A Tribute to Jeremy

I am struggling. I am not ashamed to admit it. One year came and went and I am not better.

My life is not without pain. It hurts today just as much as ever.

One way I have learned to cope with this pain is to try my best to remain positive. Today I will share with you one way we worked as a family to cope with the pain on Jeremy's Angel Day, June 8th.

June 8th came and as of that morning, we still had not come to a decision about how to spend the day. It was exponentionally painful. As I mentioned, I think we truly spent a lot of time in avoidance hoping that we could somehow escape the inevitable pain that would come on that day.

That morning, we decided to plant a sunflower garden to honor Jeremy's memory. We have a place for the symbol of the sunshine ever since Jeremy became sick. I have not done a good job of connecting the dots for new readers to this blog. Another time... The short story is that truly from the very beginning of this journey we CHOSE to think positive, to follow the sun, and to follow the SON. We tried and continue to work hard to trust (as hard as it is sometimes) in His ways and not ours. Sunflowers turn and follow the sun. They are a reminder from God. Sunflowers are beautiful and remind us that we should always turn and look to God in every circumstance in our lives. Psalms 34:5 says Those who look to him are radiant. I work hard each day knowing that He will lead me on the path that he has chosen for me. I am on a path of learning to fully trust that the bitter pain of losing my son will indeed turn into something sweet and full of joy again. James 1:2-4 says Dear Brothers and Sisters, whenever troble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

Reflecting back to last summer, these comforted me greatly. I would even drive out of my way just to see them on a regular basis. I don't know the people who planted them. In fact I may have even spooked them by driving past their home so often. I would even stop my car if no one was behind me just so I could look at them longer.

Planting a sunflower garden of our own to pay tribute to Jeremy's life seemed like a logical thing to do. A simple tribute. A positive use of our anger. A source of reflection to grow and look toward the Son.

It felt good to do some physical work and to use our anger to dig in the rocky soil in our backyard. We chose a perfect spot in the very back of our yard. We chose that spot because God willing, when the sunflowers grow, we should be able to see them from the yard and from our kitchen table as well. Each of us planted some seeds and used that moment to remember Jeremy and the impact he has made in our lives.

Many Prayer Warriors have given us sunflower seeds over the last year so we had quite a large amount of seeds to plant. We had also received actual sunflower plants that day as gifts. We chose to leave some of the plants in their containers on our front porch and then chose to plant the others in our garden.

When the day was done, we were pleased with our garden. We were thankful for all of the help we received to accomplish this task on such a painful day. We had help digging and tilling the soil. We had help purchasing a fence to protect our newly established garden. We had help purchasing special soil and fertilizer to ensure the seeds would in fact flourish. We even had help planting the seeds. The seeds themselves were even special as we had received them as gifts during this last year.

We prayed over the garden and filled our hearts with hope that it would grow.

So now we water, we hope, and we will wait and see what becomes of this garden. At the same time , I will reflect on Hebrews 4 :16 Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. I will pray and ask the Lord to fill our souls with all the nourishment that we need, we will continue to hope for good things to come, and we will wait and see what is to become of our family. We will endure this test of faith and allow our endurance to grow so that will be ready for the purpose that God has in mind for us all.