Another First is Approaching

It's been a busy start to the week. There have been a lot of changes to our regular schedule this week and I am finding it challenging to balance it all at once. The kids are excited about the upcoming celebrations of Valentine's Day and the 100th Day of school. Along with those celebrations, there are Valentines to create and projects to complete. We have enjoyed having happy things to work on at home but Satan hasn't traveled far from our doorstep． He tries to creep in whenever he can. For example, I enjoyed the Valentine's Day party at school but then grief moved in and stole my joy shortly thereafter. Jeremy will never celebrate Valentine's Day. I will never receive a sweet Valentine made by his sweet fingers,powered by his imagination, and fueled by love from his heart. I will never purchase a real Valentine gift for him and he will never receive a Valentine from us or anyone else for that matter. I have had to work hard to remember that Jeremy is happy in Heaven.

It's the loss of hopes and dreams that were still to come that hurt too. This is the year of firsts, just not the ones I was prepared for when he was born. I was foolish to think that it would be easier now after eight months. Each "first" carries it's own pain.

I am reminded of the clean soup again... I do not like this... I want something else... I want my life when it included Jeremy on earth. I want to celebrate Valentine's Day with all four of my precious children. Here I am instead... Jesus, you know far better than I what I need and what my life has in store for me. I must trust and give it all to you. Meet me where I am tonight. I am not perfect... I must walk by faith and not by sight. You will see me through this storm. You will not leave me. You have a glorious plan in mind for me and my family. Give us peace and help us to rest tonight so that we can be focused on bringing your name glory with our thoughts, words, and deeds on this earth. Amen