Heavenly Snow

I have this sweet little calendar devotional that has found a home on our kitchen table. We like to read and share it during our meals together. Sometimes it is as simple as reading the message and other times we open the bible to read a little more, it just really depends on the day.

Here is what it said this weekend.

I love that you can make an ordinary day seem heavenly. The scripture verse was Romans 12:2 Be not conformed to this world.

Little did I know that this little message would be the motivational springboard that I needed to process some of the events from last week.

I had another lesson from God last week and it has taken a few days for it to settle in my soul and for me to be able to share it in a way that brings glory to Him. I was reminded again today that I am a BEACON. I am a beacon of God's light and now it is my time to SHINE like the sun!

I think I am now ready to share my latest lesson with those who have chosen to read and follow my journey.

My world was literally turned upside down when my sweet Jeremy leaped into the arms of Jesus. I knew he was good and would be for eternity, but me, I wasn't so sure. I've been on a journey ever since towards accepting this new reality in my life. While I continue to be evolving and changing into this new person, I can say that my savior has never left my side. I have felt His presence throughout this crazy roller coaster ride right from the beginning.

Part of my journey has included visits to the cemetery. To make a long story short, I was unable to go on Valentine's Day and it bothered me more than I thought it would. We recently had nearly 30 inches of snow fall and we just didn't think we would be able to even get to Jeremy's grave, so I agreed that our visit to the cemetery would have to wait.

An opportunity presented itself a few days later to go and so I did. I had flowers that child number three picked out for his brother. Well it would seem that I also forgot a few things. I forgot my boots (even though the snow was well over my knees), a shovel to dig a path to the grave site and to dig down into the snow to find Jeremy's headstone, and gloves to keep my hands free from the cold snow. At times I can be so consumed with grief that I cannot think logically. Anyway, I decided to forge ahead even though I did not have some essential tools needed for the job.

Well through the snow I climbed. I lost my shoe more than once, my pants were wet, and the snow had collected in the bottom of my shoes where my big toe belonged. I think the exact place where Jeremy's grave is located will forever be etched in my soul. My feet moved one foot in front of the other until I reached the place where I needed to be. I dug into the snow with my bare hands, missed the desired location, and found mud. I moved over about three inches and found Jeremy's headstone. I was relieved to have found it beneath the frigid snow.

I prayed, I cried, and then took several deep cleansing breaths. The world seemed so quiet at that moment in time. I couldn't help but to notice how beautiful the surroundings were all around me. The snow was pure white and completely undisturbed for as far as I could see. No footprints. No dirty snow. No debris on the ground. A few large birds that looked like hawks were flying above me and there were a few clouds in the baby blue sky. All I could see was nature's beauty in it's purest form. I felt this immediate warmth and sense of peace wash over me in that moment. I stood still and took a few more moments to enjoy the peacefulness. It was then that I realized there was more to the story and the pages began to unfold before my eyes. I didn't move as I absorbed the lesson within my soul.

"Amy, I created all of this. I created the trees, the birds, and the clouds in the sky. I created the beautiful snow that has blanketed the earth that is before your eyes. I created you and your precious son, Jeremy. I created all of this and much more.

The snow is pure white and peaceful when it falls. At first the landscape with the fresh fallen snow settling on the branches of the trees and the pure white blanket of snow covering the ground is captivating. It is peace in one of the simplest forms. Each snowflake is it's own creation, each one different and unique. The snowflakes can work together to change the landscape of the world. During a storm like this one with over 30 inches of snow on the ground, one can almost loose their bearings as the scenery around them can appear so different. Time moves forward, the sun shines, and then as the days go by, the snow begins to melt. The pollution and damage from the earth settles in and the snow becomes gray and even black from the dirt of this world. The snow has lost some of it's beauty as humanity moves it out of their way to resume normal activities in their lives. The peaceful scene begins to fade away with each passing day.

I created this world to be perfect but sin settled in. The snow that you see illustrates this story that I am sharing with you today. My creations are good but as time passes by on earth, some of those creations can become tarnished with dirt, evil, and sin. There is good and bad in this world that you live in on earth. You must learn to follow me as you balance a life between the good and bad. It isn't always one way or the other. There will come a time when I return to this earth to rescue my people once and for all. In heaven you will see, my creations are pure and perfect and will remain so for eternity. Jeremy is here with me now and he has been rescued from the turmoils of this world. Do not worry about his well being.

I wanted you to see this heavenly snow today. The beautiful, undisturbed, peaceful landscape that you see all around you here today at this cemetery, is merely a glimpse of the life that Jeremy now lives, with me in heaven. The world is telling you to feel sad as your feet stand at this cold grave. I urge you to be at peace my child and lavish in this beauty, for it is a taste of what is to come. Have faith and believe that Jeremy is good and perfect in every way. You'll see. I know this world hurts you, I will not leave you or forsake you. I love you and so does Jeremy."

I stood still in astonishment over the message that I had received. I had intended to make a visit and leave. I was not prepared for what had happened while I was there.

As I stood there on the hill overlooking the ground and the trees in the background, I felt a strong sense of peace that Jeremy agreed and that he wanted me to know that he was okay and happy. I also felt like he was also trying to tell me how beautiful it is in heaven. I thought about how he would want me to be happy. So I tried really hard that day to be just that, simply joyful.

God used the snow, something that seems so ordinary to me, to teach me a lesson about heaven. I am opening my eyes, my heart, and my mind to see what he is showing me through the everyday, ordinary miracles of today.

Even as I write this post, I was reminded that this was the third time in a matter of weeks that God used what seems like ordinary snow, to show me the way towards peace as only He can give.

Thank you God for your Heavenly Snow. I'm listening...and following You.

Missing Him...

I am missing my sweet baby tonight. I have been feeling better for awhile now and I am sad to be here in this place tonight. It's been creeeping in over the last few days and I have tried to keep balanced, but I have tipped tonight and have given in. I have learned that these moments will come, and they will continue to come for the duration of my days here on this earth. I have also learned to give in to the feelings and not to fight them. It takes such energy to fight them away and sadly after the fight, I usually find them waiting for me there anyway.

I think we have had so much "family time" this week that his absence is really weighing on me. I am seeing child number three doing things that older brother did when he was his age and I can't help myself from wondering if Jeremy would be following the same footsteps. You know like loving Buzz Lightyear and Woody from Toy Story and wearing the hand-me-downs that are filled with love and life experiences. I remember when your brother wore that, we were... Oh what would it be like to have those clothes worn by three boys from our house?

I see my kids playing and really miss Jeremy. I picture the smile on his face and at the age he would be now, I doubt he would be watching from the sidelines anymore. I see how well my older two are playing together, surprisingly well considering the time we have been cooped up in the Blizzard of 2010. There are three years between #2 and #3. That is a considerable age difference with regard to play these days. I wonder what #3 would be doing if he had a younger sibling to play with too? I wonder if their relationship would be close like the other two are?

I wonder a lot about Jeremy's personality and what his voice would sound like?
I never knew that sound since I never got to hear him utter "Momma" or any other word for that matter.

I digress from here...The tears are welling up in my eyes and the lump has found it's usual and all too familiar position in my throat.

The house is quiet and the kids are sleeping soundly in their beds. I know my youngest has the best home ever but I can't help myself from missing him. I miss him every moment of every day. I miss his sweet soul and his smile that could melt anyone's heart.

But, life is what it is. I can't change the part of my life that is causing me so much pain, not even with all the effort in the world. All I can do is to lay this pain at the foot of the cross and wait for my Savior to meet me there and carry me through this moment, again. All these months later, I know he will.

Snow, Snow, and More Snow

There is another storm in our area. Looks like an additional 14 inches on top of what we already had so far. Wanted to share some of our snow with everyone. We were fascinated to see some of the snowflakes up close and personal. Really makes you think about how each and every single snowflake is different. That is an interesting thought as one looks outside during our current conditions.

Blizzard of 2010

On Saturday we awoke to snow, snow, and more snow. Then it snowed ALL day. At the latest measurement, we calculated 27 inches here in our yard. The weather teams are calling this the Blizzard of 2010. It has been nice to see so many neighbors outside and the kids all playing together in the snow. Good thing I did go to the grocery store last week. The plows are doing their best to get around town. Our street has been plowed but I have heard from other friends reporting no signs of plows yet at all. Schools all around are closed and plan to close tomorrow too.

It took me longer to post these pictures than I thought due to the high volume of activity around here. We have enjoyed lots of fun family time being snowed in together all weekend. Forecast is calling for even more snow tomorrow. Time will tell...

Flusi

Cute story. After reading this story with my kiddos, I realized that apparently, Flusi must now be living at our house.

Anyone out there in blog world willing to take him off our hands? I am running out of sock pairs and gloves. No sightings to speak of yet, just evidence left behind.

Weekending/Month Ending

Meant to publish this yesterday but got too bust taking care of the boys. Happy to report everyone is even better today. Oldest son still not feeling great, but did go to school. Little guy has improved and is playing the Wii as we speak!



I cannot believe today is the first of February. Where does the time go?

If you read my last post, you know that I have been spending time catching up on a lot of things. For the better part of the weekend, much time was spent cuddling, watching movies, reading books, and napping. After only one call in to the doctor late Friday afternoon, I am proud to say that I otherwise avoided that need for the duration of the weekend. The little one seems to be on the mend and moving steadily along in the right direction. Still pale, doesn't have a great appetite, perks up and then seems worn out, content to be still way longer than normal. All reasons why we decided to keep him home from school today. No need to push the envelope and relapse or be exposed to yet another virus too soon. My other son is actually home sick as well, perhaps suffering from the same virus, which will hopefully not render the same journey for his body. No more hospitals!!!

We caught up on laundry and even managed to put it away. We dined on delicious soup/stews made by my Mom and a member of my Meal Swap group. Have I mentioned before how much I love being part of a meal swap?? It makes 5 p.m on week nights a lot more peaceful and helps gets a delicious meal that would otherwise not be able to be made, on the table for us all to enjoy. Seriously, meals would be a whole lot simpler and there would be many more repeats. The meal swap has been a huge success and we have honestly enjoyed each and every meal. Thank you ladies, Dinner Diva's. I am so grateful to be a part of this group!

I had a chance to do some some baking with the kids to use up items from our pantry. I haven't been to the grocery store for two weeks now and was rescued last week by a good friend who supplied us with a few essentials. I am thinking that with any luck, I may be able to avoid the store again this week. Partly because the boys are home sick today, which is when I would normally go to the store, but also because I have many meals in my freezer, plenty of supplies for both breakfasts and lunches, which only leaves snacks. We will need to be a little creative and do without our favorites, but I think we can make it until next week. So back to baking, we made Pumpkin bread which turned out well and was enjoyed for breakfast this morning with yogurt. The banana bread, on the other hand, did not turn out so well. We were lacking the baking soda, which was apparently way more important than I realized. We threw the banana bread away since it basically turned out to be a dense brick.

It snowed again this weekend. This winter, the accumulating snow has almost all fallen on a Saturday. I had been out to breakfast with my daughter and my mom when we began to notice the snow falling and laying on the ground. We were only supposed to get a dusting, but when all was said and done, ended up with almost seven inches. The older kids enjoyed the time playing in the snow. The little guy was less than thrilled to stay indoors. Can't say I blame him. Call me old fashioned, but I just thought it would be best to keep him inside and warm. The "olders" threw snow balls at the window and brought some snow in for the little guy to play with. The little guy enjoyed a new experience of decorating our front door with Window Markers. Neat concept, one that some of my older Aunts in the family don't agree with. (My family would remember a story at my sister's bridal shower where we had decorated the windows much to the dismay of one Aunt) :)

The snow is always so beautiful when it is falling. Somehow, the world seems to slow down a little and appears to be peaceful as far as the eye can see.

On Saturday, I was very unsettled and at first couldn't put my finger on what it was. I figured out that it was the date that was bothering me but I wasn't sure I understood why. Jeremy was born on the 30th of the month, but at this point, even if he were alive, we wouldn't be counting his age in months anymore. Perhaps I am feeling the loss of being able to count them all...Perhaps, I was just really missing him.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on how blessed I truly am. We were once again carried through a really tough time. We were carried through the storm by our Savior. HE provided many provisions for us through family and friends who helped with babysitting, visits in the hospital, cards, meals, prayers, phone calls, and e-mails. Thanks again to everyone who helped us last week.