Dear 2009

Dear 2009,

I thought I'd be asleep by now but here I am still awake and trying to make sense of some rather deep thoughts in my mind.

You filled my life with many beautiful, joyful, and memorable moments. You also dispensed a fair share of painful moments too.

As I reflect on the past year, the one thought that easily comes to mind is "deep". I have spent the last 365 days in a place of deep thought, deep reflection, and deep processing mode. The thoughts in my head are so constant and so loud that I sometimes wish I could turn them off and just be quiet. This place is exhausting. I long for the day when I can ride down a long, country rode, roll down the windows, let the wind blow through my hair, and just sing along to a favorite tune. A carefree moment seems so enticing!

I am grateful for the joy and love that was present in my life and in the lives of those near and dear to me. I am hopeful that 2010 will be filled with even more joy and sunshine. I want so much to believe that we are moving farther and farther from this place of such deep hurt and sorrow and yet I know that we aren't immune from the dark places in life. I have learned to appreciate each moment, each day, each experience, as an unrepeatable miracle moment. Each moment has created the very person that I am tonight, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am still standing. I am still looking for the sunshine to unfold in each new day.

I now understand that I am not leaving Jeremy behind with each passing day and in the turn of the new year. In fact, a friend reminded me that Jeremy is waiting for me in heaven. Each day that I am alive, I am one day closer to that long awaited reunion with Jeremy. I am not walking away from him but better yet toward him, and toward a life eternal with Jesus.

Thank you 2009 for the moments, the good and the not so good. They are each part of my life journey and I have so much to be thankful for.

Hoping that 2010 fills my heart with joy, peace, and sunshine. I sure could use some lighter and laughter filled moments in the next year.

With A Grateful Heart,