Mosiac Tiles

Mosiacs.

These are some pretty cool works of art. Each tile, while different and unique, works together with many other tiles and makes a rather beautiful piece of art.

I feel like a mosaic most days of my life. I am filled with deep and profound emotion that spans both extremes of the spectrum and everything in between. It is the most bizarre feeling to feel such a wide range of emotion all at once. It is exhausting I tell you.

Sometimes I laugh at myself and wonder which tile is winning each day? When one of those bumpy tiles starts to take center stage for attention, my initial reaction is to try so hard to surround it with the smooth, polished, beautiful stones. Finding Sunshine. That surely works some of the time. However, lately, I am also finding it better to just be still with the tile that is shattered, broken, rough around the edges, and imperfect. I am labyrinthing through yet another phase of my grief that was just too painful to deal with earlier in my journey. Acknowledgement and acceptance, again. I have also given up the hope that since I know what to expect, it will hurt less, because that simply stated isn't true. I am working hard to remember that this one tile or group of broken tiles, do not define ALL that I am. They are indeed part of me and always will be, I am forever changed. I am more that the brokenness, even when I can't see beyond it. There are beautiful, smooth, polished, admirable stones there too. Each mosaic tile/stone working together to make me the person that I am today. I can only hope that while I feel utterly messed up and all over the place, that someone out there appreciates the beauty in what I have become to date on each day. God does. That is enough. It should be enough. Funny how the one person that I crave that grace from the most is myself. Why do we as humans crave more in our flesh? I am accountable to one and only one.

I felt the clouds slowly rolling in but now I know for sure that I feel their density above me. One day at a time. Here we go. Reminder to self... be sure and restock my tissue supply and to also switch back over to waterproof mascara!