I unexpectedly needed to be the parent wrapping ALL of the gifts tonight. I was so deeply sad that my husband could not be a part of this Christmas tradition with me, wrapping gifts for our children.
You see the numbness has fully worn off and I feel everything and anything!
I am blessed to be fortunate enough to wrap gifts for three children, but my heart wants to wrap for four...Was it so much to just want to wrap gifts with my husband? I needed him to wrap gifts tonight and to be beside me with this pain...it was too much...
I miss Jeremy,his presence in my life, and in our family every day, but most especially during holidays. During the holidays, when in the presence of family, Jeremy's absence from the day is so very real, painful, and even confusing.
I purchased gifts for Jeremy to donate to the hospital, but it wasn't the same, not even close. I fell apart. I wanted to wrap the very gifts that were on his Santa list too. I wanted to feel the same the joy anticipating the joy in eyes on Christmas morning too, just like the others. I fell apart. I need to allow myself to do that sometimes.
I purchased the ornament pictured above this week and was very proud to hang it on our tree. I know it is really referring to Jesus but I could not help but to be reminded of Jeremy too.
He reached my soul in ways that I never even imagined. A true gift...
I pray that I can remain in focus of the true meaning of Christmas, the true and only gift that our Savior was born to save us one and all from the sins of this world and to redeem us for an eternal life with Him. I give praise and thanksgiving to God that our Savior Jesus Christ "was born in the poverty of Bethlehem so that I might enjoy the riches of His grace and the exhaltation of Sonship with Him." Taken from My Prayer Book, a gift from a dear friend.
With A Most Grateful Heart,
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