Here I am...

I have been wanting to write for some time now. There have been many reasons why I have not written, as my heart has deeply desired.  Most of all, there have been events in my life that just honestly haven't been my story to write.  There are folks close to my heart that have chosen a much more private approach to sharing their life story. There will not be judgement of right or wrong, it is JUST a personal preference, if you will. I just have not felt comfortable writing about these events or my personal feelings and reflections as a result.  I have, after all, felt compelled to honor the wishes of those near and dear to my heart. For me there was no ability to honor those wishes and let out my feelings all at once.  Significant time has passed, much has happened, and as a result, here I am.

If you are loading this page still after all this time, thank you. I have missed being here too.

We are bracing for the "Frankenstorm" here in our corner of the world.  We pray for the safety of all in Sandy's path. 

Speaking of storms, I very much feel as if I live in a "STORM" of some sort or other. Seriously, it has been that kind of FOUR years.  (No, I am not counting !!!) Therefore, I would expect to be somewhat prepared as one storm doesn't seem to end before the next one begins...it has sadly become my new normal.  I am worn down, but none the less, STILL, solidly anchored in my faith of our Lord.

I am being tossed amongst the tumultuous waves, all the while, hoping that by anchoring myself to my Lord, that I will eventually come out, in His loving embrace, no matter what comes to be on this earth. In turn, I hope to resemble the likings of sea glass, softened and polished through the storms of life. HA! That is NOT exactly what I think at first glance upon seeing my own reflection in the mirror!   I would not be amiss to mention that I would also like very much to experience smooth seas for a change.

To those that have wondered "What is up with her???"  To those that have loved on me without response...the cards, emails, phone calls, absentee friendships, lack of response, not being there in the thousands of ways that I have wanted, etc...know that your presence and words have indeed reached my heart, and that your love and friendship matter.  I have deeply appreciated each and every gesture. You have sustained me when I have lacked the energy to go on to face another day of challenge.  The Mother's Day Project 2012 is particularly dwelling in a significant place of guilt for me. I regret the ability to send proper thank you responses to everyone who had a part in making the past year so very successful.  I petition your grace to understand when there is only so much that one soul can accomplish in a 24 hr. cycle.  I feel so very overwhelmed most days of my life.

Reading this entry, you may ask? Oh My...Is she depressed? To answer you, I probably am to some degree. Please be reassured that I try hard not to be.  It is a daily struggle. Just maybe...., just maybe, it is that very desire to hold on, against all odds stacked against me, and the ability to KNOW that I am anchored in the love of my Lord, that is what is keeping me out of deep trouble. No matter what storms continue to rage and those that may come to be, I do have ultimate peace in my heart, that I am ransomed by my Lord.  There will be a day one day where all suffering will end and peace will be evermore. Until then, I will walk steadily in His grace for each day on this earth. 

You may encounter me in your day to day life.  If you do,please know that you get what you get, and you can expect me to be authentic. 

Otherwise, if I exist here for you only in this virtual world, know that I am still here.  I will hope to be present in this place more often than I have in the recent past.