Our house feels like a pit stop this week. I have been on the Go -Go. Can you relate? There have been doctor appointments, school activities, dance schedule changes, baseball games and practices. What a busy week.
Today we have spent a few minutes this morning just getting back on track. Picking up piles, putting laundry away, checking e-mail, etc. We're getting there.
Thanks for the many emails regarding the Mother's Day project. I will be getting back to those that offered to help stuff as that will need to take place this week. I am thinking that it will take place a little each day as that seemed to work successfully last year. It's a good way to match up schedules since everyone's schedule seems to be like mine this time of year.
I'm also really excited about all of the donations that have been coming in this week. Some more was dropped off this morning as well. In addition, thank you to those of you who alerted me to expect packages in the mail this week.As you know, it will all come together to make something quite grand.
There is still time and still a great need for items to be donated. I am planning to make the donation to the facilities at the later part of the week. I would welcome any donations at this point in time. Let your heart lead the way. As you are making plans to celebrate Mother's Day with your families, take a moment to remember a Mom who will spending hers at the hospital with her sick child. This mom surely won't have the same kind of cheerful day that most us will. This mom will will be grateful for your kind compassion, prayers, and thoughtfulness.
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Saturday
There's this book by Pete Wilson out of Nashville, it's called Plan B: What To Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? Great book. My copy is dog eared, underlined, highlighted, you name it.
This passage is so dear to my heart tonight, especially tonight. If you happen to own this book it is written on page 167. If you don't own this book, well then, follow my my heart a bit tonight.
The author talks in this chapter about power and hope. Pete Wilson talks about when Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and how the despair of His disciples continues into Saturday, not arguing of course that Easter Sunday is filled with celebration as Jesus conquers death for our sins.
But Saturday...Pete Wilson opens our minds to some interesting thoughts. He says, "Saturday, a day when nothing seems to be happening. It's a day of questioning, doubting, wondering, and definitely waiting. It's the day of helplessness and hopelessness. It's a day when we wonder if God is asleep at the wheel or simply powerless to do anything about our problems.
Is it possible, though, that Saturday is actually a day of preparation? Is it possible God's getting ready to do his best work in us? That's exactly what was happening on that Saturday after Jesus' crucifixion. Saturday was the day God was engineering a resurrection.
Pete continues, You may be in the midst of a horrible, out of control situation. You feel as if God is not there, that there's nothing that can be done. But here is the message of the gospel for you while you are stuck in your helpless, hopeless, Saturday life: God does His best work in hopeless situations.
We worship a God who specializes in resurrections. He specializes in hopeless situations. After all, he conquered death-the ultimate hopeless situation-so you could have life.
His followers were dejected and dismal and hopeless, and then Jesus rose from the dead. God did the impossible, and in a matter of hours, the disciples journeyed from hopeless to hope-filled. From powerless to powerful. They saw him risen, and everything changed. ...good for us. Good for me. Good for you. Good for anyone who is in desperate need of hope today.
...there are two kinds of hope in this world. One is hoping for something and the other is hoping in someone.
...life is uncertain, God is not. While our power is limited, God's is limitless. He still has the whole world in His hands. While our hope may be fragile, God is hope himself. Your world may feel chaotic, but no doubt about it God is still in control. And one way or another, Sunday is about to dawn."
Simply stated that is powerful. If this touched your heart in some way, get the book, you won't be disappointed.
This passage is so dear to my heart tonight, especially tonight. If you happen to own this book it is written on page 167. If you don't own this book, well then, follow my my heart a bit tonight.
The author talks in this chapter about power and hope. Pete Wilson talks about when Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and how the despair of His disciples continues into Saturday, not arguing of course that Easter Sunday is filled with celebration as Jesus conquers death for our sins.
But Saturday...Pete Wilson opens our minds to some interesting thoughts. He says, "Saturday, a day when nothing seems to be happening. It's a day of questioning, doubting, wondering, and definitely waiting. It's the day of helplessness and hopelessness. It's a day when we wonder if God is asleep at the wheel or simply powerless to do anything about our problems.
Is it possible, though, that Saturday is actually a day of preparation? Is it possible God's getting ready to do his best work in us? That's exactly what was happening on that Saturday after Jesus' crucifixion. Saturday was the day God was engineering a resurrection.
Pete continues, You may be in the midst of a horrible, out of control situation. You feel as if God is not there, that there's nothing that can be done. But here is the message of the gospel for you while you are stuck in your helpless, hopeless, Saturday life: God does His best work in hopeless situations.
We worship a God who specializes in resurrections. He specializes in hopeless situations. After all, he conquered death-the ultimate hopeless situation-so you could have life.
His followers were dejected and dismal and hopeless, and then Jesus rose from the dead. God did the impossible, and in a matter of hours, the disciples journeyed from hopeless to hope-filled. From powerless to powerful. They saw him risen, and everything changed. ...good for us. Good for me. Good for you. Good for anyone who is in desperate need of hope today.
...there are two kinds of hope in this world. One is hoping for something and the other is hoping in someone.
...life is uncertain, God is not. While our power is limited, God's is limitless. He still has the whole world in His hands. While our hope may be fragile, God is hope himself. Your world may feel chaotic, but no doubt about it God is still in control. And one way or another, Sunday is about to dawn."
Simply stated that is powerful. If this touched your heart in some way, get the book, you won't be disappointed.
Rolling With It...
Plans change. It is a fact of life every day. The kids have been off from school for spring break. It has been yet another time when I have really had to let go of my control over life and realize that things don't always go according to plan.
Way back when we were scribbling the days off from school on the new school calendar, we had thought it would be a great time to scoot off to the beach.
Fast forward many months and into the thick of our lives, and it turned out not be the best time to scoot off to the beach afterall.
The lessons of life come and they go...While I talk the talk, do I walk the walk?
I have definately been disappointed about the way our week has turned out. In the usual pattern of my life I have worn myself out emotionally trying to keep proper perspective and balancing that in some way it is probably normal to feel disappointed. My new mantra " There are worse things in life than...." but am sad that we are here and not digging our toes in the sand.
I am guilty of allowing the "comparing to others" habit settle into my thoughts. Those are never good. In the fruit basket, we are all different and there's no point to comparing apples to oranges. They will come up different every time.
The road we are currently traveling on is painful and evoking lots of emotion in that every where we turn, we see reminders of Jeremy, what once was, and even worse, what could have been. I guess it is just that time of year. The only difference this year is that I have finally given in the fact that fighting and dragging my feet wont' keep those emotions away. I have learned to roll with it, and to just simply embrace the pain that is here. It is our life...
This too shall pass.
In the words of a wise soul, Andrew Murray, written way back in the year 1895. The truth of his words still inspires and gives comfort to the souls of today.
In time of trouble, say, "First he brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place; in that I will rest." Next, "He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child." Then say, "He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow." And last say, "In His good time He can bring me out again. How and when, He knows." Therefore, I say, "I am here (1) by God's appointment, (2)in His keeping, (3)under His training, (4) for His time."
Way back when we were scribbling the days off from school on the new school calendar, we had thought it would be a great time to scoot off to the beach.
Fast forward many months and into the thick of our lives, and it turned out not be the best time to scoot off to the beach afterall.
The lessons of life come and they go...While I talk the talk, do I walk the walk?
I have definately been disappointed about the way our week has turned out. In the usual pattern of my life I have worn myself out emotionally trying to keep proper perspective and balancing that in some way it is probably normal to feel disappointed. My new mantra " There are worse things in life than...." but am sad that we are here and not digging our toes in the sand.
I am guilty of allowing the "comparing to others" habit settle into my thoughts. Those are never good. In the fruit basket, we are all different and there's no point to comparing apples to oranges. They will come up different every time.
The road we are currently traveling on is painful and evoking lots of emotion in that every where we turn, we see reminders of Jeremy, what once was, and even worse, what could have been. I guess it is just that time of year. The only difference this year is that I have finally given in the fact that fighting and dragging my feet wont' keep those emotions away. I have learned to roll with it, and to just simply embrace the pain that is here. It is our life...
This too shall pass.
In the words of a wise soul, Andrew Murray, written way back in the year 1895. The truth of his words still inspires and gives comfort to the souls of today.
In time of trouble, say, "First he brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place; in that I will rest." Next, "He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child." Then say, "He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow." And last say, "In His good time He can bring me out again. How and when, He knows." Therefore, I say, "I am here (1) by God's appointment, (2)in His keeping, (3)under His training, (4) for His time."
Monday, April 18, 2011
47... What a Way to Kick Things Off!
A few months ago, I was contacted by a friend, prayer warrior, and a faithful supporter of the Mother's Day Bag project. She wondered if her local MOPS group would in some way have a part in the project this year. I was amazed. Moms helping other Moms, such a beautiful thought. Yes, I agreed it was indeed a good match for sure...
We met for coffee and talked things over. She took all the information back to the other leaders of her organization. I was invited to speak at their meeting to talk more about our foundation, how this project came to be, and how they, as a group, might be able to help make the Mother's Day Bag project a success this year.
Sickness invaded our home and I was unable to make that scheduled appearance to speak. God prevailed through my dear friend as she conveyed the utterings of my heart about this mission of the Mother's Day bags to her fellow friends and moms in this group. In the end, she won over the hearts of the moms in her organization in my absence. In response, this group of women amazingly prepared FORTY SEVEN complete bags that are ready to be delivered on Mother's Day! I was completely unprepared for the response that I received. I was surprised and speechless. This MOPS group filled these bags with such love and compassion. I could feel myself just filling up with tears of joy and amazement as we carried the bags from her van into my home. These bags are beautiful, they look amazing, and they all smell so comforting. Funny how this experience of mine evokes such a sensory experience.
I was feeling a bit behind schedule with everyone so sick in our house and yet, with their support, somehow, I managed to come out ahead of schedule. Wow!
When I spoke with my contact at Hopkins, she mentioned the possibility of providing a bag to each and every patient room in the Children's Center. Can it be done? Well, I can certainly try! I have seen with my own eyes this very goal set and met with another project this past Christmas and so I know it can be done. I will pray and rest in God's will about this project for this year. One thing is for sure, each and every bag will indeed bless a mom in need of this love and compassion this Mother's Day. This is a good thing for sure.
I will say that I started the week with a wonderful and warm response to this project. I was contacted by two friends of friends, whom I have never met, who would like to particpate this year. How wonderful is that? Thank you for telling your friends and family and spreading the word about his project. Thank you for your part in making this amazing project become a reality! I could not do it without you all, each and every one!
A special thank you to the MOPS moms who gave so generously this year! Thanks for helping us to get off to such a good start this year! You are such an inspiration! Look what happens when we all work together for the greater good of others! Amazing things can happen and the outcome of that gift is an unending ripple effect of goodness.
That in itself is a good place to close for now. I'll rest in that image of goodness prevailing in a world where pain and suffering are very real but also where human hearts can and do offer love and support to the hearts of the hurting. It does matter and it does make a difference.
We met for coffee and talked things over. She took all the information back to the other leaders of her organization. I was invited to speak at their meeting to talk more about our foundation, how this project came to be, and how they, as a group, might be able to help make the Mother's Day Bag project a success this year.
Sickness invaded our home and I was unable to make that scheduled appearance to speak. God prevailed through my dear friend as she conveyed the utterings of my heart about this mission of the Mother's Day bags to her fellow friends and moms in this group. In the end, she won over the hearts of the moms in her organization in my absence. In response, this group of women amazingly prepared FORTY SEVEN complete bags that are ready to be delivered on Mother's Day! I was completely unprepared for the response that I received. I was surprised and speechless. This MOPS group filled these bags with such love and compassion. I could feel myself just filling up with tears of joy and amazement as we carried the bags from her van into my home. These bags are beautiful, they look amazing, and they all smell so comforting. Funny how this experience of mine evokes such a sensory experience.
I was feeling a bit behind schedule with everyone so sick in our house and yet, with their support, somehow, I managed to come out ahead of schedule. Wow!
When I spoke with my contact at Hopkins, she mentioned the possibility of providing a bag to each and every patient room in the Children's Center. Can it be done? Well, I can certainly try! I have seen with my own eyes this very goal set and met with another project this past Christmas and so I know it can be done. I will pray and rest in God's will about this project for this year. One thing is for sure, each and every bag will indeed bless a mom in need of this love and compassion this Mother's Day. This is a good thing for sure.
I will say that I started the week with a wonderful and warm response to this project. I was contacted by two friends of friends, whom I have never met, who would like to particpate this year. How wonderful is that? Thank you for telling your friends and family and spreading the word about his project. Thank you for your part in making this amazing project become a reality! I could not do it without you all, each and every one!
A special thank you to the MOPS moms who gave so generously this year! Thanks for helping us to get off to such a good start this year! You are such an inspiration! Look what happens when we all work together for the greater good of others! Amazing things can happen and the outcome of that gift is an unending ripple effect of goodness.
That in itself is a good place to close for now. I'll rest in that image of goodness prevailing in a world where pain and suffering are very real but also where human hearts can and do offer love and support to the hearts of the hurting. It does matter and it does make a difference.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Mother's Day Bag Project 2011
These adorable and festive bags have been purchased and are now ready to fill with gifts that will bless the mothers who will spend Mother's Day at the hospital this year. This has been an annual event for the last few years and each year it has been a tremendous success. A blessed experience for sure.
I am reposting what I wrote last year as I invited others to join me in this project.
Most of the information still applies. What has changed is the total number of bags needed. The PICU has increased in capacity to 32 beds, in preparation for the new unit that will be opening soon. I would also like to provide bags to the mothers at the respite facilities that we have continued to support on an ongoing basis, as well as to the Pediatric Oncology unit. That brings my goal number of bags to 80 this year. Last year we were able to provide 104 gift bags and I wonder what number we will fill this year? My plans are to donate these bags one unit at a time. I feel strongly that I must provide a bag to each mother on an entire unit so that no one is left out. My heart wonders if this will be the year that we can supply over 200 bags which would cover the whole Children's Center. Wouldn't that be something? Only God knows the answer to that question.
Without further reading, here is what was written last year:
Some may read this post title and have a memory of last year and therefore have a sense of what I am trying to accomplish. Those of you who are new, stay tuned, I will do my best to post in more detail later. In the meantime, you could also search the archives, and read all about the Mother"s Day bags from last year. Be inspired...
The retail market has already begun weeks ago gearing up for Mother's Day. Some of you out there in blog world may have even begun to make plans for their own special day, perhaps maybe a brunch, a picnic lunch, dinner, a spa treatment, scrapbook event, the sky is the limit. Chances are, none of us would plan to spend Mother's Day sitting at the bedside of a sick child in the hospital. Sadly, that is exactly where many moms will indeed spend their Mother's Day. For some, it may even be their first Mother's Day and they will spend it with their child in the hospital. There will also be the Moms who spend Mother's Day wondering if their child will even survive. Not too long ago, this was my very experience and so I know all too well what these mothers will be feeling.
I know this is a truth many of us here in the comfort of our own homes would rather not think about, but the world I am describing is real and it will exist this year on Mother's Day this year too. I am deeply invested in making a difference of the hearts of these mothers. Will you help me?
I have had difficulty of my own keeping my head above water with so much going on...more on that later. I keep thinking, I'll post that information about the Mother's Day project tomorrow." Well...if I keep up this speed, I'll never be able to pull it off. Mother's Day is quickly approaching! Yikes!
I would love to create bags again this year to deliver to the Moms who will be staying at the Respite House and also for the Moms of the PICU children. I would love to give even more bags than that, but only God knows how it will play out this year. Will you consider helping me? The ways to help with this project are endless.
Could you help contribute an item to be placed in 41 bags? Could you help financially support the purchase of items to be placed in the bags? This could be pennies and all the way up...EVERY little bit helps us spread those RAYS OF SUNSHINE! Could you make cards to give to the Moms? Could you help stuff the bags with the items? Could you provide pretty pastel colored tissue paper? Could you pray for these mothers who will spend Mother's Day with their child in the hospital. Do you have other suggestions? See... the sky really is the limit.
This project was a tremendous success last year and I am eager to see what will happen this year. I am late getting started but I know I can pull it off with the help of my faithful prayer warriors and supporters. These bags will be such a blessing to so many moms who could use a little love and compassion on Mother's Day.
So, will you help me again this year? Will you prayerfully consider one of the many ways that you could make a difference in the the lives of these mothers? If you helped me last year, will you help me again this year? Can I count on you to help me keep this going? Maybe you are new to this project. Could you help in some way, big or small this year?
Some suggestions for the bags would include:
small notebooks
pens
word puzzles
candy
tea
coffee
snacks ( granola bars, trail mix, Nutragrain Bars, etc.)
lip gloss
hand lotion
bath gel
small bottles of nail polish/nail polish remover
WISP toothbrushes from Colgate
hand sanitizer
music
notes of encouragement
mints
gum
books
beauty items (perfume and make up items)
disposable cameras
chocolate
tissues
...you get the idea. Target and Michaels have a lovely selection of items that would make a great addition to the bags. Last year we had some amazing additions to the bags, and so I encourage you to be creative!
I wonder...how many bags will we be able to fill this year?
How can you get the donations to me?
There will be a container parked on my porch to collect donations.
You can mail any monetary donations to me as well to put towards the project.
If you know me in the real world, I will happily and ever so gratefully accept donations out and about in my daily life...
If you do not know me in the real world, could you leave a comment with your
contact information? Someone will reach you in the near future.
With a Grateful Heart,
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Turkey Cutlets With Rosemary Tomato Sauce
This month's meal swap was held last night. Here is the recipe that I made. I have never had it before but all of the ingredients seemed to go well together and are flavors that my family typically enjoys. It was published in the Best Of Cooking Light Recipes which gave me a bit more confidence in making a meal that I have personally never tried before. I also searched for a recipe that could be prepared somewhat quickly now that spring has arrived and all of the activities that come with this season really alter our dinner times as a family. My oven is also acting up so I am having to use the stove top more often.
If there are any others out there that are making meals and freezing them for later use, I would love to hear about your tried and true recipes.
Now I will get back to taking care of another sick child. Really. I am so done with sickness in our house.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Tree
I spend a good bit of time in the car driving here and there.
Today on my way to pick up my kids at school, I was stopped at a red light and this tree caught my attention. At first glance, I thought it was an ugly, overgrown tree that was in desperate need of a little pruning. I didn't give it much more attention than that but something about it beckoned me to keep looking...Funny how a few seconds while waiting for the light to change gave me just the time I needed for a quick walk with my Savior. I just love how He shows up in my life like this.
This tree is ugly.
This world makes me ugly too, imperfect in the perfect ways that God created me to be.
This tree is in desperate need of pruning.
Just like this very tree, I am in desperate and constant need of pruning to help me become to person God created and intended me to be. Sometimes I understand the pruning and sometimes I don't.
This tree has life which is evidenced by the vast amount of greenery growing.
I too have the gift of life today. This life, even with all the hardships that I have been facing in recent weeks, is my miracle in the making. What have I done with that miracle of life today? Have I given thanks for the mere gift of my life and the simply blessing of being alive and healthy when so many are not? Have I made the most of this gift today?
This tree is well established here on the hill and is deeply rooted.
I am well established in my own ways trying to make a run of my life, more times than not,on my own terms. At this current place in my life, I am learning and giving better attempts to seek God's will prior to trying to run things on my own. I am also deeply rooted in my Lord and Savior. He is my anchor in the storms of life. I may feel flattened by the storms and feel as if I lack the strength to go on,but in reality,the Lord has me safe right in the palm of His hand. It is only when I fully fold into His will for me that I even begin to see that glimpse of this truth. I am blinded by His supernatural power and strength when I try to define God and dictate to Him my demands for the outcomes and even the timing for such circumstances of trouble or difficult nature to resolve. While I may blow and sway from side to side, I am deeply rooted and never forsaken. My roots thirst for God's grace and His power to be made perfect in my times of weakness. What a amazing gift when I am able to humble myself to see that power!
The next one was the most profound nudge. This tree looks as if the branches are turning upwards toward the heavens. Looking at the picture now doesn't seem to match the image I saw with my eyes.
Life on earth has a way of weighing us down at times. This is indeed the way that I am feeling right now as a result of recent events that have happened to both our immediate and extended family and friends. There's more happening than what I have shared here about my own child. These events were really eating at me and I felt as if I wanted to shout, ENOUGH! Who am I kidding? I still do. God took this moment to remind me I am not in charge here. He is. God wants a relationship with me and He wants me to cast my worries, concerns, and sadness upon Him. He wants me to leave them at the foot of the cross and trust that He will take care of things according to His will. The last time that I checked, God did not ask me if I would agree with Him and His ways. A gentle reminder... "Amy, turn your palms over and give it ALL to me. Stop trying to hold it tightly with a clenched fist. Let it go.You do not control over these circumstances. I am in control. Be still my child. I have entrusted much to you. Do that, and do it well. I have entrusted others to complete yet other tasks that are different from yours. Let me do the rest. Be still and know that I am God. Give your heart to me. I will walk beside you through it all and I will never leave you. I will carry you through the storms of life and I will deliver you to a safe place in my own time."
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
Praying that I will let go tonight and get out of the way to let Him instead.
Thank you for the prayers. My heart is so very, very grateful.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Home
A quick update to let y'all know that we are home from the hospital.
Thank you or the prayers, phone calls, e-mails, texts, cards, and support.
Please continue to pray for the little guy to be completely healed and restored back to full health and soon. We have lots of follow up appointments and so I will ask for continued wisdom and discernment for the doctors to know the best way possible to treat our sweet guy and also to map out a preventative plan to better manage his asthma in the future. Thank you.
Let the catching up begin!
Thank you or the prayers, phone calls, e-mails, texts, cards, and support.
Please continue to pray for the little guy to be completely healed and restored back to full health and soon. We have lots of follow up appointments and so I will ask for continued wisdom and discernment for the doctors to know the best way possible to treat our sweet guy and also to map out a preventative plan to better manage his asthma in the future. Thank you.
Let the catching up begin!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Battle Zone
Greetings from a inpatient pediatric hospital room. :( Also known as the Battle Zone.
If you can bear with me, this post is all over the place, you'll see what I mean by Battle Zone.
We landed here a few days ago after visiting the doctor to find out some better strategies for coping with and managing a little one's asthma. We didn't make it very far into the appointment when they realized that said child's oxygen level wasn't good. Given his previous medical history and the current illness invading his little body, everyone was in agreement that we needed some care that could only be obtained at the hospital.
It's been a whirlwind since then.
Let's start by saying that no one likes to come to the hospital with their child.
It's scary.
Add in the fact that we are grieving parents who have already faced some of the most traumatic experiences in the hospital. Statistics take on a whole other meaning to us now. The "I don't think this is the case but let's rule it out" isn't so reassuring....nothing is ordinary anymore. Nothing is routine. EVERYTHING is scary and has the potential of turning nightmarish. There are triggers from the past that zoom you out of reality and the present in a flash.
Not to get higher up on my soapbox, BUT, add in the fact that we just so happened to come in on the VERY DAY in history that Jeremy got sick and went into cardiac arrest while in my arms, and now we are on overload. It's just too much. We are in a place where triggers are looming with every moment that passes. The strength to rise above them all and keep our heads above water is growing more and more difficult.
It is a battle zone here.
Little one is thankfully stable but taking his good ole time getting better. Longer than we would all like to see given all that is on board with treatment. There have been a few scary moments but all in all, he is stable and responding to treatment at least and not getting worse. Lots of docs have been involved and more in consultation which is reassurring. Truth be told, I'd still not like to be here.
Trying to see sunshine.
Trying to hold to my faith and pray often.
Trying to remain grateful for our gifts even in the midst of the storm.
Trying to reach out to folks for encouragement and strength
Trying to see the opportunities here...for what I am unsure...
Trying to keep perspective...could be worse
Trying to stay positive
Failing a little at the moment with all of the above.
Feeling weakened emotionally.
Tired of a lot...
Falling prey to too many painful triggers from the past, and while this could be understood, it still doesn't feel good, and I want so badly for them to go away.
So, So, sad that the stress is mounting and it is visable within every member of our family. Feeling just a bit sorry for myself at the prsent time.
Just needed to get that all of my chest.
Sad
depressing
but the complete truth
I am human.
I am real.
It is what it is.
Scared to complain since overall things could be so much worse and they aren't. No longer naive to the notion that it can all change on a dime. Nothing is for certain.
In need of a lot more hand holding than I'd like...
It's a battle zone and I am tired of fighting. Hoping for some serious sunshine in coming days.
Putting my faith in the Lord to fill me with strength that my earthly body lacks. I will ask for the supernatural strength that only God can deliver during these times of trials.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will He not also,along with him, graciously give us all things.
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:31-32
It's a battle zone but...
I'm still fighting with God on my side.
If you can bear with me, this post is all over the place, you'll see what I mean by Battle Zone.
We landed here a few days ago after visiting the doctor to find out some better strategies for coping with and managing a little one's asthma. We didn't make it very far into the appointment when they realized that said child's oxygen level wasn't good. Given his previous medical history and the current illness invading his little body, everyone was in agreement that we needed some care that could only be obtained at the hospital.
It's been a whirlwind since then.
Let's start by saying that no one likes to come to the hospital with their child.
It's scary.
Add in the fact that we are grieving parents who have already faced some of the most traumatic experiences in the hospital. Statistics take on a whole other meaning to us now. The "I don't think this is the case but let's rule it out" isn't so reassuring....nothing is ordinary anymore. Nothing is routine. EVERYTHING is scary and has the potential of turning nightmarish. There are triggers from the past that zoom you out of reality and the present in a flash.
Not to get higher up on my soapbox, BUT, add in the fact that we just so happened to come in on the VERY DAY in history that Jeremy got sick and went into cardiac arrest while in my arms, and now we are on overload. It's just too much. We are in a place where triggers are looming with every moment that passes. The strength to rise above them all and keep our heads above water is growing more and more difficult.
It is a battle zone here.
Little one is thankfully stable but taking his good ole time getting better. Longer than we would all like to see given all that is on board with treatment. There have been a few scary moments but all in all, he is stable and responding to treatment at least and not getting worse. Lots of docs have been involved and more in consultation which is reassurring. Truth be told, I'd still not like to be here.
Trying to see sunshine.
Trying to hold to my faith and pray often.
Trying to remain grateful for our gifts even in the midst of the storm.
Trying to reach out to folks for encouragement and strength
Trying to see the opportunities here...for what I am unsure...
Trying to keep perspective...could be worse
Trying to stay positive
Failing a little at the moment with all of the above.
Feeling weakened emotionally.
Tired of a lot...
Falling prey to too many painful triggers from the past, and while this could be understood, it still doesn't feel good, and I want so badly for them to go away.
So, So, sad that the stress is mounting and it is visable within every member of our family. Feeling just a bit sorry for myself at the prsent time.
Just needed to get that all of my chest.
Sad
depressing
but the complete truth
I am human.
I am real.
It is what it is.
Scared to complain since overall things could be so much worse and they aren't. No longer naive to the notion that it can all change on a dime. Nothing is for certain.
In need of a lot more hand holding than I'd like...
It's a battle zone and I am tired of fighting. Hoping for some serious sunshine in coming days.
Putting my faith in the Lord to fill me with strength that my earthly body lacks. I will ask for the supernatural strength that only God can deliver during these times of trials.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will He not also,along with him, graciously give us all things.
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:31-32
It's a battle zone but...
I'm still fighting with God on my side.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
