Between the scorching heat and the wild animals, we aren't finding ourselves too successful at getting our sunflower memorial garden to grow this year. I am sad.
To be truthful, it really bothers me. We all enjoyed tending to the garden and watching the fruits of our labor grow inch by inch last summer. We could see the beautiful garden from our kitchen table and the sunflowers brought welcomed joy to our eyes with each pass by the windows.
That was then and this is now...I've been here before. I've done what I could to recreate something that provided sustained comfort for our family last summer but it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason this year. It is what it is...now I must let it go. There are a handful of plants that may surprise me and bloom this year but we'll have to wait and see. Time will tell.
To make matters worse, there was a house in our neighborhood that planted sunflowers on a hill near the side of the road. I have been known to go out of my way just to drive past the sunflowers while they were blooming. I was looking forward to that garden this year too. Imagine my anticipation when I saw green growth and my excitement for the yellow rays of sunshine grew even greater with each pass by their home. Guess what is growing on that hillside this year? Watermelons! I've now lost count of just how many watermelons are growing on that hill. I am disappointed, but after all, it is not my place to tell someone else what to plant in their gardens.
Even funnier is that three near and dears have shared with me that they have sunflowers growing in their gardens that they did not plant this year. Thank you for sharing the stories and the pictures with me Jen, Erin, and Mom and Dad!
Today I am left to look beyond my garden and my realm of control to find peace and joy. I am stepping out more and more each day into a world where I never ever expected to feel joy again. It's a little like training for a race. The challenge rarely stays the same and periodically over time the challenges increase in difficulty. For the longest time, I have stayed in control of the elements in my life so that I could cope with day to day life. I've controlled the outside elements by cocooning and protecting myself from anything else that would inflict more pain on a very raw wound. I controlled what I did, who I saw, what we watched on television, and what I read just to name a few. Well...perhaps I am standing stronger now than I give myself credit for and I am indeed ready for more work and challenge in this new adventure as the new and improved me. Perhaps I am challenged to cocoon less, feel more, and to balance the pain of more triggers that are out and about in my every day life. Perhaps this has been my newest challenge?
My choice instead of being angry about the lack of growth in my garden will be to instead focus on the growth in my soul. Isn't that more important anyway? I have come a long way! Beginning this very moment, I will keep an eye out for those sunflowers growing elsewhere this summer and I will soak up those random moments of joy when they pop up in my world. Have you ever noticed how the blossoms of a sunflower face the sun and the heavens? Each blossom will remind me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, for it is HE that can truly give me the peace that I so desperatelly need and seek from day to day. I will choose to see the sunflowers as welcomed Rays of Sunshine and to embrace those reminders of a small but powerful life that left a deep impact on many in this world. I love you sweet son of mine...I always will...
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