and leave me your contact information, e-mail me, call me, wave me down....you know the drill by now.
Feeling inspired and have your own ideas? Please share. I'd love nothing more than to hear about your ideas.
With a Grateful Heart,
It is a wonderful feeling to spend time reflecting the blessings in life, even in the midst of sadness. Wouldn't it be wonderful to feel this connected to our gratefulness every day of the year?
To do more...well that just takes to a new level don't you think?
Showing thanks for the blessings in your life can take many forms...the story that follows is just one. It all began with one person. One person inspired to do more than reflect upon her thankfulness. Her thoughts and actions soon inspired her family. As a family, they in turn inspired countless individuals to unite together to use their actions to reflect their thankfulness. One person started something that grew into something that will touch so many lives. The story of one that grew into infinity since we will really never know the end to this expression of gratitude for the many blessings in our lives. This story will most likely touch another human heart who will also become inspired and the story goes on and on, kind of amazing don't you think?
I have permission to share the story but have changed the names since I can't remember if I had permission to share personal information and I want to maintain some sort of privacy for those involved. Just in case...
Dear Amy,
I just finished sending an email to a friend talking about how grateful and blessed I have been feeling lately. So many events, stories, etc that help you to see things in a different light and with different perspective. This month has been full of these moments. Then I tuned into your blog--being grateful!
My daughter has 2 little friends that have had inspirational lives and moments. With two friends in her close circle of friends I felt the need to act. We asked for prayers and support of your family and the other friend and family. My heart was sad, but was soon smiling and overwhelmed by the support from people who do not know either family. I feel truly blessed to have such great friends and coworkers.
In honor of Jeremy's birthday and in honor of a speedy recovery for our other friend, we collected tissues. There are feelings of helplessness, wanting to help the families that are in need of love and support, but also questions--and not knowing what to do. So we thought of a little way to help. We truly are grateful. This week we collected 421 packs of tissues. I had happy tears every time someone handed me a pack of tissues. It didn't matter if it was a single pack...or multiple...or even if they said "I will keep these families in my prayers" I have never been a big hugger....but I guess I am now. I felt the need to hug everyone that handed me a pack or offered words of support.
I have 2 boxes to deliver to you. We put blue bows for Jeremy and stickers for the other child! I will put them in the van tomorrow...I never know when I might run into you. We will be playing soccer in the morning, so I may see you then. If not, if you can give me your house # I can drop them on your front porch.
I am indeed feeling grateful tonight- for my kids, our health, our family, for friends....and for this weekend...that will allow me to slow down, spend time with my children and appreciate very second that I have with them.
With a very grateful heart tonight,
C
Wow. Amazing. Wonderful. I know, it made me cry too! Tears of gratefulness though...
Here are a few other stories of ways that other Prayer Warriors have been blessed to bless others in need:
A dear friend of mine is collecting those sweet, soft, and cuddly Pillow Pets for the Children's Hospital where Jeremy was a patient. We have embraced this mission and whole heartily agree that these pillows will without a doubt be a comfort and help the children facing the holidays as patients in the hospital this year. Who wouldn't want want to cuddle one of those pillows? I know my kids LOVE them! Her family has set a goal to donate 200 Pillow Pets to the hospital this year. At last count they were nearing 100 so far. I pray that she reaches her goal! Whatever amount of pillows that is donated will surely be a blessing!
Someone else used his passion for our Lord and bike riding, his ability to recognize the blessing of his good health to even be able to ride, and his gratefulness for the many blessings in his life, to bless many others by riding in a special 62 mile ride in memory of Jeremy and to also raise funds and awareness for our foundation. We remain grateful and in awe of this amazing blessing of a friend and the ways he will bless so many with his generosity, time, and talents.
Another friend mentioned to me today a story about an evening playing Bingo with her family. This said friend won a pie at bingo that night. At first she was excited but quickly met a woman who she knew needed the pie more. My friend gave the woman the pie and thought the gift was so simple but would quickly learn it was much more than that. My friend realized that she had been placed in just the right place at just the right time. She learned just how much this pie would mean to someone who would likely spend the holiday alone,lonely, and without much means to provide a Thanksgiving holiday that many have the blessing to enjoy. One pie, a simple thing to some, yet a gift that had a profound impact on another human heart.
There is yet another faithful prayer warrior that I know planning to bless others this Christmas season. I am looking forward to hearing about her vision of hope and the ways that I can be of help to her as she puts her thoughts into actions.
Here is yet another link to blog with an awesome idea as well.
The list goes on and on...As I am writing this, I am feeling more grateful by the minute to be in the presence of so many people who are blessed to bless others. It really is contagious, in a good way. The real beauty in it all is that there isn't a right or wrong to bless someone in need. There isn't a dollar sign attached, there isn't a specific amount of time required, or a particular item needed. All you have to do is open your eyes, follow your heart, and respond with love. Be the hands and feet of Jesus on earth. Love others...I promise you won't miss the mark.
Feeling inspired and want to be a part of any of the above mentioned projects? Contact me via the comments and leave me your contact information, e-mail me, call me, wave me down....you know the drill by now.
Feeling inspired and have your own ideas? Please share. I'd love nothing more than to hear about your ideas.
With a Grateful Heart,
Friday, November 19, 2010
Creating Sunshine
Creating Sunshine...well that has been my goal this month. I needed it to survive this month. I needed to actively seek out sunshine and freshen my perspective on life otherwise the pain would swallow me up. The pain is that big. It is that ugly.
It CAN also be that powerful. I still refuse to surrender to it completely. Some argue it is what I might try to heal. All this time, I really never have fully given in to it. I run from it. I try not to look at it too long. I try to change the subject. I try to see if it will be different tomorrow. I am falling faster and faster with Jeremy's birthday quickly approaching. In the midst of the fall I have noticed that I have for the first time seen growth and healing. I can also feel areas where I am falling right back into the trap of pain and unhealthy ways of coping.
Earlier this month I bought a present to remind myself that sunshine was indeed there each day for me to find, to unravel, to discover, and to enjoy.
How do you create sunshine? Please share...
It CAN also be that powerful. I still refuse to surrender to it completely. Some argue it is what I might try to heal. All this time, I really never have fully given in to it. I run from it. I try not to look at it too long. I try to change the subject. I try to see if it will be different tomorrow. I am falling faster and faster with Jeremy's birthday quickly approaching. In the midst of the fall I have noticed that I have for the first time seen growth and healing. I can also feel areas where I am falling right back into the trap of pain and unhealthy ways of coping.
Earlier this month I bought a present to remind myself that sunshine was indeed there each day for me to find, to unravel, to discover, and to enjoy.
How do you create sunshine? Please share...
Grateful Tree 2010
Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.
~George Herbert
I'm pretty sure that Target sells this purposed as a jewelry tree. In our house it serves as our Grateful Tree. Each night and sometimes more often we share the things we are thankful for each day. I record them on the itty bitty leaves and display them on the tree. It has become the focal point of our kitchen table. It is true, we each have much to be thankful for and I have enjoyed nurturing my children to grow more grateful hearts.Gratefulness is a trait that one should strive for each day but it is most commonly associated with this particular time of year.
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. ~W.T. Purkiser
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy
I plan to add the leaves to a scrapbook where we can look back and reflect the many blessings that have been in our lives. (one day)
Also pictured in the photo is the devotional that was mentioned in an earlier post. I am grateful for those that linked other calendar devotionals to me but unfortunately they were all by other artists by the same name, Chris Shea. Who knew there could be more than one artist named Chris Shea who designs devotional calendars? Well...by the looks of things, I will have to accept that this calendar will come to an end, as most things in life do, and that I will need to embrace a change again. I pray that the new calendar fills my soul with the simple lessons that are needed in the new year. Only God knows where this will lead. Any suggestions?
Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. ~Henry Ward Beecher
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Jeremy's Birthday Dinners
My monthly meal swap is tomorrow. I was assigned the Wild Card this month which means that I had the freedom to make whatever meal I wanted. This month I will be contributing a favorite family meal since I am all about comfort at this time in my life. It is a recipe that belongs to a special Aunt and I am so grateful that she shared it with my family and now yours too! You're the best Aunt Juney! I also happened to have some of the ingredients in my pantry and it is super easy to make. I really needed easy this month. I think I made a good choice this month and I hope everyone else agrees.
My Dinner Diva friends also surprised me with a sweet idea to help celebrate Jeremy's birthday. They decided to each make one extra meal this month and donate them to the Children's House, the respite home, that is near and dear to me. I thought it was a wonderful idea and I am grateful to have such amazing friends that have been by my side since the very beginning of Jeremy's story. Thank you for loving me and my family and for always standing up to do more, to share that love with others in need, in honor of Jeremy. It means more than you will ever know. We will never really know the ripple effect of this generosity and compassion for others.
Here is the recipe that I simply call Aunt Juney's Chicken:
Ingredients:
1 small bottle of Wishbone Russian Dressing
1 envelope of Lipton Onion Soup Mix
1 8 ounce jar of Apricot preserves
1/2 cup of walnuts chopped
1/2 to 3/4 cups of raisins
Mix ingredients together and pour over chicken. My favorite chicken to use in this recipe is boneless skinless thighs but it would work well with any chicken parts on the bone too. I use about about 1 1/2 lbs of chicken in each recipe. I portioned out about 2 thighs per person.
Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for about one hour and fifteen minutes or until chicken is fully cooked. We like to serve the dish over warm rice. A nice salad or other green vegetable would compliment the meal nicely. Enjoy.
My Dinner Diva friends also surprised me with a sweet idea to help celebrate Jeremy's birthday. They decided to each make one extra meal this month and donate them to the Children's House, the respite home, that is near and dear to me. I thought it was a wonderful idea and I am grateful to have such amazing friends that have been by my side since the very beginning of Jeremy's story. Thank you for loving me and my family and for always standing up to do more, to share that love with others in need, in honor of Jeremy. It means more than you will ever know. We will never really know the ripple effect of this generosity and compassion for others.
Here is the recipe that I simply call Aunt Juney's Chicken:
Ingredients:
1 small bottle of Wishbone Russian Dressing
1 envelope of Lipton Onion Soup Mix
1 8 ounce jar of Apricot preserves
1/2 cup of walnuts chopped
1/2 to 3/4 cups of raisins
Mix ingredients together and pour over chicken. My favorite chicken to use in this recipe is boneless skinless thighs but it would work well with any chicken parts on the bone too. I use about about 1 1/2 lbs of chicken in each recipe. I portioned out about 2 thighs per person.
Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for about one hour and fifteen minutes or until chicken is fully cooked. We like to serve the dish over warm rice. A nice salad or other green vegetable would compliment the meal nicely. Enjoy.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A Third Birthday is on the Horizon
Jeremy's birthday is quickly approaching. We plan to spend the day honoring his life and the gifts that he left within our hearts until the days when our family chain is reconnected.
Many have asked so I will share our personal thoughts on how others might choose to honor our son, Jeremy's, life alongside us this year on what would have been his third birthday. Please bear in mind these are merely suggestions and are not presented in any particular order of importance, each and every has a special meaning...
1. Call the Red Cross and give blood or platelets. There are a handful of folks already signed up and I am sure the Red Cross would welcome many more. Sadly, we have not organized this event on our own again this year but you CAN find a drive that is currently in place in area near you. Jeremy needed more units of blood and platelets than I could ever count. Giving life to someone else in great need in memory of Jeremy couldn't please us more . We would welcome help to organize a blood drive in our area if someone is willing to take that project on. I am willing to help but cannot take on that task alone.
2. We plan to donate books to the library within the hospital again this year. Our nuclear family have each chosen a title that has special meaning to us to share with other children that may utilize this wonderful resource at the hospital. We welcome other family, friends, and prayer warriors to please feel free to donate a book in Jeremy's memory and join us in providing comfort to other sick children. When the pain is so great that words do not come easily to speak, it is comforting to read books to your child. The children are in turn more peaceful and comforted by the sound of loving and familiar voices heard above the many hospital noises. Perhaps you have a children's book that you hold special in your heart that you might be willing to share?
3. I would have loved for this to have had more fanfare because it truly is a wonderful thing, but none the less, Jeremy's foundation is now legal and officially recognized in our state. Folks may wish to make donations in Jeremy's memory to The Rays of Sunshine Foundation to help other critically ill children and their families who are currently in need. A website is currently under construction. Checks may be made payable to The Rays of Sunshine Foundation. All proceeds are used to support critically ill children and their families. More information is sure to follow soon.
4. Another consideration would be to support the hospital directly and earmark funds to the PICU, Cardiology, or Child Life.
5. We also whole heartily welcome and encourage support for the Believe In Tomorrow Children's Foundation. We will be forever grateful for their part in our journey and will always remain connected to this foundation in whatever capacity we can.
6. Pray. We ask for prayers for peace and comfort. There is great joy and great sadness both on the same day. There is great exhaustion in balancing the two ALL month.
7. Take a moment to ponder the impact Jeremy may have had on your life. If you would be ever so kind to share those experiences with us, even anonymously, through this blog, snail mail, or even email, it would mean more to us than you would ever know.
8. Love...love those that are near and dear to you without abandon. Make each moment count...
Thank you for reading, listening, loving us, your prayers, encouragement, generosity, and more than we could ever express on this blog. We are forever changed and forever grateful for so much.
Many have asked so I will share our personal thoughts on how others might choose to honor our son, Jeremy's, life alongside us this year on what would have been his third birthday. Please bear in mind these are merely suggestions and are not presented in any particular order of importance, each and every has a special meaning...
1. Call the Red Cross and give blood or platelets. There are a handful of folks already signed up and I am sure the Red Cross would welcome many more. Sadly, we have not organized this event on our own again this year but you CAN find a drive that is currently in place in area near you. Jeremy needed more units of blood and platelets than I could ever count. Giving life to someone else in great need in memory of Jeremy couldn't please us more . We would welcome help to organize a blood drive in our area if someone is willing to take that project on. I am willing to help but cannot take on that task alone.
2. We plan to donate books to the library within the hospital again this year. Our nuclear family have each chosen a title that has special meaning to us to share with other children that may utilize this wonderful resource at the hospital. We welcome other family, friends, and prayer warriors to please feel free to donate a book in Jeremy's memory and join us in providing comfort to other sick children. When the pain is so great that words do not come easily to speak, it is comforting to read books to your child. The children are in turn more peaceful and comforted by the sound of loving and familiar voices heard above the many hospital noises. Perhaps you have a children's book that you hold special in your heart that you might be willing to share?
3. I would have loved for this to have had more fanfare because it truly is a wonderful thing, but none the less, Jeremy's foundation is now legal and officially recognized in our state. Folks may wish to make donations in Jeremy's memory to The Rays of Sunshine Foundation to help other critically ill children and their families who are currently in need. A website is currently under construction. Checks may be made payable to The Rays of Sunshine Foundation. All proceeds are used to support critically ill children and their families. More information is sure to follow soon.
4. Another consideration would be to support the hospital directly and earmark funds to the PICU, Cardiology, or Child Life.
5. We also whole heartily welcome and encourage support for the Believe In Tomorrow Children's Foundation. We will be forever grateful for their part in our journey and will always remain connected to this foundation in whatever capacity we can.
6. Pray. We ask for prayers for peace and comfort. There is great joy and great sadness both on the same day. There is great exhaustion in balancing the two ALL month.
7. Take a moment to ponder the impact Jeremy may have had on your life. If you would be ever so kind to share those experiences with us, even anonymously, through this blog, snail mail, or even email, it would mean more to us than you would ever know.
8. Love...love those that are near and dear to you without abandon. Make each moment count...
Thank you for reading, listening, loving us, your prayers, encouragement, generosity, and more than we could ever express on this blog. We are forever changed and forever grateful for so much.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Be Thankful for Small Things
The devotion on my little calendar yesterday read:
Be thankful for small things!
XO God
I am grateful for so many things. I do think I have adopted a grateful heart attitude for the many ways I am blessed by God and others on a daily basis. I am grateful that I can see these blessings regularly. It really is very easy for some of these small blessings to go unnoticed.
To name one little thing...I am grateful for this little calendar devotion that sits on my kitchen table. An amazing author and illustrator, Chris Shea, has designed them in connection to some of her books that she has written. I have loved this little calendar for three years now. I have loved it myself, I have loved giving it as a gift for Christmas, and I have also loved saving the messages and mailing them to others when appropriate. There have been a few memorable and amazing experiences with this calendar and the devotions presented on particular days. I have been grateful and enjoyed it along the way. Is anyone else like me and starts looking for next year's calendars now? I am sad because I cannot find this little calendar devotion by this author anywhere. I am deeply afraid that it is no longer in production. It is silly to be so sad about a calendar but I have really enjoyed the sweet and tender messages each morning and I don't like to think of my mornings next year without it. I'll keep praying that I just haven't found it yet...maybe they are late in production this year. We'll see.
What little things are you grateful for today?
Be thankful for small things!
XO God
I am grateful for so many things. I do think I have adopted a grateful heart attitude for the many ways I am blessed by God and others on a daily basis. I am grateful that I can see these blessings regularly. It really is very easy for some of these small blessings to go unnoticed.
To name one little thing...I am grateful for this little calendar devotion that sits on my kitchen table. An amazing author and illustrator, Chris Shea, has designed them in connection to some of her books that she has written. I have loved this little calendar for three years now. I have loved it myself, I have loved giving it as a gift for Christmas, and I have also loved saving the messages and mailing them to others when appropriate. There have been a few memorable and amazing experiences with this calendar and the devotions presented on particular days. I have been grateful and enjoyed it along the way. Is anyone else like me and starts looking for next year's calendars now? I am sad because I cannot find this little calendar devotion by this author anywhere. I am deeply afraid that it is no longer in production. It is silly to be so sad about a calendar but I have really enjoyed the sweet and tender messages each morning and I don't like to think of my mornings next year without it. I'll keep praying that I just haven't found it yet...maybe they are late in production this year. We'll see.
What little things are you grateful for today?
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Weekending
Fighting germies away
Sticking close to the neb machine
Trying not to worry
Snuggling and watching movies
Celebrating my mother's birthday
Breakfast for dinner, Bananas Foster French Toast with Warm Caramel Sauce, MMMmm
Pocahontas Part 2. Didn't know that existed. Now I do
Read alouds
Quiet reading time for me too
Soccer game
Starting a new 1000 piece puzzle (haven't done that in such a long time)
Christmas shopping ONLINE Yippee!
board games
laundry
ensuring color will return to my world in early spring by planting bulbs
Shew, needed to get that done this weekend since there was actual frost on my grass this morning!
Eating a surprise dinner...Crabs! What a treat!
Grateful for the safe travel of family and friends traveling. Praying for smiles and memories to warm their hearts...
Just finished packing lunches and preparing for another crazy week.
You?
Sticking close to the neb machine
Trying not to worry
Snuggling and watching movies
Celebrating my mother's birthday
Breakfast for dinner, Bananas Foster French Toast with Warm Caramel Sauce, MMMmm
Pocahontas Part 2. Didn't know that existed. Now I do
Read alouds
Quiet reading time for me too
Soccer game
Starting a new 1000 piece puzzle (haven't done that in such a long time)
Christmas shopping ONLINE Yippee!
board games
laundry
ensuring color will return to my world in early spring by planting bulbs
Shew, needed to get that done this weekend since there was actual frost on my grass this morning!
Eating a surprise dinner...Crabs! What a treat!
Grateful for the safe travel of family and friends traveling. Praying for smiles and memories to warm their hearts...
Just finished packing lunches and preparing for another crazy week.
You?
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Fog
I am grateful for the kind words and prayers. They sustain me long after they are spoken and shared.
Not much to report. I feel as though I am walking through a fog most days. I struggle to stay focused on the daily tasks because my attention is pulled into the past. I forget or mess up the things in present time and then I get frustrated. It is really a mess of things folks. Sleep deprivation, constant work to stay focused on the here and now, and the frustration. Trust me they are not a good combination.
What am I doing about it?
praying
reading to distract my mind
drinking LOTS of coffee especially in the morning and then again say at 2 p.m.
listening to soft, gentle, and soothing music
playing with my kids
trying my best to live with a grateful heart...there really is an abundance of good around me in my life.
trying not to beat myself up too badly for the things that I mess up
trying to stay at peace knowing tomorrow is a new day
trying to master this lesson on how to be okay with missing Jeremy...All I can muster is I'm okay, for someone who is NOT okay.
Not much to report. I feel as though I am walking through a fog most days. I struggle to stay focused on the daily tasks because my attention is pulled into the past. I forget or mess up the things in present time and then I get frustrated. It is really a mess of things folks. Sleep deprivation, constant work to stay focused on the here and now, and the frustration. Trust me they are not a good combination.
What am I doing about it?
praying
reading to distract my mind
drinking LOTS of coffee especially in the morning and then again say at 2 p.m.
listening to soft, gentle, and soothing music
playing with my kids
trying my best to live with a grateful heart...there really is an abundance of good around me in my life.
trying not to beat myself up too badly for the things that I mess up
trying to stay at peace knowing tomorrow is a new day
trying to master this lesson on how to be okay with missing Jeremy...All I can muster is I'm okay, for someone who is NOT okay.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Here We Go...
It is me. The transparent me who isn't sugar coating anything tonight. No amount of dragging our feet will keep our hearts free from the pain that this month will bring.
I am working really hard to stay present in the world of today. I am trying NOT to look too far behind me and not too far ahead.
Memories that once were, have begun to have soft edges but still cause gasping pain if I allow myself to think and ponder them for too long. Memories to be created without Jeremy don't seem possible, yet I know they will happen naturally on their own, just as they have for the last two and a half years. I still wish our memories being created today could be with Jeremy too and I long for his presence in each high and low of family life today.
If I may borrow a term from good friends...I think I'd like to wear a sign this month that says EGR, which stands for Extra Grace Required. I think I may need a little extra grace from time to time this month...
The heaviness landed this morning when I awoke. I could feel it coming, swirling, and hovering over my heart. It could best be described as part fear of the unknown pain that we will endure this year on what would have been Jeremy's third birthday. I question what it will feel like this year? I also fear passing one more year without him and letting go a little more of the dreams that we once had for his life. To this day, I am still grateful for a dear friend Julie's reminder that each day that I live on this earth, I am one day closer to a life lived eternal with Jeremy.
The holidays are right behind his birthday and so it is now that I will fight to hold it together and muster up the strength that I will need for later.
I humble myself and petition you all for prayers for our family during this especially difficult month. Please pray that the Lord continues to work through us and within us to bring glory to His name. Please pray that we can keep our hearts open to the comfort of our Lord and also from family, friends, and prayer warriors. We pray that our hearts can remain open and softened by this love and compassion shown to us all. We pray that we are able to endure the fight and are able to resist the temptation to become bitter and angry. I especially pray that as Jeremy's birthday approaches we feel more of the soft and gentle memories, that we can see the ebb tide of the ways that God used Jeremy's life here on earth for the greater good, and that the sharp hurt continues to subside. In His name we pray. Amen
I am working really hard to stay present in the world of today. I am trying NOT to look too far behind me and not too far ahead.
Memories that once were, have begun to have soft edges but still cause gasping pain if I allow myself to think and ponder them for too long. Memories to be created without Jeremy don't seem possible, yet I know they will happen naturally on their own, just as they have for the last two and a half years. I still wish our memories being created today could be with Jeremy too and I long for his presence in each high and low of family life today.
If I may borrow a term from good friends...I think I'd like to wear a sign this month that says EGR, which stands for Extra Grace Required. I think I may need a little extra grace from time to time this month...
The heaviness landed this morning when I awoke. I could feel it coming, swirling, and hovering over my heart. It could best be described as part fear of the unknown pain that we will endure this year on what would have been Jeremy's third birthday. I question what it will feel like this year? I also fear passing one more year without him and letting go a little more of the dreams that we once had for his life. To this day, I am still grateful for a dear friend Julie's reminder that each day that I live on this earth, I am one day closer to a life lived eternal with Jeremy.
The holidays are right behind his birthday and so it is now that I will fight to hold it together and muster up the strength that I will need for later.
I humble myself and petition you all for prayers for our family during this especially difficult month. Please pray that the Lord continues to work through us and within us to bring glory to His name. Please pray that we can keep our hearts open to the comfort of our Lord and also from family, friends, and prayer warriors. We pray that our hearts can remain open and softened by this love and compassion shown to us all. We pray that we are able to endure the fight and are able to resist the temptation to become bitter and angry. I especially pray that as Jeremy's birthday approaches we feel more of the soft and gentle memories, that we can see the ebb tide of the ways that God used Jeremy's life here on earth for the greater good, and that the sharp hurt continues to subside. In His name we pray. Amen
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