Father's Day Thoughts

It is Father's Day. I arranged for my husband to play golf with his Dad and his brother today. The weather today is beautiful. The skies are blue, there is soft, gentle breeze blowing, the temperature is perfect, and the birds are even singing. What a day! Yesterday, it rained cats and dogs and I have never seen so much mud in all of my life. Here's hoping that my husband enjoys the day!

When I told the children what we were planning for Daddy they asked if they too could go and play golf. I explained that maybe another time but definitely when they were a little older. That's when it hit me. My husband and his three boys would have made the perfect foursome. My husband will never play a Father's Day round of golf with all of his sons at the same time. His foursome on the golf course (with all of his sons) will have to wait until we are all united once again in heaven.

The triggers are still very present in our lives, even now, a whole year later. It takes such work to focus on what I do have and not on what I do not have. It is not easy to constantly be aware of your thoughts and to be willing to allow for changes in thought patterns. In fact it is exhausting.

We had a keychain made for my husband as a gift. It has all of the children's names hand stamped on it. Even though Jeremy is not here in our world in a physical sense, he is just as much a part of our hearts as our other children. Seeing his name on the keychain with the others, makes me feel even more like he SHOULD be here. It hurts.

I miss Jeremy's presence in our lives today as much as ever. Today is a gift. All of our children are a gift. We will praise the one who blessed us with our children here on earth and those that He holds in heaven for us until our family is united again someday. We will carry them all in our hearts today and always. Today I will eat from the bowl of "clean soup" and know that this life indeed is good and just what God intended for me. I will celebrate life and the gift of fatherhood with my husband, my Dad, and my husband's Dad. We will honor all of the special Dad's in our lives. I will do my best to continue to walk close with my Lord and ask for His mercy and His grace to help me understand and trust in His ways. I will try again to relinquish the control over my own life and to ask for his guidance in where he wants me to walk.

Today I will take a moment to pray. I give praise and thanks to God for all the beautiful children all around me in our lives and their Dads. I pray that all Dads recognize the gift of fatherhood and treasure it. I pray that Dads take a moment from their celebrating to truly give thanks for their children and to recognize the role that they have been called to in this life. But, not all fathers will be celebrating, in fact, many may be hurting today. Some fathers may be celebrating but also carrying a hurt in their soul that we do not know or cannot see. This walk in the world of grief has opened my eyes to the hurting souls all around me, I see the world so differently now. I will pray for the men who wish from their hearts and souls and are praying to become fathers. I will pray for the fathers that have also lost children and are feeling this hurt called grief. I will pray for the grandfathers of grieving parents. These men would love to take the horrible pain from their children, and cannot. I will pray for the fathers who are holding the hand of a very sick or injured child. I will be praying for the fathers of children who are in the process of recovering from or possibly maintaining care for children who are suffering from a severe illness, injury, birth defect, disease, disability, etc. I pray that Lord strengthens them and sustains them as they care for and nurture their children. I will pray for the fathers who are without a job. I will pray for the fathers who have a child serving in the military and are possibly deployed. I will be praying for families who may have a very sick or injured father in their family today. I will pray for families that have lost a father and do not have that special person to honor today. I will pray for the fatherless children. I will pray that each soul that I have mentioned and for those that the Holy Spirit will intercede for me, can find comfort and peace in the cross today. I will pray that God comforts them all with his presence in their hearts. Amen.