Busy Week

It has been a busy week, which has been both good and bad. Good because it can sometimes provide temporary anesthesia from hurting so badly. I can get lost in the moment with the other kids and get so busy taking care of their every day needs that it feels good not to be consumed every waking second with thoughts of Jeremy. Unfortunately those thoughts get stored up somehow, even without trying to save them for later. The physical and emotional exhaustion that are present at the same time can be very bad!


The worst time for us still seems to be at night when the children are asleep in their beds, all is quiet in our house and everything "should" be right in the world. I hurt the most when I hold my youngest son as he drifts off into the Land of Nod. He looks so much like Jeremy. The feelings and memories of Jeremy's last few moments with us are forever etched in my heart. When I look down at my youngest son, his eyes flicker open a few times to make sure he isn't missing a thing more fun then giving in to his exhaustive state. It is then that I find myself wishing Jeremy had opened his eyes and proved us all wrong just one more time. I am grateful for the many miracles that I have come to know that happened through Jeremy, but I still long for the one that I wanted and prayed to happen, for him to be healed. I guess in some senses that miracle did happen. Jeremy has eternal life now. He is no longer suffering and is now perfect in every way. I still wish I could just see for myself that he is okay. My faith tells me to believe in what I cannot see and know that I will see him again.


On Saturday I had the great priviledge and honor of taking part in a Crop for a Cause and Silent Auction event that some of my CM family and friends sponsored. All proceeds from the day were given to our family in honor of Jeremy, to help with medical bills and other costs that have encrued due to Scott missing so much time at work. It was wonderful in so many ways! Thank you Kati, Veronica, Robin, Suzy, Julie, Kim, and Sharleen. Thank you for everything! In addition I thank those of you who sponsored or donated an item for the auction, gave generously to the Memorial Fund, or helped in other ways to make this event possible and rewarding for all who attended, especially me. My thankful and grateful heart also appreciates the generosity of my church for allowing us to use the facility free of charge. I also thank each and every person who came to the event! Thank you!!! As I said that day, I'm glad that each and every one of you are there on this journey with me to hold the umbrella for us in this devasting storm of life and to help us see the sun shining every day.


I was amazed at the turnout of family, friends, and new friends that came out to support us. We were unable to experience for ourselves the other events that were held in Jeremy's honor. We had always heard quite moving descriptions of what the events were like but could never "feel" it for ourselves completely. Amazing is the only word that comes to mind. It was so nice to see my friends again and to meet some of the "Prayer Warriors" in person. I can't describe the feeling that comes over me as people share a little bit of how their lives have changed because of Jeremy. I was humbled to meet other mothers who have also lost a child and came forward to share their stories with me. I appreciated their compassion and courage to come face to face with their pain, in hopes of helping me. In addition, I also had the courage to begin Jeremy's album. It is bittersweet working on this album project. It will certainly be unlike anything that I have ever done before. I ask for your prayers to give me the strength and courage I need to complete this task. I appreciate the help of so many fellow scrappers to get it done so that we as a family can cherish our memories of Jeremy forever.


We continue to be amazed everyday at the outpouring of support that comes to our family. We appreciate the cards, phone calls, meals, baked treats, fruit, offers of lending helping hands, visits, and many other creative ways that members of our community have embraced us during this difficult time. We have no way of expressing to you how appreciative we truly are. Although it isn't easy, we also love when people talk with us in public places and share how Jeremy has changed their lives. It feels me with such pride to know the good that has come from such a tragedy. Don't ever wonder whether your deeds are helping us in some way, just know that we are forever grateful and could not survive this storm without your help.

There is so much more that I want to write about. . . stories for another day. I'll try to post again soon.

Amy