Hello Summer!

I had a lot of fun with welcoming the new season of spring and saying goodbye to winter with a similar post back in April. I thought I would take a minute to jot down memories from the spring before SUMMER gets too far under way. I'd have to admit, it was much harder this time. Spring wasn't an easy season for our family this year. But, in true fashion to the name of this blog and the words that hang around my neck every day, I will dig deeper to find the sunshine from the spring too.

So Hello SUMMER! Goodbye spring of 2010. Here are my favorite memories from this past spring.

Favorite Memory
We were blessed to be able to take a few trips to the beach with our family this spring. There's no place that I would rather be than near the ocean. It was the sunshine we needed to get through such a difficult season of pain. The weather was amazingly warm for spring and so each trip was a true taste of summer for sure!

Favorite Song
I am really enjoying the latest Sara Groves CD. I really should record the kids singing Setting Up the Pins, it is heartwarming for sure! It's a catchy tune anyway but watching the kids sing it from their hearts makes me smile from the inside out!

I also really like one of Keith Urban's new songs Only You Could Love Me This Way. I love acoustic guitar music. This song speaks of my husband and my marriage. We have sure been through some tough times but through it all we keep holding on to what really matters. It's a forever deal for us, sunshine, rain, and everything in between. Sadly, some marriages cannot withstand the stress that the death of a child can cause on a relationship. Here's hoping we can... Here's hoping that we can hang on through the ups and downs of life, overcome this grief, and anything else that life may have to throw at us in the future. I'm praying that we can be happ in life as individuals and as a couple.


Favorite T.V. Show:
Friday Night Lights. I discovered that you can check out complete seasons of T.V. shows at the library. I am still on season one for now, but loving each episode so far!

Favorite Food Out:

Hershey Bar cake, shrimp and grits (Some things never change), and homemade cornbread

*all three came from the same restaurant

Favorite Food Homemade
While were at the beach, I enjoyed making Mother's Seafood Cioppino, a recipe that I stumbled upon many years ago. It quickly became a family favorite and has remained so to this day! Over the years, I've added more seafood and we prefer it this way. Google the recipe and try it yourself. Add whatever seafood you like and you won't be disappointed.

Favorite Purchase:

I found a sunflower plate at Pier One Imports.

I also added a few new outfits to my wardrobe. You know when the goin' gets tough, you Get Up, Get Dressed, and Show Up For Life. That's it. One Foot in front of the other...eventually the time passes and you can breathe easier again. Show up for life with the best that you have each day and Be As You Are...

Favorite Drink:

Iced Coffee and Sparkling Water

Favorite Event:

I don't have one...do I ever? I loved that I was emotionally able to be more present at the kid's special events and also for the extraordinary everyday moments too. I treasure the opportunity to be their Mom.

I couldn't live without... sunglasses, flip flops, a good book, and a good purse to keep me organized in my crazy life.

So, now it is your turn. Let me know your favorites from this past spring season. Leave a comment here, e-mail me, write to me, call me. It will be the sunshine of my day. One person shared their responses in the winter, so I am hoping to at least double that this time around.

By the way, did you notice that I even noticed how to change font colors this time too?

Summer Bliss

Life has been busy. Three kids in three different places for the week. Need I say more? Is this really summer? You bet...the kids are having a blast this week so far and so am I. The smiles on their faces are worth every minute of running all around town!

camp/VBS

lazy afternoons/evenings at the pool

Daddy making dinner and having it ready when WE get home. Yes, that really happened. :)

Grandparents delivering dinner to us tonight at the pool. We are so blessed!
Freshly made soft crab cake sandwiches and hot dogs ...MMMmmm
The new me even enjoyed a fresh tomato slice on my sandwich. Never too late to learn new things I guess...

fresh watermelon

delicious dessert options at the snack bar
What a difference a year makes.. three independent children strolling over to the snack bar eager to make their selections! The delight in buying 5 cents worth of Tootsie Rolls and being over the moon about their choice!

I'll soak this in for awhile.

Happy summer y'all!

Inspired

My husband said he was inspired...




Gift bags filled to the brim with goodies were delivered this week for the Dads in honor of Father's Day. I am filled with such joy knowing in some small way, we can make a difference in the heart of someone facing such pain. We aren't called to to take it away, we certainly would if we could, but we can't. We ARE called to LOVE one another in the sunshine and in the rain.
1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, love each other deeply...9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
This is just one of many ways that we could choose to show love and compassion to others.






I was INSPIRED by a fellow blogger and grieving Mom to make something home made for the families staying at the respite house. Thanks for the idea Julie.
http://www.joyshope.com/2009/04/mason-jar-cupcakes.html


Have a peek at my version ...






...and My, Oh My, how very versatile they are indeed! A few lonely cupcakes were left over . My oldest child had his last baseball game of the season and a Coaches gift was needed. Here's the end result.






Our family had fun bringing this challenge to fruition in a few days. The kids were ever so helpful and I am delighted to spend time as a family helping others in need. It really doesn't get any better than that folks!


Thanks to my dear friend who offered her time to get the treats ready for delivery. It's amazing how she showed up just when I needed her the most. The ribbon and I were not the best of friends. Songs about rainbows tangled my thoughts, buckled my knees, and made my eyes misty. Yet the evening spent working side by side, wrapping jars, was one more provision along this journey. Help, love, and compassion were given even before I knew that I needed a Prayer Warrior to be present last night.


Spending the morning with the kids delivering "sunshine and love" to parents walking a road that I can relate to, was a privilege. A sure gift for everyone involved. I hope compassion grows in the hearts of my children and lasts a lifetime. It remains difficult to travel those familiar roads but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world... What part of this world do YOU have the power to change in big or small ways? Look into your heart and find love. May you find windows of opportunities to love one another and experience those random acts of kindness towards others. It is life changing, beginning with you, and then the ripple effect begins...

Shine

I found this cute little bracelet in a little shop at the beach. I was supposed to be there purchasing a gift for someone else. I could not resist adding this little bracelet into my shopping bag once I read the quote that came with it. The card reads:

Simplicity*

Embrace the simple things in life...

SHINE

Drink up each ray of sunshine

Feel the promise of hope at dawn

And bask in the miracle of a new day.

This bracelet was surely designed for me!

Lighten Up With Lemonade Chicken

I thought I would lighten things up a little today. Not necessarily speaking about calories...

Last summer I was invited to be a part of a meal swap group. This group of ladies would plan to get together once a month to swap suppers made for busy families. I don't think I even needed to think about my decision about whether to participate, my answer was, Yes! I love being a part of this group. I cherish the friendships, savor each and every delicious meal, and I can't tell you how much easier dinner time is in our house.

Last night was our swap night. I took my camera with every intention of taking a picture of our group but I forgot once the conversations began. Sorry ladies, I'll have to make that attempt again next month.

This month I chose to make Lemonade Chicken. I've never had it before but it sounded scrumptious and like a perfect summer meal. Here's the recipe if you want to give it a try yourself.

Ingredients:
6 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
6 oz. frozen lemonade concentrate, thawed
1/3 cup soy sauce
1 tsp. garlic powder

Assembly:
Place chicken in freezer bag.
Combine the lemonade, soy sauce and garlic powder and pour over the chicken.
Seal out air and freeze flat.

Serving Day:
Thaw completely.
Pour into a greased 9 x 13-inch baking dish.
Cover with foil and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.
Uncover. Spoon juices over chicken and cook another 10 minutes uncovered.
Enjoy with a salad and your favorite side!

If you try this recipe, I'd love to hear what you think.

This month in my freezer I have:
Royal Thai Thighs
Jambalaya
4 B's Grilled Pork Chops
Onion Soup Meat
and Basil Pork Chops with Caesar Penne Pasta

Looks like it is shaping up to be a very yummy month of meals!

Green Growth Emerges

First thing yesterday morning we headed out to give our newly planted seeds some water knowing that it would be another hot day. Little boys and hoses...imagining that image should make you smile. I did.

We were surprised to see new growth emerging from the soil already. What a sweet way to begin our day.

Speaking of the garden and seeds. If you know us in real life we lovingly invite you to our home to plant a sunflower, a seed of hope, in Jeremy's garden. Stop by sometime when you are free, no formal invitation or gathering is planned. If you live far, far, away or only know us in the blog world, perhaps you could plant a seed of your own in your yard. We would be honored if you would spread hope and Jeremy's Sunshine for the world to see...

A dear friend and prayer warrior gave me a book by Candi-Pearson Shelton titled Desperate Hope-When Faith in God Overcame My Despair. (still can't figure out how to underline) I've just begun to read it, but so far, it has been amazing! This is what the author had to say about HOPE.

"There is more to an aftermath than a simple time of felt consequences left from the disaster that brings it about. Instead, it is more akin to a second growth from the season of pain, the harvest of our grief bringing about a second crop. The aftermath of hope is about wandering around in the rubble, finding the green mingled in with the char, picking up the pieces that aren't burned or completely shattered, and finding in the new growth a collection of new ideas, new vision, new character, and a new, more certain hope.

And whether from talent or compulsion of the soul, there is great value in recording the gentle whispers and hard-learned faith lessons that make up the aftermath, springing up like tender shoots of vivid green grass through the contrasting blackened dry soot. These are my blades of grass, the lessons in the aftermath, told with the heart of an explorer fresh from the adventure, brimming with the tales of terror and scars, of beauty and redemption.

The aftermath of hope. HOPE in all its glory."

I found this passage rather moving and have read it over and over again several times. I couldn't keep it to myself. It isn't just about grieving the loss of someone you love. Some of you reading this may also be finding life rather painful these days for other reasons and therefore are fighting to have HOPE in the midst of that circumstance. Perhaps the loss of the life you wanted, the loss of a job, the loss of a marriage or longing for a relationship, an illness, and many other troubling circumstances that we often face in this world. I hope the passage may encourage you if you are indeed needing to hold on to HOPE.

I pray that the tender green shoots growing in Jeremy's garden will serve as a visual reminder to me of the transformations occurring within my soul. I am still growing and evolving day after day. I can only HOPE to be a better person today than I was yesterday.

I pray that I recognize the new growth emerging from the recent passage of a difficult season for our family. Today marks the day of Jeremy's funeral two years ago. It is one of the last days on the near horizon that I can at least predict. I am almost nothing like the person I once was then. I barely recognize myself...I'd like to think that beside the pain and the yuck, there have been many positive changes within my soul too! Today I will do my best to focus on the good growth that came from this and also the growth that is perhaps yet to come, from our disaster. I will do my best NOT to dwell in the aftermath of destruction that has been left behind. I will continue to have faith in a God that works all things together for the greater good. I will have HOPE in my heart today, tomorrow, and in the days to come.

Wishing each and everyone of us many sunny moments today!

Jeremy's Second Angel-versary

I dug my feet hard in the ground trying to will away this date from my calendar. I was truly afraid of the pain that I would feel on this day and wasn't sure if I could endure it again...

I've learned that I do not have a choice. I am on this ride and I have little control over where it leads me and when and if I will ever get off. The date on the calendar did come despite all of my attempts to stop it. I woke up sad, naturally, but also decided to surrender to it all, whatever it may be, early in the day. Once I got out of my own way and let the ride go where it would lead me and stopped fighting, I realized it was truly a beautiful day. The only word that could describe the day would be that it was a GIFT.

No, I never wanted to have days like this for our family. It is what it is, and sadly we do have a child that has reached his eternal home far earlier than any of us would have expected or wanted. Sadly for us, but not for him...I remember feeling this win/win attitude from the get go of this journey. I knew it would be hard if we had to let Jeremy go to his eternal home,and I was right, it certainly has been. But I do also still believe that Jeremy won. That hasn't changed. I try so hard to stay focused on that image during these most painful of days. I can only imagine the life Jeremy has in heaven.

(I've been in a very deep and reflective place for many days now. Forgive me, but I lack the ability to formulate my feelings and thoughts into words, or at least the words that I want. So while I am desperate to remember these thoughts and feelings of this particular day, I will borrow the thoughts of two people. One person I do not have permission to use their thoughts but will give full credit and the other I do have permission to share. )

Louie Giglio, a person I greatly admire but have never met, wrote about a young man that he once knew who had passed away at early age. He wrote these words and I changed the name to Jeremy's so it would be personal to our story. Louie, I hope you don't mind. I also hope that you don't mind me sharing your words. They have deeply comforted me, many times over. In sharing, my prayer is that they may help someone else too. I am sure, knowing what I do know of you, you wouldn't mind.
Louie writes...
"God loves us all more than we can conceive, and he loves Jeremy more than anyone on earth ever could. That's saying a lot, given the amount of love that some of you reading these words have stored in your heart for him. Yet, while Jeremy was shared with us, he was created for God. And in His perfect time God opened a doorway for Jeremy to behold Him face to face. What's really amazing is that because of Jesus, we'll see Jeremy again and he will be smiling that famous Jeremy smile. I hope that we'll be smiling too, carrying with us the fruit of lives lived well for the stuff that matters most. In that moment, when hope tumbles into certainty, our tears will evaporate into shouts of joy. We win!"

June 8th was beautiful. We wouldn't change a thing other than of course not to have an Angel-versary at all...although given the imagery I just attempted to paint in our minds, who wouldn't celebrate? Jeremy is free from all pain and suffering of this fallen world. I know...now you ask if I am happy or sad on days like June 8th? This is the place where us humans tend to get stuck. I have often referred to this as my struggle to get my head and and my heart in the same place, a phenomenon that I truly think will never happen.

A dear friend and prayer warrior wrote to me on June 8th and said "There were beautiful rays of sunshine today filling the sky and a gentle breeze blowing, cooling it to a very cozy temperature, as if the Holy Spirit himself was offering refreshing, soothing breaths of comfort and peace. I do hope that you found a moment today with the Lord where His love enveloped you; an embrace from our heavenly Father who adores you. I know you are trying to surrender and let go of certain things, and I pray for you in that process, as the Lord walks with you and leads you down His path. The road isn't easy but He promises to lighten our burden." Her words couldn't have described our day any better. Our day was indeed filled with much God breathed peace, a peace that passes all human understanding. God did make His presence known throughout the day and for that I give praise and many thanks.

The pictures below will share with you a little of our journey on Jeremy's Second Angel-versary . There were also some very tender moments that the camera did not capture. These are the moments that can only be remembered by the warm memories in our hearts and will never be forgotten.

Heartfelt thanks and gratefulness goes out to each and every human heart that in one way or another shared their broken hearted love with us on this most difficult of days. Thank you for remembering Jeremy and his legacy that he left for us all. Thank you for sharing all of the ways that our sweet baby changed your hearts and lives for the better. Thank you for all of ways that you loved us on June 8th and for the ways that you loved others as Jeremy loved...as God loves. We would not be able to continue on this grief journey without the provisions of your love, prayers, and compassion.

What a ride...each peak and valley transforming our hearts and minds...

Angel Mail #13

My Dearest Jeremy,

Two years ago today, you peacefully left the arms of your Daddy and I to begin your eternal life in heaven with Jesus. Unexpected. Unplanned. Unwanted. I remember every moment of that day and every one that preceded it. I can hardly believe that two years have passed by since then. There have been days that I didn't know how I could go on without you, days that I didn't know what to do to ease the pain, days that I spent trying to figure everything out, and days that I have surrendered, only to try and be back in control again the very next day. I'm not sure where I am exactly today, but I have continued to live one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

Your life changed me. I am a completely different person than I once was, a person that to this very day, I am still learning to accept and get to know. Your life changed people everywhere. You changed your family, you changed friends, you changed people that were acquaintances. You changed people that we have never even met. Even more profound to me, is the fact that your life changes people still today, two years after you have left this earth.

Your second Angel-versary was beautiful. I wouldn't change a thing, other than of course to not have such a day and to see you running around with your siblings catching fireflies and enjoying the simple pleasures of summer. This of course would be selfish of me to want such a thing. Given what I do know about heaven, I would imagine that you wouldn't want to leave, even if it were to come to your earthly home with us, your family.

For weeks I have been dreading this date on the calendar. I still fight to fully accept that you are indeed gone from my arms and from our sight but know that you will NEVER be gone from our thoughts and our hearts. You are still and will always remain a very important part of our family forever.

Part of my survival today was to stay focused on the fact that you are healed. You are now perfect in every way. It is one of the ONLY things that I confidentally know to be true. I may question much of this earth, but I do not question where you are and your well being. I have been fixated on yet another song this last week or so. I know you are not surprised. Ironically it is track number 8 on the CD. I added it to my playlist here on this blog for your prayer warriors who may be brave enough to continue to show broken hearted love with me and your family. Listening to the song, By His Wounds, helps me to visualize you healed and to be grateful for the gift of eternal life bought for us all on the cross by our Lord. For it is only I, that needs that assurance, not you.

We felt your presence on our recent vacation. It was difficult to come home to face today, but by the same token I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was everything that I would have wanted it to be. I am so honored to be your Mother. I am so very proud of you.

I was doing dishes tonight after supper and listening to Lifesong by Casting Crowns. I cried thinking about your beautiful life song. Your lifesong is amazing! I can't get enough of it! You taught me so much and touched so many lives. I can only hope that my lifesong sings and brings as much glory to God as yours has in your lifetime and beyond.

Your light shines ever so brightly even today! I am grateful for your life light today and each and every day of my life. I am grateful for every moment that you were here on this earth. I am grateful for the journey and I wouldn't trade your time with us for anything in the world. I am sorry that your time here on this earth was filled with suffering but rest in the promise that you have forgotten all about it where you are now. I am grateful for the person that you helped me to become, even through the pain.

My thoughts seem scattered tonight perhaps because my heart is so broken.

I miss you more than words can say...and long to hold you again someday.

Until we meet again, all my love to you on Angel's Wings...

Mommy

Unpacking

We've just returned from a long overdue and much needed time away at the beach. I spent most of the day unpacking and getting myself organized for the upcoming week. I decided unpacking isn't as much fun as packing...I guess it is all of that anticipation of fun times to be had, that makes packing for a trip so much fun.

This time unpacking was even more dreadful since we have come home to face a rather difficult week ahead.

I am about to embark on yet another leg of our journey this week. Except,this time, I'm not sure what I'll need and what I can leave behind. This journey, one of grief, is very different from every other trip I've ever taken. To begin with, it was unplanned. My journey through grief began with an empty suitcase. My husband describes our early days of grief like the scene from Monsters INC. where Sully and Mike are pushed through the door into an unknown place. Unexpected. Unprepared. Shocked. I've needed to figure out what to pack and what to leave behind with each step of the way. The trip hasn't been pleasant either.

What few others realize is that grief changes a person forever. It changes every fiber of a person. Grief can change everything and resets "the syllabus to life" that most us align ourselves to as we navigate through our lifetime. The belief in most things that we ever knew to be true are on shifting sand...I have been on a road of self discovery ever since. I've been deciding all along, with each peak and valley, each twist and turn, with each new day that I survive, what I want to take on the road of this new life and what I want to leave behind.

Always attempting my best to stay on a positive track of thought-

"Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself"

-George Bernard Shawn

So as the second year without Jeremy fades into the history of my heart and soul, I will begin the dawn of the first day of the new year hopeful that perhaps the worst season of my grief will be behind me. I survived. I am hopeful that the hard work and the most painful work has been done and that lighter days are soon on the horizon.