A New Holiday Tradition

It is a tradition that I thought our family would never have.


Yesterday, we went to the store to pick out artificial Christmas flowers.

We drove to the cemetery where we would decorate a grave, Jeremy's grave for Christmas.


There were a lot of other families there yesterday doing the very same thing. . .

Most of the graves in the section where Jeremy is buried were already decorated. I felt horrible getting there so late. I just didn't have the strength to go until yesterday.


I did feel better after it was done. I took florist foam and floral tape, but I wasn't successful using either of them so it will be interesting to see if the flowers actually stay for a period of time. Of course it was windy today so time will tell. . .


My two year old walked up with his hands in his pockets looked down at Jeremy's grave and said "Hi, Jeremy."


My daughter buckled to her knees in the mud and started to cry, talk to Jeremy, and pray.

My oldest was so concerned about me and watched every move so carefully.


All of the kids were eager to help decorate their brothers grave for Christmas. It was beautiful having all of us there together. I just wish with all my heart it didn't have to be this way.


My grandparents are buried right beside Jeremy so I was pleased to decorate their grave as well. My other family members have been helping me to tend to Jeremy's grave, so it felt good to help them out too for a change.


I never thought I would be this person, tending to the graves so meticulously. I used baby wipes to wipe away the mud from the headstones and scraped pine needles and other fallen leaves from the bases as well.


I am numb. I wanted to decorate our tree with his first Christmas ornaments and then the new ones from this year. I wanted to watch him enamored with the lights and ornaments on the tree. I wanted to see him not care about the presents and only play with the tissue paper, ribbons, bags, and bows. I wanted to fill his stocking. I guess I have all the memories from the other three and I assumed he would follow in their footsteps.


He followed the footsteps that really matter. Letting Jeremy go was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. He grabbed the hand of Jesus on April 1st and he followed those footsteps holding onto Jesus' hand to his eternal home in heaven on June 8th. Jeremy's life was a gift that keeps on giving. He has changed hearts in more ways than one but none more than mine.

I pray that I can hold on to the good he has done for me, my family, and for many others out there in the world this Christmas and let my heart be filled with that peace. I pray that my heart can embrace the true meaning of Christmas and not the commercial aspects.