I awoke yesterday and within minutes just knew it would be "one of THOSE days". I peered out the window to find the fawn pictured above in my backyard. In fact, it was just beneath the window eating at my Hydrangea bush. The mother and it's sibling were outside the fence, where they should be in my opinion. Through the passage of a few additional minutes, we all became aware that it was scared and trapped in our yard. I wondered if it had jumped the fence or if it had entered the yard by another way. We all just watched the fawn until it began to "taste" Jeremy's garden. The fawn had crossed the line! I banged on the window to let it know to stop and it just looked at me. It was clear that further action needed to take place.
I went around to the back yard and when the deer saw me it scurried around in fear. I had no intentions of hurting the deer, only to shoo it away from Jeremy's garden. The fawn was confused and didn't know what to do. Right before my eyes, within seconds it seemed, the deer ran straight into Jeremy's garden and stomped on the sunflower plants. Seconds later, it did scale the fence and ran into the woods to the safety of it's mother and sibling. I just stood there in disbelief and cried. I had attempted to prevent damage to the plants that were growing, and in the end, I had caused great harm to be done to the garden.
I am aware that we are speaking about plants, but after all, it is Jeremy's Memorial Garden. The boys and I gathered broken twigs and sticks from the woods and did our best efforts to bandage and splint the broken stems. It looks like the worst damage is contained to one section of the garden.
I took the next few photos this morning as I checked in on the plants. To my surprise there have been significant changes even after one night. We did have some brief rain showers recently and perhaps the water really helped nurture the plants. I was amazed that I could see this much growth after yesterday's events, especially after I expected to see wilting plants.
There is growth. There are large buds and the beautiful sunny yellow petals are at the early stage of blooming. I am excited to see the beauty that is days away from emerging!
But it runs deeper than that...
I too have been broken. I experienced the worst kind of pain imaginable the day my son was carried to his eternal home with Jesus. I guess many have expected that I would wither and die. Perhaps not a physical death, but a spiritual death or a death of my soul. It was rather the contrary. I am running faster and with more conviction toward my God. Victory has been won. I have been ransomed. My Jesus loves me and has bandaged my wounds. These wounds may still seep and cause great pain but they are healing. Lately I have wondered if the pain that I feel will remain with me forever...While it is no secret that the pain exists in my soul, it is also true that my Savior has comforted me each and every day of this journey. He has offered a comfort that compares to no other. There is evidence of his presence daily in my life. He has not left me. He has not forsaken me.
I too have blooming left to do. Lately my branches and leaves are growing in directions that I never expected or even knew were possible. I am not healed to stand alone, not sure if I ever will be. I am learning to be more open to the possibilities that God has in mind for my life and a very deep notion that those ideas are not ones that I would have ever chosen for myself.
I will bloom again and shine for His glory. I will shine through the tears and the sorrow in my soul. I can and will bloom, even if I am like the sunflowers in our garden, tied with a string to a stick. Who knows, perhaps it is better this way. For as I am staked and tied by a string to stand, you can see where my support and comfort comes from. I am open and transparent for anyone to see that even when life breaks you down to your roots, God can and does redeem you for his glory. He has conquered the grave and he is mighty to save. He can rebuild. It takes time...a lot of time... time that seems to move to a different pace than I ever knew before. I painfully and tearfully offer him my willingness to grow in the garden of his choosing. My roots are reaching for a deeper understanding and relationship with Him, my green and living stem is growing stronger with each day in His grace, my leaves are emerging with the provisions that He has provided for me and my family.
Yes, there have been stormy days when the wind and rain have made it mighty hard to stand. There are days when I have shown signs that I am weathered by the storm. There are days when the enemy creeps in and gives everything to knock me down. Through it all, I have continued to battle Satan's attempts to gain power over me. There have been many storms this last year, too many to count, but I have strength from the Lord to stand and endure each and every one. I am living proof. Here I am. Here I stand with a tear stained face and all. The cross has spoken mercy over me. The sun has continued to shine. He has lovingly watered me and provided all the spiritual food that I have ever needed, every step of the way. Growing is a long process and not to be hurried. I did not wither. I am growing. I will bloom. Patience.
