I've been riding this crazy emotional roller coaster ride these last few weeks although it seems to pale in comparison to the ride we were on last year. There are times when I think I never really got off that ride from last year, at least not yet anyway. If that is the case then one of two things has happened: 1) We are getting used to the ride or 2) The pain is settling into us a little more now as time as gone by. I am not in that panicked mode of wondering what will happen to my sweet son, I know he is safe now. I worry about me and about my family. Although even having said that I still feel the Lord with me each and every day.
Here's a snapshot of my life over the last few weeks just in case you have missed me as much as I have missed blogging.
My computer is still broken. I miss it deeply. It's one of those things where you don't realize how much you needed something or loved something until it is gone. We have been working on a resolution to that problem without much success.
My husband has been working very late hours and there just isn't time to spend on the computer since I am in Mom mode all the time. Just when I think I have time to work on writing, check email, or check in on my favorite blogs, my husband needs our main computer to WORK. Work takes precedence I guess... I am thankful that my husband has a job and am trying to do what I can to support him during this crazy time of his life. We take each day as it comes and we do our best, that is all any of us can do. I miss him.
SPRING VACATION came to an end today. My three children have been home and we have made every attempt to have a good time while off from school. We were able to accomplish a lot of things, celebrate Easter, and go on some amazing adventures together. A good time was had by all and for that I am thankful. I really wanted the kids to have a good break from school. We desperately needed some time to be a family, to laugh, and to have some distractions from the painful reality that Jeremy is no longer here. We finished out the break by taking a short jaunt to the beach, a favorite destination in our house. A little sand and sunshine will do anyone some good!
So, to sum things up, I have been way busier than normal with all of the kids home from school and trying to make life fun for them. Then to top it off limited access to a computer. All the while, we have been painfully aware of this season in our life. Tough times to remember.
I'll be back later to share more...
Thanks for reading, thanks for your patience, and as always thank you for your prayers.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Amy,
I have missed you and your blog! I was so glad to see you back. Isn't it amazing how not having a computer causes us to feel so disconnected from the world around us? I often wonder how women did it way back when there was no technology and there days were spent focused on their home and family. No outlet, no relief, little connection to any other moms. I'm so glad we are not there anymore.
With that, I have been anxious for a new posting from you as our Easter Sunday sermon spoke so much to my heart and I know it will to yours as well. They started off with a single person singing a very soft and soothing version of "I will rise", which I'm sure you had heard on the radio the week of Easter as much as I did. The lines in the song that jumped out at me the most were the following...
"I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagles wings
Before my God, fall on my knees
And rise"
Perhaps that is why that roller coaster ride isn't jostling you around quite so much anymore. You have risen on wings of eagles to rise before the throne of your God and King, only then to fall on your knees at His mercy. How powerful are those lyrics??! You may be getting used to your ride, you may be settling into it more, but I also believe that God has given you the wings to fly through it so you don't feel so rocked by every twist and turn. He does that so well for us. Helps to plant our feet on a firm foundation and then lifts us above the turmoil so we can soar with Him in His glory.
The sermon that followed was in reference to the activity that took place after the resurrection of Christ. The main thing our pastor spoke on was the line Jesus spoke to Mary when she went to the tomb to find her master and teacher gone. "Woman, why are you crying?" Jesus asked her as she wept for her Lord. (John 20:13) Why would He ask her such a thing? What kind of a silly question was that??!! Her savior, her teacher, her friend, had been crucified before her very eyes. Why are you crying?? Not to mention the angels asked her this same question. They knew she was grieving the loss of her Lord...but they knew something so much greater than she. There was a reason for her to celebrate! The angels and Jesus were rejoicing in the defeat over death, over Satan, over the powers of this dark world...while the rest of the world wept and mourned what they had lost. See, they knew she would mourn, as so many others did, but they also knew the time to rejoice had come. It brings to light such an important point...Jesus understands our pain, understands our mourning, but He so longs for us to see the reasons to rejoice. He wants us to remember that we are only here for a short while...eternity is but a breath away. Once He asked Mary why she was crying, He then said the one thing that made her recognize who He was..."Mary." He spoke her name. He called her name and she rose...simply then to fall on her knees crying "Rabboni, teacher, Lord!" Just as the song tells us to rise and fall on our knees before our God, Mary left her grieving behind and fell at His feet. "Do not hold on to me...instead go to my brothers and tell them I am returning to the Father." (John 20:17) I wonder if this broke her heart just a little. She wept for a moment..just a moment to care for her Lord's body. When she saw Him before her, you wonder if her heart leapt with joy that He had returned. Yet, His response to her was, "Don't hold on to me.." Jesus knew. He knew a greater calling awaited Him. He knew He had to return to His father, just as we will someday. It is, in fact, our true home. He knew they would miss having Him by their side to guide them and be their protector and teacher. Yet, He also knew the whole purpose of His presence in this world was to bring us back to the Father. Back to the place we were supposed to be all along. He didn't want Mary to drag around the body that was dead in this world...He wanted her to let it go and embrace the empty tomb. The symbol of New Life. He conquered death for us so that it would no longer be something that would drag us down.
That's why your roller coaster ride has smoothed down, sweet one. He has conquered the very thing that was dragging you down this time last year. He defeated the power that Satan has over us by showing us that this is not where we belong. He is calling your name, as my pastor told us. Even if you already know that and believe, as Mary did, believe more. Just as Mary was, we are standing in the midst of a miracle and need only to embrace the One who embraced us with the sacrifice of His life. Over the past year, I have seen you do just that. He calls your name, you rise, and you bow at his feet, humbly ready to do His will. Be encouraged, strong servant. You are on the right ride, going the right direction, and facing the cross as He asked you to. Keep doing His will and honoring Him.
In Christ,
Julie
I wasn't able to attend church this morning. Both my kids have a cold, so we stayed home. As I ironed my husband's clothes (while he was at church...he's the preacher :] ) I played some praise and worship music and watched the children play. My thoughts went directly to you and your family, so I prayed. I prayed God would give you encouragement and peace today. I prayed God would sing over you. May His peace continue to envelope you with each passing minute. Please know you are not forgotten. You are still prayed for by those you don't know!! Love you :)
Post a Comment