Dear Jeremy,
Today would be your first day of school if you were here with us on earth. Your brother would be at the same school. Life as we planned is not happening and today is yet another reminder of a life changed forever...
At school this morning there will be a sea of smiles and yes, tears too. There will be the mothers that cry because they must let their little ones go for a short time while they learn at school. There will be the kids who cry because they do not want to let go of Mom's gentle presence. They will reconnect in a few short hours and all will be right with their part of the world again. This may be in fact the exact thing that I experience with your older brother.
My mind is stuck on a particular group today. I am imagining a group of mothers that were expecting their little miracles at the same time that I was expecting you sweet son. I am imagining their place at school today. I want to imagine yours too but I can't. I'm afraid of seeing those precious three year olds today and how it will really feel to not see you standing there with your blue bag waiting to fill the school year with new growth, lots of learning, fun, and new friends.
Jeremy, you GRADUATED LIFE with honors. Simply stated yet profoundly true. I will do my best to stay focused on that very thought this morning when the pain threatens to sweep me under.
These kinds of days just keep coming and I have not figured out how to stop the pain thus far. I learned to just face the pain no matter the force, what else can I do?
You may not be with me at school, but you are and always will be forever in my heart!
Love,
Mommy
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