Finding Sunshine

I am so thankful that I have three beautiful, healthy, and energetic children here on earth. Jeremy will always be a part of who we are as a family and he has also shaped who will become as individuals. We will never forget him. My children are the reason that I get up every day. They are the reason that I forge ahead amidst the rain, even on the darkest days. They keep my head out of the hole that I want to hide in sometimes.


I am thankful for my husband. Where would I be without you? While our pain doesn't always bring out the best in us, we're a family, and we'll survive with the help of God. Our feet are firmly grounded in him and that is truly a blessing. We will find our way and someday we will smile again and feel it within our souls.


This summer we have taken the time to just take one day at a time. To spend time in the moment. To take each day as it comes, to allow ourselves to just "Be As You Are", and to accept ourselves however that may be. I am thinking of a old poster I used to see at school with Calvin and Hobbes faces all over it. There were cartoon faces depicting almost every feeling that you could think of. I could probably check a lot of those feelings off every day. No one in our family feels the same thing at the same time. We can give one another comfort as needed. My children really are witnessing a wide range of emotions this summer.


We have lived more fully this summer. We make the most of each day and have taken a close look at what really matters. I am fairly confident that many of you reading this have done the same with your families. I am determined to make the best of the childhood years with my earthly children. I do not want this great grief and despair to eat us alive and tear apart our family. The children made a list of the things that we wanted to do this summer. With the exception of one item, we have managed to accomplish the rest. I am impressed and I feel good that I was able to reach that goal for the sake of the children.


We have enjoyed the most fabulous sunsets each night and feel the rays of sunshine shining down on us. We stay up longer. We read that one more book. We snuggle longer and more often. We say "I love you" more frequently. We try our best to let the nuances of life to roll off our backs more. (It is so easy for me to feel frustrated daily)

I am relieved to have found an answer to the dreaded question "How many children do you have?" I've personally found it easier to have a prompt ready to go when I find myself in a situation where that conversation is likely to ocme up.

I am thankful for the people who are courageous enough to revisit their own painful tragedy face to face to support me through mine. This is a journey you hope and pray that another parent never has to walk, but they do. I really have taken every word that has been shared with me to heart.

I am thankful for the folks that have gotten out the buckets and have let me cry, rant, and rave when I need to. Grief is an exhausting process for everyone involved. My life is a heavy load right now. Thank you for loving me through the pain and allowing me to evolve into the new me. The spin cycle is still on, where she stops, no one knows.

I am thankful for the time to share with friends. I cherish each and every one of you. I am also thankful for the new friendships that have been formed at the PICU. You all remain in our daily thoughts and prayers.

Thank you Jesus for giving me the mercy ,grace, and strength to get through each day. I know you are right there beside me every step of the way.

I am thankful for so much. . .