It is a tradition that I thought our family would never have.
Yesterday, we went to the store to pick out artificial Christmas flowers.
We drove to the cemetery where we would decorate a grave, Jeremy's grave for Christmas.
There were a lot of other families there yesterday doing the very same thing. . .
Most of the graves in the section where Jeremy is buried were already decorated. I felt horrible getting there so late. I just didn't have the strength to go until yesterday.
I did feel better after it was done. I took florist foam and floral tape, but I wasn't successful using either of them so it will be interesting to see if the flowers actually stay for a period of time. Of course it was windy today so time will tell. . .
My two year old walked up with his hands in his pockets looked down at Jeremy's grave and said "Hi, Jeremy."
My daughter buckled to her knees in the mud and started to cry, talk to Jeremy, and pray.
My oldest was so concerned about me and watched every move so carefully.
All of the kids were eager to help decorate their brothers grave for Christmas. It was beautiful having all of us there together. I just wish with all my heart it didn't have to be this way.
My grandparents are buried right beside Jeremy so I was pleased to decorate their grave as well. My other family members have been helping me to tend to Jeremy's grave, so it felt good to help them out too for a change.
I never thought I would be this person, tending to the graves so meticulously. I used baby wipes to wipe away the mud from the headstones and scraped pine needles and other fallen leaves from the bases as well.
I am numb. I wanted to decorate our tree with his first Christmas ornaments and then the new ones from this year. I wanted to watch him enamored with the lights and ornaments on the tree. I wanted to see him not care about the presents and only play with the tissue paper, ribbons, bags, and bows. I wanted to fill his stocking. I guess I have all the memories from the other three and I assumed he would follow in their footsteps.
He followed the footsteps that really matter. Letting Jeremy go was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. He grabbed the hand of Jesus on April 1st and he followed those footsteps holding onto Jesus' hand to his eternal home in heaven on June 8th. Jeremy's life was a gift that keeps on giving. He has changed hearts in more ways than one but none more than mine.
I pray that I can hold on to the good he has done for me, my family, and for many others out there in the world this Christmas and let my heart be filled with that peace. I pray that my heart can embrace the true meaning of Christmas and not the commercial aspects.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
A Grieving Family's Christmas Preparations
As always, preparing for Christmas has been a balancing act. We asked the children what they wanted to do this year for Christmas. I think my husband and I could just skip over the holiday all together. We thought it would be great to go somewhere warm where it didn't even look like Christmas. However, we do have three other children and they deserve a "Merry Christmas" probably more than ever this year. They have been through a lot and we are so sad that they have had to learn of this pain at such a young age. They put up with a lot on a daily basis, more than most kids. We try to keep our focus on the real meaning of Christmas and making the holidays special for our children despite the intense sadness in our home.
The problem is we have barely got back on our feet from the Thanksgiving holidays and Jeremy's First Birthday. Now we are working hard to prepare our hearts for Christmas. As always, there are painful memories attached. This time last year, Jeremy was in the hospital for the first time. He was born with a birth defect that we didn't know about and needed emergency surgery to repair it. We saw so much during that period of time at the hospital. At that time, it was the worst thing that we had ever experienced with any of our children. However, we were continually reassured that Jeremy would be fine. He would leave the hospital and go on to lead a "normal" life. (We all know that never happened. Jeremy's life was far from normal) He would eat normal foods, play like normal babies, and the experience at the hospital would be a fading memory. We were so thankful. There were other babies there that we met that never came home from the hospital, that had serious health concerns, and then even others that would have health concerns their whole life. We prayed for them. It broke my heart seeing what I saw. Jeremy was supposed to be fine. I was told that as he grew up, he would be unable to even see the scar on his stomach. I probably would, but I'm his mother. We brought him home just before Christmas and much to our surprise, he developed RSV and needed to go back to the emergency room. More fun. . . We were lucky to just get treated just in the ER this time. No ambulance ride. . . Then one of our other children developed RSV too and he needed lots of medical attention as well! Needless to say we stayed home for Christmas. It was quiet, but good, even with the sickness. I kept thinking things would keep looking up day after day and our family could finally begin to enjoy life with our new addition to the family. I even have pictures of all six of us in pajamas for most of the day. We were tired, worried, frustrated, but kept saying 2008 would be great!
Well. . . I'm not sure I can say that now. I had no idea what would rear it's ugly head just three months later. I had no idea that my life was about to change forever. I had no idea that I would have to say goodbye to my sweet baby at just six months old. My heart aches for him and the fact that he spent so much of his already short life, sick.
The holidays are here and I struggle to find the emotional stamina needed to stay focused. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could replay each moment one more time. I would cherish it so differently knowing what I know now. I know God collects each and every tear that falls from my eyes. After all, he sent his only son to this humble world to save us from our sins. His son suffered too. Jesus suffered and hung on the cross. He suffered so that we could be saved. In my shattered heart, I will praise and honor him for his true gift to the world. I will look for the images of Jeremy celebrating Christ's birth in heaven, Oh what a sight that must be.
The photos included above show a few of the Christmas decorations in our home. We found a frame in the shape of a sunshine. Our pastor at church reminded me one day that it is because of the light from the sun that we are able to see the moon and the moonlight on the horizon at night. It refreshed my soul and gave new meaning to my obsession with sunshines. It reminds me to let God's light shine through me, even through the midst of tragedy. He still loves me and Jeremy even though he allowed this happen. Someday I will know the whole truth and it will all be good. Read the comment section from the earlier post. One special reader reminded me that not only will I spend eternity with my son in heaven, I will NOT REMEMBER this pain when I get there. I WILL NOT REMEMBER this hurt and this pain that has engulfed my soul. That friends, comforts me like nothing else can.
The next photo shows a tree made for us by a local Girl Scout troop. Is that beautiful or what? Again, I can't tell you the peace it sends to my heart to look at it all lit up at night. Each one of the girls decorated an angel to hang on the tree and each one is absolutely beautiful. Of course they placed Jeremy, our angel, at the top of the tree. It reminds me that Jeremy is an angel. He is healed and at peace. He walks with Jesus and with all those that have gone on to heaven. I was so touched by the compassion showed to our family from these special children. They reminded us that we are still in the thoughts and prayers of many families in our community. It is comforting to know that so many families petition the Lord on our behalf.
I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the angel pictured in the third photo. It was made for our home. I had never seen an angel like this before and I had to have it. It has golden hair and the wings are yellow and blue. The angel is flying with a blue ribbon cascading all around him. I think this is one decoration that may stay up all year.
Our tree has been put up. It is not the department store tree by any means, but after all it was decorated with love. Our children decorated the tree with their ornaments and then we hung plenty of the blue bracelets on the branches as well. It was hard to get the ornament box down and find Jeremy's first Christmas ornaments. This was a time that was so very painful. We had to let the children follow through on something that they wanted to do, but it was so hard looking at Jeremy's ornaments. It was so awful not holding him in our arms and helping him to hang his ornaments on our tree. It still makes me cry even as I write this very sentence. I look at our stockings hanging, all six of them. It is just so many other experiences, if we hang it, it hurts to look at it and know that it will remain empty. If I don't hang it, it will be a visual reminder that there is someone missing from our family and that doesn't feel right either.
Lord, I pray that you send your peace to our hearts today as we continue to prepare our hearts and minds for the celebration of Christmas,the birth of your son, Christ Jesus. Let our hearts be open to your goodness and grace. Teach us and show us ways that we can be like "Jesus" to others that are hurting, lost, and in need of your love. Help us Lord, to be a beacon of your light, shining brightly for the world to see, even as we mourn the loss of Jeremy. Replace our horrible images of Jeremy suffering with images of him cradled in your arms. Help us Lord to feel the warmth of your love and the sun still shining down on me.
Lord, I also ask for your healing hands to be placed upon our friends at the hospital. Help heal those children and adults Lord and return them to their homes to be with their families this Christmas.
Amen.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Well there are just no words to describe where I am. I am too tired and too sad to try and describe my feelings. I thought sleep deprivation from a newborn was bad. I was wrong. Depression and exhaustion are a bad mix.
I continue to find comfort in text, so I read. Tonight I stumbled onto a passage that struck me. A friend gave me a book called A Broken Heart Still Beats by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel . (Yes, I still haven't figured out how to underline a title in the blog format. )
The passage reads, "True grief. . . was a secret that defied divulging. There was no way to know it unless it had been bestowed upon you, no way to pass it on once it had arrived."
That was powerful. Oh, how I long to be done with this stage of my life and get back to where I was. If only that were really possible, but of course it isn't today, and it never will be. Jeremy will never come back to this house, his home here on earth. I will never hold my son again. The pain is just indescribable. I would never think of passing this on. I hurt even more knowing some of the other parents that carry this same cross. My heart aches even more for the ones that I don't know. I wouldn't pass this on knowingly to ANYONE!!!!!!
It hurts knowing that this grief is here to stay. I will need to learn a way to cope with it's existence in my life, but it is nonetheless, here to stay. So day after day, this is what happens.
"You just do what you need to do. You wake up every day, and you summon up the energy from somewhere, even when you think you haven't got it, and you get through the day. And you do that day, after day, after day." Jesus carries me these days for sure.
The day after day stuff is hard enough. The added stress of another holiday, Christmas, is drowning me.
I continue to find comfort in text, so I read. Tonight I stumbled onto a passage that struck me. A friend gave me a book called A Broken Heart Still Beats by Anne McCracken and Mary Semel . (Yes, I still haven't figured out how to underline a title in the blog format. )
The passage reads, "True grief. . . was a secret that defied divulging. There was no way to know it unless it had been bestowed upon you, no way to pass it on once it had arrived."
That was powerful. Oh, how I long to be done with this stage of my life and get back to where I was. If only that were really possible, but of course it isn't today, and it never will be. Jeremy will never come back to this house, his home here on earth. I will never hold my son again. The pain is just indescribable. I would never think of passing this on. I hurt even more knowing some of the other parents that carry this same cross. My heart aches even more for the ones that I don't know. I wouldn't pass this on knowingly to ANYONE!!!!!!
It hurts knowing that this grief is here to stay. I will need to learn a way to cope with it's existence in my life, but it is nonetheless, here to stay. So day after day, this is what happens.
"You just do what you need to do. You wake up every day, and you summon up the energy from somewhere, even when you think you haven't got it, and you get through the day. And you do that day, after day, after day." Jesus carries me these days for sure.
The day after day stuff is hard enough. The added stress of another holiday, Christmas, is drowning me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Jeremy's First Birthday
Warning: Pull up a chair and get comfortable. This is a long post.
In some ways I was no different than so many other parents. Most won't admit it but there is a certain level of exhaustion that comes after the party is over and the birthday party was a success. I am not a Martha Stewart type that can pull everything together and make it seem effortless. I'll admit it, it is usually stressful and a lot of work. All of the planning and all of the excitement are definitely worth it to see the smile on your child's face on their birthday.
Jeremy's birthday was a success and was everything that I wanted it to be except for the fact that I wanted for him to be here himself to see it all. Somewhere in my soul, I know that he was here and he did see it. I hope that I made him proud.
We went shopping as a family and purchased gifts for Jeremy. That was a big relief. We enjoyed picking out gifts that we would have purchased for him but we donated them to the PICU. It was so endearing to see the children really put so much effort into their gift selections. Our oldest picked out a few movies that he thought the kids would like, our middle child picked out a yellow, fuzzy, soft blanket with giraffes all over it, and our youngest contributed his favorite lullaby CD. I found myself replacing some of the comfort items that Jeremy loved so much. I was relieved to be able to still shop for him and know that these gifts would help someone else, another child. I know these gifts will not erase the experience at the PICU but at least they may provide a smile or comfort them in some small way.
We of course visited Jeremy's grave and I was proud to remember flowers this time. I even found sunflowers in November. It was raining and bitter cold. I was angry. I wanted to stand there or sit there and just have a peaceful moment with him. I laughed a little knowing that Jeremy probably wanted it this way. He wouldn't want me to be standing there crying over his grave. He taught me that we have only been promised this very moment in time and to make the best of it, no matter what. He doesn't want me to waste so much time being sad all the time.
The next day we had the amazing privilege of being able to hold a blood drive in his memory. My grateful heart is overflowing. This is my grateful heart list. I do not intentionally mean to leave anyone or anything out. Please forgive me if an oversight is made. If an oversight happens, it is only in this posting not in our hearts.
We are grateful for the location that was made available to us to use for the blood drive. I am grateful for each of the prayer warriors who are employed at this location. You did a true act of kindness offering your space and allowing us to infringe a little on your time and usual routine. We hope that your space was returned to it's rightful condition.
We are grateful for the individual who helped us get the ball rolling on this blood drive back in September, secured the date, and took care of the details so I could focus on the meal that I was planning in October.
I am grateful for the Red Cross. Without this organization, these types of events could not take place. I am grateful for the individuals that made the blood units and products available for Jeremy when he needed it most.
I am thankful for the coordinator at the Red Cross who made the whole planning process so easy. I'll gladly do it again.
I am thankful for the Red Cross employees who took such good care of our prayers warrior donors!
I am grateful for the 12 first time donors. I admire each of you for your strength and willingness to be brave. I pray that you discovered the true gift that you gave to someone, a complete stranger, and felt a power in your soul knowing that your compassion and generosity gave someone a second chance at life. May you each find the desire in your hearts to donate again sometime soon. I also pray that you may inspire someone else to donate blood as well.
I am grateful for the individual who donated hours of her time to call each and every donor with a reminder call the weekend before the blood drive. You have such a giving heart.
I am grateful for my Bake Sale coordinator. You are the SWEETEST person I know! Thanks for your hard work to make this aspect of the event such a success. Thanks for sacrificing over 12 hours of your time and family time to be such a great friend to us.
I am grateful for each and every baker, young and old! Without your donations, the bake sale would not have been possible! In addition, I have so many recipes to request! I feel a cookbook fundraiser bubbling to the surface!
I am grateful for each person that came to the event to shop at the bake sale. We raised over $800 for Jeremy's Foundation because of your generosity!
I am grateful for the opportunity to support the PICU in their efforts to make a difference in the lives of critically ill children and their families. I am grateful to have the power to do something positive in Jeremy's memory.
I am grateful for my sunshine team that visited the PICU that evening to spread some cheer and share some sweets.
I am grateful for our PICU family. You are never far from our hearts and I love that you welcome us with hugs and smiles each time we visit. We admire your courage and willingness to care for sick children and their families. You have a tough job but oh so rewarding. You make a difference in the world. Do you even know the impact that you each leave on the hearts of each and every patient and their families???
I am grateful for the individual at the hospital who will take the time to help me find ways to have a positive impact on the lives of others. I am grateful for the opportunity to honor Jeremy's memory.
I am grateful for Jeremy's pediatrician. You say that I am amazing, well you are amazing as well. I am humbled that you took the time to attend the blood drive and offer your support. You have had our backs this whole time and yet you continue to extend your compassionate heart to us in our many hours of need. Your support means so much to us, still. We are thankful to have you in our lives.
I am grateful for Jeremy's surgeon. I was so happy to see you and feel honored that you thought enough of us and Jeremy to take the time to attend this event. You will have a special place in our hearts forever. You have a precious gift. It is an honor to know you and watch the miracles that you have a part of every single day!
I am grateful and humbled by the other PICU families that have been forever woven into our hearts. We may have walked those halls of the PICU together for a period of time but we are bound together for good. We thank you for supporting us and helping us out. We are eternally grateful for your support and love.
I am grateful for our family and dear friends that took such loving care of our other children throughout the day so we could devote our attention to the blood drive. We had no worries. . .
I am grateful for the generous donations of copies, babysitting hours, etc. You helped us give more to others who really need to feel love and compassion.
I am grateful for the prayer warriors that have continued to lift us up in prayer. Thank you for not letting us go, times are still tough and the pain is ever so great. Thank you for the many prayers said on behalf of a successful blood drive.
I am grateful to my husband for his unconditional love, support and patience. This journey is tough but we will reach our planned destination someday and our family will be reunited. I am grateful for our marriage and our ability to hold on, even when the waves of the storm would otherwise like to rip us apart.
I am grateful for my three children on this earth who still bring many smiles and joy to my heart every day. I am honored to be your mother. I promise to be grateful for each moment we can spend together as a family. We may be broken but we are still a family.
I am grateful for our extended family. Your unconditional love and understanding helps us continue to put one foot in front of the other, day after day. You haven't let us fall. . . Thank you for everything!
I am grateful for Jeremy. I am grateful for the happy memories and for your place in this family. Your life was a gift to so many, but especially to us, your family. I am grateful for the lessons that have been learned in so many aspects of life. I am grateful for the impact that you have and will continue to have on the lives of so many. You did it baby, you were a part of change in this world.
I am grateful for Jesus. I am grateful that you entrusted Jeremy to me, even if only for six short months. You have made everything in my life that is good, better and worthwhile and everything in my life that wasn't or isn't so good, bearable. You carry me when I cannot go on. NO matter where I am, you are by my side and you love me. I am thankful for what I have because of your presence in my life. I am thankful for the gift of my life and all the countless blessings that you have filled it with. I am grateful for your love and your promise to this world. Through this storm, while I still don't understand your ways, I will praise you.
In some ways I was no different than so many other parents. Most won't admit it but there is a certain level of exhaustion that comes after the party is over and the birthday party was a success. I am not a Martha Stewart type that can pull everything together and make it seem effortless. I'll admit it, it is usually stressful and a lot of work. All of the planning and all of the excitement are definitely worth it to see the smile on your child's face on their birthday.
Jeremy's birthday was a success and was everything that I wanted it to be except for the fact that I wanted for him to be here himself to see it all. Somewhere in my soul, I know that he was here and he did see it. I hope that I made him proud.
We went shopping as a family and purchased gifts for Jeremy. That was a big relief. We enjoyed picking out gifts that we would have purchased for him but we donated them to the PICU. It was so endearing to see the children really put so much effort into their gift selections. Our oldest picked out a few movies that he thought the kids would like, our middle child picked out a yellow, fuzzy, soft blanket with giraffes all over it, and our youngest contributed his favorite lullaby CD. I found myself replacing some of the comfort items that Jeremy loved so much. I was relieved to be able to still shop for him and know that these gifts would help someone else, another child. I know these gifts will not erase the experience at the PICU but at least they may provide a smile or comfort them in some small way.
We of course visited Jeremy's grave and I was proud to remember flowers this time. I even found sunflowers in November. It was raining and bitter cold. I was angry. I wanted to stand there or sit there and just have a peaceful moment with him. I laughed a little knowing that Jeremy probably wanted it this way. He wouldn't want me to be standing there crying over his grave. He taught me that we have only been promised this very moment in time and to make the best of it, no matter what. He doesn't want me to waste so much time being sad all the time.
The next day we had the amazing privilege of being able to hold a blood drive in his memory. My grateful heart is overflowing. This is my grateful heart list. I do not intentionally mean to leave anyone or anything out. Please forgive me if an oversight is made. If an oversight happens, it is only in this posting not in our hearts.
We are grateful for the location that was made available to us to use for the blood drive. I am grateful for each of the prayer warriors who are employed at this location. You did a true act of kindness offering your space and allowing us to infringe a little on your time and usual routine. We hope that your space was returned to it's rightful condition.
We are grateful for the individual who helped us get the ball rolling on this blood drive back in September, secured the date, and took care of the details so I could focus on the meal that I was planning in October.
I am grateful for the Red Cross. Without this organization, these types of events could not take place. I am grateful for the individuals that made the blood units and products available for Jeremy when he needed it most.
I am thankful for the coordinator at the Red Cross who made the whole planning process so easy. I'll gladly do it again.
I am thankful for the Red Cross employees who took such good care of our prayers warrior donors!
There were well over 54 prayer warriors, scheduled to donate this time and then many walk in donors as well. What a gift! We collected 44 units of blood at this drive. The Red Cross said that to date over 150 units of blood and many other units of platelets have been donated in Jeremy's honor and memory . Each unit can help up to as many as three individuals. Can you imagine the lives that have been touched by this compassion? Even better, these units of blood have been covered in prayer. The individuals who will receive these units have been prayed for. . . ahh, the power of prayer! I am so grateful and thankful for each and every donor!!
I am grateful for the 12 first time donors. I admire each of you for your strength and willingness to be brave. I pray that you discovered the true gift that you gave to someone, a complete stranger, and felt a power in your soul knowing that your compassion and generosity gave someone a second chance at life. May you each find the desire in your hearts to donate again sometime soon. I also pray that you may inspire someone else to donate blood as well.
I am grateful for everyone's patience the day of the blood drive. There was a shortage of staff and then the master computer crashed. The Red Cross needed to call in and verify each donor's eligibility which really started to slow things down. I am grateful for the delivery of the new computer.
I am grateful for the donors who came and tried their best to donate but were unable for various reasons. We are grateful for your willingness to try and give blood. Perhaps, another time. If not, there are so many other ways to help others. Please do not be discouraged.
I am grateful for the donors that donated elsewhere at other locations, dates, and times, in honor and memory of Jeremy.
I am grateful for the countless sitters that watched children so that their parents could attend the blood drive.I am grateful for the individual who donated hours of her time to call each and every donor with a reminder call the weekend before the blood drive. You have such a giving heart.
I am grateful for my Bake Sale coordinator. You are the SWEETEST person I know! Thanks for your hard work to make this aspect of the event such a success. Thanks for sacrificing over 12 hours of your time and family time to be such a great friend to us.
I am grateful for each and every baker, young and old! Without your donations, the bake sale would not have been possible! In addition, I have so many recipes to request! I feel a cookbook fundraiser bubbling to the surface!
I am grateful for each person that came to the event to shop at the bake sale. We raised over $800 for Jeremy's Foundation because of your generosity!
I am grateful for the opportunity to support the PICU in their efforts to make a difference in the lives of critically ill children and their families. I am grateful to have the power to do something positive in Jeremy's memory.
I am grateful for my sunshine team that visited the PICU that evening to spread some cheer and share some sweets.
I am grateful for our PICU family. You are never far from our hearts and I love that you welcome us with hugs and smiles each time we visit. We admire your courage and willingness to care for sick children and their families. You have a tough job but oh so rewarding. You make a difference in the world. Do you even know the impact that you each leave on the hearts of each and every patient and their families???
I am grateful for the individual at the hospital who will take the time to help me find ways to have a positive impact on the lives of others. I am grateful for the opportunity to honor Jeremy's memory.
I am grateful for Jeremy's pediatrician. You say that I am amazing, well you are amazing as well. I am humbled that you took the time to attend the blood drive and offer your support. You have had our backs this whole time and yet you continue to extend your compassionate heart to us in our many hours of need. Your support means so much to us, still. We are thankful to have you in our lives.
I am grateful for Jeremy's surgeon. I was so happy to see you and feel honored that you thought enough of us and Jeremy to take the time to attend this event. You will have a special place in our hearts forever. You have a precious gift. It is an honor to know you and watch the miracles that you have a part of every single day!
I am grateful for the creative individual who made a wreath using the blue bracelets. It was such a meaningful decoration and we will cherish it always. We had purchased 1000 bracelets and they were delivered the Friday before Jeremy passed away. I have held onto them for months and was unable to throw them away. However, I had no idea what to do with them. I am grateful for the time, creativity, and effort that this person put into making this tribute to Jeremy.
I am grateful for the individual who purchased pizza for everyone the night of the blood drive. Your kindness and generosity was appreciated. Many hungry tummies were filled thanks to you. You also kept countless individuals from passing out.
I am grateful and humbled by the other PICU families that have been forever woven into our hearts. We may have walked those halls of the PICU together for a period of time but we are bound together for good. We thank you for supporting us and helping us out. We are eternally grateful for your support and love.
I am grateful for our family and dear friends that took such loving care of our other children throughout the day so we could devote our attention to the blood drive. We had no worries. . .
I am grateful for the generous donations of copies, babysitting hours, etc. You helped us give more to others who really need to feel love and compassion.
I am grateful for the prayer warriors that have continued to lift us up in prayer. Thank you for not letting us go, times are still tough and the pain is ever so great. Thank you for the many prayers said on behalf of a successful blood drive.
I am grateful to my husband for his unconditional love, support and patience. This journey is tough but we will reach our planned destination someday and our family will be reunited. I am grateful for our marriage and our ability to hold on, even when the waves of the storm would otherwise like to rip us apart.
I am grateful for my three children on this earth who still bring many smiles and joy to my heart every day. I am honored to be your mother. I promise to be grateful for each moment we can spend together as a family. We may be broken but we are still a family.
I am grateful for our extended family. Your unconditional love and understanding helps us continue to put one foot in front of the other, day after day. You haven't let us fall. . . Thank you for everything!
I am grateful for Jeremy. I am grateful for the happy memories and for your place in this family. Your life was a gift to so many, but especially to us, your family. I am grateful for the lessons that have been learned in so many aspects of life. I am grateful for the impact that you have and will continue to have on the lives of so many. You did it baby, you were a part of change in this world.
I am grateful for Jesus. I am grateful that you entrusted Jeremy to me, even if only for six short months. You have made everything in my life that is good, better and worthwhile and everything in my life that wasn't or isn't so good, bearable. You carry me when I cannot go on. NO matter where I am, you are by my side and you love me. I am thankful for what I have because of your presence in my life. I am thankful for the gift of my life and all the countless blessings that you have filled it with. I am grateful for your love and your promise to this world. Through this storm, while I still don't understand your ways, I will praise you.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Angel Mail #3
Dear Jeremy,
Six months have gone by since the day you left this earth to be with Jesus. I told you that day to run along sweet boy, grab ahold of Jesus' hand and never let go. I also told you not to look back and worry about us. We'll meet again and get to spend eternity together. I remember that moment so well. I realize now, that holding you as you left your earthy body to go to your forever home was a gift, a gift that not every parent of a critically injured or ill child gets to have. I am thankful that I was able to hold you one last time and feel your little hand squeeze mine. I cherish every single moment spent with you.
I still have no worries about you sweet boy. I know that you are perfect in every way now. God has healed you from all the things that we could not heal here on earth.
I feel you here with us all the time. If you see my cry, it's because I miss you so very much and the distance between you and I seems so inmeasurable. My human heart still aches and searches for you. Not a moment goes by that I don't think of you. You taught so many people such valuable lessons. People are so kind to share with us all of the stories of how you have changed their lives. For that, we are grateful. I am so proud of you son. As time goes by I can see, more and more clearly, the purpose that God had for your life here on earth. I still can't help to wonder why and still wish that things had ended differently for you, but accept that God will explain it all to us someday. Patience is hard my child, it is so hard.
Love, will live on and never leave. You will be in my heart forever.
Love,
Mommy
Six months have gone by since the day you left this earth to be with Jesus. I told you that day to run along sweet boy, grab ahold of Jesus' hand and never let go. I also told you not to look back and worry about us. We'll meet again and get to spend eternity together. I remember that moment so well. I realize now, that holding you as you left your earthy body to go to your forever home was a gift, a gift that not every parent of a critically injured or ill child gets to have. I am thankful that I was able to hold you one last time and feel your little hand squeeze mine. I cherish every single moment spent with you.
I still have no worries about you sweet boy. I know that you are perfect in every way now. God has healed you from all the things that we could not heal here on earth.
I feel you here with us all the time. If you see my cry, it's because I miss you so very much and the distance between you and I seems so inmeasurable. My human heart still aches and searches for you. Not a moment goes by that I don't think of you. You taught so many people such valuable lessons. People are so kind to share with us all of the stories of how you have changed their lives. For that, we are grateful. I am so proud of you son. As time goes by I can see, more and more clearly, the purpose that God had for your life here on earth. I still can't help to wonder why and still wish that things had ended differently for you, but accept that God will explain it all to us someday. Patience is hard my child, it is so hard.
Love, will live on and never leave. You will be in my heart forever.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
450
Lots of ideas for this post have danced in my head for the last two days. Please bear with me as I give in a little to the exhaustion that has come as a result of an emotional two weeks. I just couldn't let another day go by without at least sharing a little of the details.
With all of your help, (drum roll please) we have now given 450 people a life changing gift! Wow!
The Red Cross estimated that there have been close to 150 units of blood donated in memory and honor of Jeremy. I think that's something to be proud of!
The bake sale was a huge success too! We raised almost $800.
The wreath pictured above was made by a very special friend. It was made using the famous blue bracelets and blue bows. It even has a special angel which you can't see too well from the photo, but it has Jeremy's birthstone in it. It is truly amazing don't you think? We love it and look forward to hanging it on our front door for all to see.
Lots more details and thankful thoughts to come. . . stay tuned.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
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