Wide Open

The nitty gritty of reality for me is that two years out from this origin of horror and tragedy is that it still hurts like ****. My gut reaction at least once on a daily basis is to close up, curl up in a ball, and to put armour on so tight that nothing and no one can penetrate my soul. This is surely no way to live. One can exist this way but the questions is can you live this way? Can one live fully this way?


In the past I have cocooned. I have tried each and every way I could to make the pain go away. I've learned it doesn't really ever go away. Pain silently waits and will reappear again, and again, and again. In my case, it most likely always will throughout my lifetime. So I live with the challenge to find a way to carry the pain of Jeremy's illness and death with me but not let it define me.


I am asked, AGAIN, to try the opposite, to instead try to OPEN MY HEART WIDE. I was asked once again, to surrender and to take off my shoes. I was asked to trust in HIM and to surrender the pain to the One who can and will carry it and me to a place of peace. IF I can truly open my heart wide then I can allow the grace and mercy of God to flow inward to each and every hurt that lies within my soul. To allow that God given grace, undeserved but given grace, to flow and to heal. I am invited to ask not WHY but HOW can I use this pain to live in this world?


I was inspired to not fight anymore and to surrender to the pain by the lyrics of this song .


Deep? Yes. That's me. Transparent? Yep. That's me too. Look out...you may not recognize me when I fully surrender. I think I've been trying to be in control of this life for way too long. I surrender! ( At least a little more today than yesterday and hopefully a little more tomorrow :))

Super Saturday

No Sunshine this morning but we were grateful for the rain!

Grateful for only rain and no thunder or lightening. Will our grass ever be green again?

Swim Meet with times that were improved from last week. Our team lost the meet but all the team swam really well. Way to go Swimmers !

Strawberry Cherries are super yummy!

Our sillies shared smiles and sentimental tears watching the story about our favorite Toys in the theatre. An expensive afternoon $$$, at least compared to usual bargain of Redbox or free rentals from the library, but the smiles were priceless. Plus we supported our school fundraising by purchasing our movie tickets with Script!

Special birthday dinner celebrations continued as our family ventured out for a dinner at a restaurant. When it came time to hear the waiters/waitresses sing Happy Birthday, someone looked as if they wanted to slide under the table.

Now all is quiet and everyone is snug in their beds dreaming of the many ways our family found joy and lived fully today on this SUPER SATURDAY!

Hope your day was filled with many special moments too!

Start Living... Now

At a swim meet last Saturday, I saw a man from our team wearing a shirt that said Start Living... at such and such place. It was a shirt advertising for a vacation spot of some kind, a restaurant, resort, I truthfully cannot really remember. I only remember the message and how I nodded silently with my whole heart and soul every time he walked past me and I read the words on his shirt. I now wonder if he thought I was weird staring and nodding at him...:)

Plain and simple folks, life is short! We have today and the here and now to capture as much joy as we can, to make a difference in big and small ways in the hearts of others, to make our dreams a reality, to LIVE, and not to just exist, but to live fully. Seriously ponder that for a moment...Are you living fully today? If you knew your days were numbered would you live as you are now? No? ( most of us would say no) What would you change? If the voice in your soul beckoned you to change something...DO it! Do it now!

The hamster wheel of life goes round and round. Blink and life passes you by.
Capture the moment NOW and today. Those of us who have lived through the life changing lessons of this world and those that are in the trenches of them right now will all tell you the same thing...LIVE and LIVE Fully. We have today... Live fully. Slow down and take in the simplest of joys and grace that are right before you in the here and now of today.

Life has a way of reminding us all of this lesson to live more fully. Look around and I'm sure you'll see what I mean. There is trouble in this world. I petition your prayers for a few members of my family and a friends. Our Lord knows the details and needs of every situation and hears each and every whisper of our prayers...Thank you.

Anonymous Sunshine

Wanted to take a moment to thank the Prayer Warrior who left a yellow folder, cards, a CD of the song Afterglow, and the book about Letting Go. What a wonderful gift that was to find on my doorstep. Thank you for your continued prayers and also for your thoughtfulness.

Wisdom of Walt

Unpacking again. I am not complaining for I am very fortunate to be able to even go on a vacation in the first place. None the less, we are trying to get reacquainted with our real world life but all the while still on vacation time! There are lots of thoughts swirling around in my brain for later posts, but for now, here's a little thought to ponder.


"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things because we are curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
-Walt Disney

**No we did not go to Disney World nor is there a trip on the horizon any time soon. You know me and my quotes...

Hello Summer!

I had a lot of fun with welcoming the new season of spring and saying goodbye to winter with a similar post back in April. I thought I would take a minute to jot down memories from the spring before SUMMER gets too far under way. I'd have to admit, it was much harder this time. Spring wasn't an easy season for our family this year. But, in true fashion to the name of this blog and the words that hang around my neck every day, I will dig deeper to find the sunshine from the spring too.

So Hello SUMMER! Goodbye spring of 2010. Here are my favorite memories from this past spring.

Favorite Memory
We were blessed to be able to take a few trips to the beach with our family this spring. There's no place that I would rather be than near the ocean. It was the sunshine we needed to get through such a difficult season of pain. The weather was amazingly warm for spring and so each trip was a true taste of summer for sure!

Favorite Song
I am really enjoying the latest Sara Groves CD. I really should record the kids singing Setting Up the Pins, it is heartwarming for sure! It's a catchy tune anyway but watching the kids sing it from their hearts makes me smile from the inside out!

I also really like one of Keith Urban's new songs Only You Could Love Me This Way. I love acoustic guitar music. This song speaks of my husband and my marriage. We have sure been through some tough times but through it all we keep holding on to what really matters. It's a forever deal for us, sunshine, rain, and everything in between. Sadly, some marriages cannot withstand the stress that the death of a child can cause on a relationship. Here's hoping we can... Here's hoping that we can hang on through the ups and downs of life, overcome this grief, and anything else that life may have to throw at us in the future. I'm praying that we can be happ in life as individuals and as a couple.


Favorite T.V. Show:
Friday Night Lights. I discovered that you can check out complete seasons of T.V. shows at the library. I am still on season one for now, but loving each episode so far!

Favorite Food Out:

Hershey Bar cake, shrimp and grits (Some things never change), and homemade cornbread

*all three came from the same restaurant

Favorite Food Homemade
While were at the beach, I enjoyed making Mother's Seafood Cioppino, a recipe that I stumbled upon many years ago. It quickly became a family favorite and has remained so to this day! Over the years, I've added more seafood and we prefer it this way. Google the recipe and try it yourself. Add whatever seafood you like and you won't be disappointed.

Favorite Purchase:

I found a sunflower plate at Pier One Imports.

I also added a few new outfits to my wardrobe. You know when the goin' gets tough, you Get Up, Get Dressed, and Show Up For Life. That's it. One Foot in front of the other...eventually the time passes and you can breathe easier again. Show up for life with the best that you have each day and Be As You Are...

Favorite Drink:

Iced Coffee and Sparkling Water

Favorite Event:

I don't have one...do I ever? I loved that I was emotionally able to be more present at the kid's special events and also for the extraordinary everyday moments too. I treasure the opportunity to be their Mom.

I couldn't live without... sunglasses, flip flops, a good book, and a good purse to keep me organized in my crazy life.

So, now it is your turn. Let me know your favorites from this past spring season. Leave a comment here, e-mail me, write to me, call me. It will be the sunshine of my day. One person shared their responses in the winter, so I am hoping to at least double that this time around.

By the way, did you notice that I even noticed how to change font colors this time too?

Summer Bliss

Life has been busy. Three kids in three different places for the week. Need I say more? Is this really summer? You bet...the kids are having a blast this week so far and so am I. The smiles on their faces are worth every minute of running all around town!

camp/VBS

lazy afternoons/evenings at the pool

Daddy making dinner and having it ready when WE get home. Yes, that really happened. :)

Grandparents delivering dinner to us tonight at the pool. We are so blessed!
Freshly made soft crab cake sandwiches and hot dogs ...MMMmmm
The new me even enjoyed a fresh tomato slice on my sandwich. Never too late to learn new things I guess...

fresh watermelon

delicious dessert options at the snack bar
What a difference a year makes.. three independent children strolling over to the snack bar eager to make their selections! The delight in buying 5 cents worth of Tootsie Rolls and being over the moon about their choice!

I'll soak this in for awhile.

Happy summer y'all!