How's this for timing. . . All in a day's work.
We said good bye to the toddler bed this afternoon. Our youngest was sleeping in one of the adorable toddler beds for a few months. He is an active sleeper and rolls around a lot. We've discovered that when he sleeps in a larger bed, he seems to sleep better. All three of my older children have slept in that bed during the toddler years. A new mattress set was purchased thanks to the Thanksgiving sales. The toddler bed came down for the very last time today and with it another tidal wave of grief washed in.
Jeremy will not sleep in this bed. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever! We've added two cribs, two crib mattresses, and a toddler bed to the stack of Jeremy's stuff in our garage today. It is not supposed to be there!!!
Our youngest child's room is all his now. Good for him, bad for Mommy's heart. He was to share the room with his younger brother. One year ago, things were so very different in our house. They were supposed to share so much as they grew up together. In the past I have beamed with excitement as each of my children reached a new milestone. I can't seem to find that "whole" happy self as my little one screams with delight over his new "Big Boy" bed. I'm happy for him and sad for me all at the same time. Another multiple personality moment again.
Tears flow as I watch my husband maneuver down the stairs and past the basement door. These items will not go into our closet in the basement where they usually stay while waiting for the next child to grow into them. My husband continued past the basement door and into the garage and all too soon they will be gone from our house forever, just like Jeremy.
I am devastated!! This is just too much all at one time.
Lord, please calm me with the peace that only you can give me. My hands quiver and shake even at this very moment. Please carry me, I can't walk any farther. I can't do this.
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