I've been treading water again...
A friend wrote in a card to me "the storms of life can seem so turbulent at times" which is exactly how it has been for us lately.
Most recently, child #3 was hospitalized for a few days with a bad case of pneumonia, asthma, and an ear infection. Needless to say it has been a rough week. It was incredibly scary to be back as an inpatient in the hospital again. It was a constant and unwavering effort to stay focused on the present time and not to let our minds creep back into the scary past. Just the environment of the hospital sent us the most vicious triggers imaginable, but none worse than the beeping and alarming monitors. I had to keep reminding myself, different child, different circumstances, different, different, different.
I needed to "let go" of my fear and stay peaceful knowing that I was doing all that I could to care for my child. I had to let go of my control that he needed others to help me take of him. I needed to let go of my control over the outcome of the situation. I needed to be okay with that loss of control and to trust that the Lord had him in the palm of his hands.
I will not lie and pretend that it was all good and easy to stay calm. Ask any one of the medical staff involved in his care and I'm sure that they could tell you some stories about me. I'm sure they were happy to discharge a child home to recover but they were probably also happy to rid themselves of a worried and anxious parent too. I probably drove them all crazy, I was driving myself crazy.
I sit here today reflecting, did my reactions to the situation show any evidence of growth and change? It is so easy to fall into old patterns. I also think that some of my reactions are instinctual parental responses. I would like to say that I was better, but then again, this situation didn't even come close to the severity of Jeremy's case. Not even close. I have been in therapy since Jeremy passed and I will say that I was able to access some of the tools that I have learned and that they were indeed helpful. At least it was money well spent...
I have become aware of the fact that I can no longer differentiate between my instincts and my anxiety when my children become ill or injured. So I have learned to stop the madness by calling our pediatricians (who thank God are so patient and understanding with me)and let them help me decipher the difference between the two.
I am thankful to be writing this post from the comfort of my own home and happy to report that a full recovery is expected. I am just left to catch up on sleep, the many loads of laundry, and the effects of not being home for a few days. Most moms can relate to how quickly things can spiral out of control in a house when you don't keep up with the work. It all just piles up and waits for your return.
I am grateful to be on the other side of this most recent storm and to be recovering from it's wrath. I am also once again reflecting on just how quickly life can change. I am pausing to think about how very little control we have over certain situations in life. What a ride...For today I will allow myself some peaceful moments to watch the snow fall and to be thankful for the blessings that I have in my life.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine
My kids have just recently seen the movie Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. Anyone else love the concept of Redbox? We are addicted. The only problem is that we still seem to have trouble returning the movies after one night. I guess there are worse things than paying 1$ a night for a movie rental.
Anyway, I think we have now watched the " Meatball" movie three times. Last night we actually watched the credits roll to see if there were any funny out takes at the end. It was then that this song started to play and I couldn't believe my ears. I smiled and felt blessed to hear the song.
You can hear it yourself here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwOFeBDp5qA&feature=related
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
When you think all hope is gone
There's a place somewhere byond
Take a chance and realize
It's right before your very eyes
Leave the dark clouds far behind
Step outside, the weather's fine
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As Real as it can be
Belive in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
Soemthing's in the atmosphere
Don't be scared of what you fear
(Don't be scared)
Look around, the storm has passed
Just hurricanes of happiness
Raise up your umbrellas high
Stand beneath the clear blue sky
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As real as it can be
Believe in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
So many wonders to explain
Rays of sunlight drops of rain
Coming down from up above
Cloudy with a chance of love
Can't you feel it in the air?
Sweet sensations everywhere
Whatever weather is in store
Bring it on 'cause I want more
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As real as it can be
Belive in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
I woke up to the sound of the gentle rain hitting my windows. A peaceful sound. I am becoming more and more aware of the sunshine shining brightly in my life. Hoping to find even more today despite the rain outside. Wishing the same for all of you too.
Anyway, I think we have now watched the " Meatball" movie three times. Last night we actually watched the credits roll to see if there were any funny out takes at the end. It was then that this song started to play and I couldn't believe my ears. I smiled and felt blessed to hear the song.
You can hear it yourself here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwOFeBDp5qA&feature=related
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
When you think all hope is gone
There's a place somewhere byond
Take a chance and realize
It's right before your very eyes
Leave the dark clouds far behind
Step outside, the weather's fine
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As Real as it can be
Belive in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
Soemthing's in the atmosphere
Don't be scared of what you fear
(Don't be scared)
Look around, the storm has passed
Just hurricanes of happiness
Raise up your umbrellas high
Stand beneath the clear blue sky
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As real as it can be
Believe in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
So many wonders to explain
Rays of sunlight drops of rain
Coming down from up above
Cloudy with a chance of love
Can't you feel it in the air?
Sweet sensations everywhere
Whatever weather is in store
Bring it on 'cause I want more
(Sunshine, sunshine
Raining sunshine)
It's raining sunshine
It's raining sunshine
All over mankind
It's raining sunshine
As real as it can be
Belive in what you see
It's not just in your mind
It's raining sunshine
I woke up to the sound of the gentle rain hitting my windows. A peaceful sound. I am becoming more and more aware of the sunshine shining brightly in my life. Hoping to find even more today despite the rain outside. Wishing the same for all of you too.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I'm Letting Go...
I posted earlier this month about my "word" for this year. I chose two words exactly, "Let Go". These words will hopefully be a theme that shapes some healing in 2010.
I was in a bookstore recently and happened upon a book by the author, Carol Kent, author of Now I Lay My Isaac Down, a book that truly changed my life. I didn't know that there had been a second follow up book written. I decided to resist the purchase, but later decided to go ahead and get the book knowing how much I had enjoyed the first book. I also knew from reading the title and a few excerpts in the store, that it would go along with my words "let go". The title of the book is A New Kind of Normal.
I guess I am finally taking the steps toward letting go of the life that I once knew. I am letting go of a life when I was the mother of four living children here on earth. I am still the mother of four children and I always will be. I suppose I am trying to better embrace the "new normal", I am the mother of three living children and one in heaven. Some may say, it is not a new normal since I have had this reality in my life for nineteen months. It is however a new normal for me because for the first time, I am realizing that I am ready to start accepting this reality and to move forward. I am moving forward with intense pain but thus moving forward. I cannot stay in the sixth month period of November 2007- June 2008 forever. Time really does move on and I suppose I should continue on this ride and see what life still has to offer. Better yet, I am opening my heart, learning to trust God more, and thus ready to see what He calls me to do, and how He will use my suffering to make something beautiful, as only He can.
So far, I must say that I am enjoying it as much as the first book. I have heavily highlighted and folded the corners of many pages. I was right and it is addressing many of those goals that I initially shared about letting go... I highly recommend it to anyone who is facing a life altering event in their lives.
The book dedication reads:
"To people who are living in their own "New Kind of Normal"
They have acknowledged that unexpected circumstances mean life will never be the same as it once was. Instead of running away or withdrawing to a prison of their own making, they choose to embrace the new opportunities and unexpected joys that can only be known by those who say:
I will survive.
I will persevere.
I will be vulnerable.
I will forgive.
I will trust.
I will hold those I love with open hands.
I will be thankful.
I will choose purposeful actions.
I salute you."
I wanted to say that this is not a book about grief. It is a book about life changing unexpectedly due to a variety of reasons. Carol Kent herself says that this book is about "choices-not the kind we place on goal charts, but the choices we all need to make when our carefully developed life plan takes a U-turn or comes to a sudden halt. It's about discovering fresh hope and renewed courage when we would rather give up. It's about willfully choosing to make the future better, even if we don't receive a tangible benefit for making the effort. It's about choosing not to waste the sorrow. It's about giving hope to others in the middle of our brokenness and tears, because it is all we have to offer. And because it is all we have to give, it is enough."
I wish I didn't need to quote so much text from the book to make my point. I can share my stories along the way of my journey, but I certainly do not possess writing skills like Carol Kent. I think that this book could really help others facing a difficult journey in life.
I'll share more about my experiences in life with choosing to LET GO as they happen.
I was in a bookstore recently and happened upon a book by the author, Carol Kent, author of Now I Lay My Isaac Down, a book that truly changed my life. I didn't know that there had been a second follow up book written. I decided to resist the purchase, but later decided to go ahead and get the book knowing how much I had enjoyed the first book. I also knew from reading the title and a few excerpts in the store, that it would go along with my words "let go". The title of the book is A New Kind of Normal.
I guess I am finally taking the steps toward letting go of the life that I once knew. I am letting go of a life when I was the mother of four living children here on earth. I am still the mother of four children and I always will be. I suppose I am trying to better embrace the "new normal", I am the mother of three living children and one in heaven. Some may say, it is not a new normal since I have had this reality in my life for nineteen months. It is however a new normal for me because for the first time, I am realizing that I am ready to start accepting this reality and to move forward. I am moving forward with intense pain but thus moving forward. I cannot stay in the sixth month period of November 2007- June 2008 forever. Time really does move on and I suppose I should continue on this ride and see what life still has to offer. Better yet, I am opening my heart, learning to trust God more, and thus ready to see what He calls me to do, and how He will use my suffering to make something beautiful, as only He can.
So far, I must say that I am enjoying it as much as the first book. I have heavily highlighted and folded the corners of many pages. I was right and it is addressing many of those goals that I initially shared about letting go... I highly recommend it to anyone who is facing a life altering event in their lives.
The book dedication reads:
"To people who are living in their own "New Kind of Normal"
They have acknowledged that unexpected circumstances mean life will never be the same as it once was. Instead of running away or withdrawing to a prison of their own making, they choose to embrace the new opportunities and unexpected joys that can only be known by those who say:
I will survive.
I will persevere.
I will be vulnerable.
I will forgive.
I will trust.
I will hold those I love with open hands.
I will be thankful.
I will choose purposeful actions.
I salute you."
I wanted to say that this is not a book about grief. It is a book about life changing unexpectedly due to a variety of reasons. Carol Kent herself says that this book is about "choices-not the kind we place on goal charts, but the choices we all need to make when our carefully developed life plan takes a U-turn or comes to a sudden halt. It's about discovering fresh hope and renewed courage when we would rather give up. It's about willfully choosing to make the future better, even if we don't receive a tangible benefit for making the effort. It's about choosing not to waste the sorrow. It's about giving hope to others in the middle of our brokenness and tears, because it is all we have to offer. And because it is all we have to give, it is enough."
I wish I didn't need to quote so much text from the book to make my point. I can share my stories along the way of my journey, but I certainly do not possess writing skills like Carol Kent. I think that this book could really help others facing a difficult journey in life.
I'll share more about my experiences in life with choosing to LET GO as they happen.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Special Delivery
Last week, I had the pleasure of visiting the hospital and respite house where our journey with Jeremy began. My family and I delivered the many gifts that were collected in memory of our precious baby this Christmas season. These gifts were unique in that they gave such warmth to our hearts to know that Jeremy was remembered by so many others at Christmas and also joy knowing that each and every gift would touch the hearts of special children and families at the hospital. These gifts would reach people who really needed them this holiday season. I feels good to help others. I hope that the love and prayers attached to each gift will be felt by the children and families who receive them.
I thank each and every person who donated money and/or gifts in Jeremy' memory to further support the wonderful programs in place at the hospital and respite house where other families can feel the love and compassion that they need during such difficult times. I say it all the time, but together, we truly are making a difference in the lives of so many people.
I can't help but to experience an emotional flashback whenever I travel down the roads even leading to the hospital, not to mention arriving at the entrance of the hospital, and also walking through the doors of the respite house. Many times I often catch myself taking the deepest breath imaginable and wishing with all of my heart that the past 19 months have really all been the worst nightmare of my life. I stand there wishing that someone will come to my side to inform me that Jeremy is still here and that his recovery efforts were good that day. It is so very painful to relive each and every time, that indeed I am living the worst nightmare of my life. Sadly, it is a nightmare that I will never awake from. I will live it, breath it, and pray through it, all the days of my life. It is a life journey to learn how to carry this love for my child and the grief over his death in the same place, my heart. These are mostly emotions that I wish I could forget and never have to relive again. I am thankful that these are "places where GRACES will soon be amazing" (More on this to come)
Having said that, I also remember the many, many, gestures of compassion that were shown to Jeremy and to us. I still remember today those feelings of being carried. I was carried through so many days and times when I felt as though I could not go on any farther. I do not think I would be standing as the person that I am today without those gestures of compassion from family, friends, and even strangers who became Prayer Warriors for Jeremy and who have continued on even today, for his family.
I am a changed person. I can only hope in some small way, to help someone else make it through the storm in their lives. Thank you for helping us to do just that for so many other PICU families. Our efforts are not only appreciated by those families, but our hearts are healing along the way too. For that and so much more, we are eternally GRATEFUL.
Many have asked and wondered...
We worked hard in 2009 to take the necessary legal steps to create an official foundation in Jeremy's memory. We have completed our part and now we are anxiously waiting for the news that his foundation is official in the eyes of the state. I can't wait! More news to hopefully come soon! Please join us in prayer that we may seek to find ways for Jeremy's foundation to support critically ill children and their families in ways that fulfill God's purpose for us and will bring glory to Him.
Planning ahead...last year, we took Valentine treat bags to the respite house. This was received well and I am hoping to repeat that activity again this year. Be thinking and praying about whether you might wish to participate. I'll post more information later, but in general hope to deliver Valentine themed treats of any kind to the families. There are 15 rooms all together so I am hoping to fill 15 bags.
I thank each and every person who donated money and/or gifts in Jeremy' memory to further support the wonderful programs in place at the hospital and respite house where other families can feel the love and compassion that they need during such difficult times. I say it all the time, but together, we truly are making a difference in the lives of so many people.
I can't help but to experience an emotional flashback whenever I travel down the roads even leading to the hospital, not to mention arriving at the entrance of the hospital, and also walking through the doors of the respite house. Many times I often catch myself taking the deepest breath imaginable and wishing with all of my heart that the past 19 months have really all been the worst nightmare of my life. I stand there wishing that someone will come to my side to inform me that Jeremy is still here and that his recovery efforts were good that day. It is so very painful to relive each and every time, that indeed I am living the worst nightmare of my life. Sadly, it is a nightmare that I will never awake from. I will live it, breath it, and pray through it, all the days of my life. It is a life journey to learn how to carry this love for my child and the grief over his death in the same place, my heart. These are mostly emotions that I wish I could forget and never have to relive again. I am thankful that these are "places where GRACES will soon be amazing" (More on this to come)
Having said that, I also remember the many, many, gestures of compassion that were shown to Jeremy and to us. I still remember today those feelings of being carried. I was carried through so many days and times when I felt as though I could not go on any farther. I do not think I would be standing as the person that I am today without those gestures of compassion from family, friends, and even strangers who became Prayer Warriors for Jeremy and who have continued on even today, for his family.
I am a changed person. I can only hope in some small way, to help someone else make it through the storm in their lives. Thank you for helping us to do just that for so many other PICU families. Our efforts are not only appreciated by those families, but our hearts are healing along the way too. For that and so much more, we are eternally GRATEFUL.
Many have asked and wondered...
We worked hard in 2009 to take the necessary legal steps to create an official foundation in Jeremy's memory. We have completed our part and now we are anxiously waiting for the news that his foundation is official in the eyes of the state. I can't wait! More news to hopefully come soon! Please join us in prayer that we may seek to find ways for Jeremy's foundation to support critically ill children and their families in ways that fulfill God's purpose for us and will bring glory to Him.
Planning ahead...last year, we took Valentine treat bags to the respite house. This was received well and I am hoping to repeat that activity again this year. Be thinking and praying about whether you might wish to participate. I'll post more information later, but in general hope to deliver Valentine themed treats of any kind to the families. There are 15 rooms all together so I am hoping to fill 15 bags.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Girl Time and the Ant Head Chicken
The boys were all headed out to get hair cuts. That left us girls to spend some quality time together doing one of my daughter's favorite things, cooking!
We tried a new recipe, Poppy Seed Chicken. Apparently, it has been a huge hit in many homes in America, even though we had never heard of it. I can see why it was such a hit with so many people. My husband and I loved every bite. Being honest, I will say the kids needed more time to develop a taste for this one. My kids were a little put off by the look and texture of so many Poppy Seeds in the chicken. They even said, "Are those ant heads?" The old saying, "Mind over Matter", applies to this situation for sure.
I lightened up the recipe since we so close out from the holidays. I consumed way too many cookies and other treats for sure and need to cut back on so many calories.
I think the lightened version was delicious, so I cannot imagine what the other full version would taste like.
I will definitely make it again sometime soon.
Poppy Seed Chicken (aka- Ant Head Chicken)Poppy seed chicken
2 or 3 chicken breasts, boiled and cut in small pieces
1 16 oz sour cream
2 cans cream of chicken
2 tbs of poppyseeds (I don't measure - I just shake a ton in)
Ritz crackers
1 stick of butter
Mix the first 4 ingredients and put in a baking dish. Cover with crushed up ritz crackers. Melt a stick of butter and pour on top. Bake for 20-30 minutes at 350.
***I used fat free soup, light sour cream, whole wheat crackers, and 1/2 stick of butter. As I said, I thought it was delicious and still very rich!
Hope you enjoy this recipe too!
We tried a new recipe, Poppy Seed Chicken. Apparently, it has been a huge hit in many homes in America, even though we had never heard of it. I can see why it was such a hit with so many people. My husband and I loved every bite. Being honest, I will say the kids needed more time to develop a taste for this one. My kids were a little put off by the look and texture of so many Poppy Seeds in the chicken. They even said, "Are those ant heads?" The old saying, "Mind over Matter", applies to this situation for sure.
I lightened up the recipe since we so close out from the holidays. I consumed way too many cookies and other treats for sure and need to cut back on so many calories.
I think the lightened version was delicious, so I cannot imagine what the other full version would taste like.
I will definitely make it again sometime soon.
Poppy Seed Chicken (aka- Ant Head Chicken)Poppy seed chicken
2 or 3 chicken breasts, boiled and cut in small pieces
1 16 oz sour cream
2 cans cream of chicken
2 tbs of poppyseeds (I don't measure - I just shake a ton in)
Ritz crackers
1 stick of butter
Mix the first 4 ingredients and put in a baking dish. Cover with crushed up ritz crackers. Melt a stick of butter and pour on top. Bake for 20-30 minutes at 350.
***I used fat free soup, light sour cream, whole wheat crackers, and 1/2 stick of butter. As I said, I thought it was delicious and still very rich!
Hope you enjoy this recipe too!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Anonymous Angels
Thank you to the anonymous Angel who delivered the case of pocket sized Kleenex for our Tissue Fund for the PICU.
They are greatly appreciated!
With a Grateful Heart,
They are greatly appreciated!
With a Grateful Heart,
Thursday, January 7, 2010
One Single Word
Happy New Year! Thanks for reading and following along with my journey. Thank you for your support and prayers along each step of the way.
Giving proper credit to Ali Edwards...I began reading about the One Single Word phenomenon happening on several blogs that I read. I really liked the idea of welcoming a New Year and embracing "one single word" as a theme for the year, a way to focus on becoming a better person in 2010. After reading lots of information, I decided that it would be something that I would like to try. You can check it out for yourself here:
http://aliedwards.typepad.com/_a_/2009/12/one-little-word-2010
I read through the posts and knew right away that if I had known about this activity last year, the word I would have chosen would have been "sunshine". This word would define my journey in so many ways. One important facet of the word sunshine certainly was the fact that in the face of such tragedy in my life, I HAD to focus on the "good" that remained in my life. I can share that as I reflected on 2009, I did not feel happy enough to dance around and do cartwheels of joy every day. However,choosing to embrace the good in each day, did without a doubt, help to keep my head in the right place and focused on the important things in my life. No matter how ugly, dark, and sad the days were, I could ALWAYS find the sunshine. Sometimes it was shining bright and other times it was working hard to shine through the clouds, but it was always there. The sunshine was a huge component of how I got through last year and how I became the very person that I am today. I truly believe that all experiences and events in our lives, the good ones and the bad ones, shape us all into the very people that we are in present time. It is surely not the experiences themselves that define us, but rather the lessons and knowledge that are taken away from each experience, and the ways that we choose to allow them to shape us into the people we become. I recently stumbled onto this quote:
"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." ~Charles DuBois
Life is a journey. I hope to continue on in life each day becoming a better person than I was yesterday. It is a little scary not knowing where I am heading, but also exciting thinking about the person I am yet to become.
The word sunshine will continue it's work into 2010 and probably for as long as I live. It is too special to me and central to this new person that I have become. So as I carry the sunshine in my heart, I will also choose a new theme this year to add to my journey. The new word for 2010 also came to mind very easily. My word, or should I say words, for 2010 are :
LET GO
I will spend time this year trying to embrace this theme in my soul. It will not be an easy task, but one that is desperately needed at this time in my life. I am choosing this year to LET GO...
of the PAST...sins, regrets, mistakes, and bad memories. I will choose to take what lessons were learned and let the guilt, shame, and the rest of it go.
of the GOOD memories in the way of preventing me from embracing the here and now. My life with Jeremy as a living, breathing, child is gone from this life. I need to work harder to accept that reality so that I can move on and FULLY accept my new life. Letting go of the cherished family that I once knew, the family that I had the honor and privilege to have, even if for a short while. I still have a blessed family, it's just different now. Still blessed for sure.
of CONTROL. This is a big one for me. I am choosing to work on accepting what I can change and what I cannot. I will be spending time with the Serenity Prayer this year.
of EXPECTATIONS. Another BIG one for me...
of ANGER.
of HURT. At some point, these things that have tried so hard to unravel me at the core, will just wash right past me, and be fleeting thoughts. It will be so peaceful and I will no longer remember this time of hurt in my life.
of MY PLANS FOR MY LIFE. I will choose to accept God's plan and purpose for my life. He clearly is calling me to do things far out of my comfort zone. I will choose to work harder on trusting that plan for my life. This also means LETTING GO of my SHOES. Those that have been following long enough know what I mean.
of the OLD me and EMBRACE the new me and all that comes with that journey!
There's more from within but enough shared for now...and more to come as the year unfolds with each passing day. Stay tuned as I share stories and reflections with a life journey of Letting GO! Wish me well.
I now challenge you, what's your word for 2010? I'd love to hear your story and be in prayer for your journey with your word toward a better you in 2010!
Giving proper credit to Ali Edwards...I began reading about the One Single Word phenomenon happening on several blogs that I read. I really liked the idea of welcoming a New Year and embracing "one single word" as a theme for the year, a way to focus on becoming a better person in 2010. After reading lots of information, I decided that it would be something that I would like to try. You can check it out for yourself here:
http://aliedwards.typepad.com/_a_/2009/12/one-little-word-2010
I read through the posts and knew right away that if I had known about this activity last year, the word I would have chosen would have been "sunshine". This word would define my journey in so many ways. One important facet of the word sunshine certainly was the fact that in the face of such tragedy in my life, I HAD to focus on the "good" that remained in my life. I can share that as I reflected on 2009, I did not feel happy enough to dance around and do cartwheels of joy every day. However,choosing to embrace the good in each day, did without a doubt, help to keep my head in the right place and focused on the important things in my life. No matter how ugly, dark, and sad the days were, I could ALWAYS find the sunshine. Sometimes it was shining bright and other times it was working hard to shine through the clouds, but it was always there. The sunshine was a huge component of how I got through last year and how I became the very person that I am today. I truly believe that all experiences and events in our lives, the good ones and the bad ones, shape us all into the very people that we are in present time. It is surely not the experiences themselves that define us, but rather the lessons and knowledge that are taken away from each experience, and the ways that we choose to allow them to shape us into the people we become. I recently stumbled onto this quote:
"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." ~Charles DuBois
Life is a journey. I hope to continue on in life each day becoming a better person than I was yesterday. It is a little scary not knowing where I am heading, but also exciting thinking about the person I am yet to become.
The word sunshine will continue it's work into 2010 and probably for as long as I live. It is too special to me and central to this new person that I have become. So as I carry the sunshine in my heart, I will also choose a new theme this year to add to my journey. The new word for 2010 also came to mind very easily. My word, or should I say words, for 2010 are :
LET GO
I will spend time this year trying to embrace this theme in my soul. It will not be an easy task, but one that is desperately needed at this time in my life. I am choosing this year to LET GO...
of the PAST...sins, regrets, mistakes, and bad memories. I will choose to take what lessons were learned and let the guilt, shame, and the rest of it go.
of the GOOD memories in the way of preventing me from embracing the here and now. My life with Jeremy as a living, breathing, child is gone from this life. I need to work harder to accept that reality so that I can move on and FULLY accept my new life. Letting go of the cherished family that I once knew, the family that I had the honor and privilege to have, even if for a short while. I still have a blessed family, it's just different now. Still blessed for sure.
of CONTROL. This is a big one for me. I am choosing to work on accepting what I can change and what I cannot. I will be spending time with the Serenity Prayer this year.
of EXPECTATIONS. Another BIG one for me...
of ANGER.
of HURT. At some point, these things that have tried so hard to unravel me at the core, will just wash right past me, and be fleeting thoughts. It will be so peaceful and I will no longer remember this time of hurt in my life.
of MY PLANS FOR MY LIFE. I will choose to accept God's plan and purpose for my life. He clearly is calling me to do things far out of my comfort zone. I will choose to work harder on trusting that plan for my life. This also means LETTING GO of my SHOES. Those that have been following long enough know what I mean.
of the OLD me and EMBRACE the new me and all that comes with that journey!
There's more from within but enough shared for now...and more to come as the year unfolds with each passing day. Stay tuned as I share stories and reflections with a life journey of Letting GO! Wish me well.
I now challenge you, what's your word for 2010? I'd love to hear your story and be in prayer for your journey with your word toward a better you in 2010!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
