There is physical pain. The nurse asks "What number are you?" The answer to this question helps the nurse to manage the pain. When your answer is a ten you have little expectations do accomplish much. You give into the pain and pray that the wound heals and the pain subsides.
Yesterday was a TEN. My emotional pain can transcend to physical pain at times. The pain makes it ever so difficult to function in the everyday world.
Today the physical markers of that pain showed up. The red, puffy eyes, exhaustion, stomach discomfort, fog, and lack of focus.
I am sad. It is okay to be sad. My life is different now. Jeremy is gone from this world and I am allowed to miss him. I am allowed to give into my grief and just cry myself to sleep.
It hurts. A part of me will always hurt. I loved him well. He loved me well. He loved his family well.
I will always have a special place in my heart for my son. He filled that special place with love beyond imagine yesterday...I am grateful.
1 comment:
As I sat and rocked my two year old daughter tonight before bed (she doesn't allow me to do that much anymore, so I just sat and treasured the moment ;), my thoughts led me back to the many nights I rocked her as a baby....holding her and praying desperately for your sweet Jeremy. I'm so sorry for your pain and wish there was something I could do. Tongiht, I prayed that you and your family would be able to rest. I asked our amazing God to take away your pain and fill you with His peace that passes all understanding...to wipe away your sad tears and fill your heart with His joy. I pray you are continually reminded of His love and grace and how Almighty our God truly is. I love you even though we've never met.
tara
(Amy W. introduced me to your family's story when Jeremy was a baby)
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