Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

Goodbye 2011! It was a bittersweet year. There were some really sweet memories and joyful moments this year for which I am ever so grateful. There was a time not too long ago when I seriously believed that I would never ever feel pure joy again in my lifetime. Fortunately I was very wrong.

I admire those who can dance. I on the other hand have two left feet. Maybe that's why this delicate dance of learning to feel joy and acknowledge pain all at the same time has been so difficult for me. Ha...if only it were that simple to explain.

Truth be told, I am learning. Painfully, tearfully, and stubbornly learning.

While there has been joy, there have also been some really tough times emotionally in 2011 too. Some life circumstances that I could see coming and prepare for, and some that I could not. While I thought I could prepare for some things that I knew would challenge me to my core, when they arrived, I felt 100% unprepared. Then I beat myself up for knowing what was to come and for not being in a better position to handle them the way I had wished to or had planned for.

Facts of the matter are that things have been very tough since this summer. You may have sensed this from my absence here on this blog. Too painful to write, too private, involving others now, and without their permission to share publicly, I have retreated to a very lonely place. One foot in front of the other has proven yet again, to get us to this point in time.

And so at this place, having arrived in 2012, it is my prayer that this be the year of grace and peace in my life. My soul so longs for peace and grace for the moments when it isn't. I think I have had an all or nothing approach to this dance of life. I can't shake the notion that we have been dealt some pretty nasty stuff. I long to be past the Old Maid card if you will, it has been in my hand far loo long. However, me being me, I do not wish to pass it along. I wish to bury this card instead.

So I welcome 2012 and all the possibilities that a new year can hold. Still trusting in the promise of our Lord that these places where grace is abounding in my life, will be redeemed beyond my wildest imagination. Not on my time of course, but on His. I pray this is a year of new life, new beginnings, good health, peace, joy, bright sunshine, and grace. I pray I can get out of my own way and to submit to Him fully and His will for my life,and most importantly for the ability to accept that of which is out of my control.

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

I wish you and yours a blessed New Year as well.