I was able to take advantage of some quiet time in the woods today. There has been a lot of busyness in my life lately. I was presented with a choice to stay busy or to take a moment to pause and enjoy a fleeting moment of peace. I chose to find some sunshine and soak in the peace this afternoon. I think I chose wisely.
There is so much pain and suffering in this world. As I stand in the midst of my own pain, facing daily the death of my own child, it certainly causes me to see and react to the pain and suffering of others differently. There have been a number of people facing some pretty tough things in the last week or so. Having traveled on this road for some time now, one might think they know a thing or two about this suffering that so many experience in this world. Sadly, I do not. I am unable to offer any words of wisdom on how to explain it. I have learned it can only be approached with much love. Love others? Well, I can surely do that. I can love from trenches of life that I did not ever think I would experience. I pray daily to find the strength to not ask WHY? but HOW? How can I use this pain? Lord how can I use this pain to bring glory to Your name? Some days this is the pain that will pull you under if you let it. This is the pain that waits to pounce on you each morning as you crawl out of bed, before your cup of coffee, before you have had a chance to make sense of the morning light. This is also the very pain that makes you stop and see the world in a different light, which in my view, has been a gift.
This morning, I'll admit, I was allowing the pain to win. Was it weakness? Yep. Sleep deprivation? Yep. The time of year? Yep. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yep, that too. This morning the pain allowed me to remember all four of my children in car seats awaiting the arrival time of preschool under the fall trees in the school driveway. I saw the same beautiful trees, the same seats, the same school, only this time there are only three children. There really are four, I just can't see one. The tears were flowing all the way home and my heart was aching. The enemy wanted nothing more than for me to reside in the pain and spend all day trying to figure out how it was that I arrived at this point in my life having given birth to four children but only seeing three grow and develop on earth.
I arrived back home was determined not to crawl back into bed. I put one foot in front of the other, took a deep breath, and decided that I wasn't going to sit back and LET it win today. I set out to FIND SUNSHINE and I did. It's always nice to share sunshine when you find it in the world.
It was a beautiful fall day today. I was running errands this afternoon when a small detour entered my life. There was construction on a road I was traveling on and I was forced to take in the fall sights all around me while I waited for the traffic to flow again. There was a strong nudging to breathe it all in, so I did. My...Oh my...did I breathe in a breath of peace. The splendor of fall colors was magnificent! I was hooked. I took every back road I could think of to get to my eventual destination. I had time to play with, for once in my life...In the end, I think I used my time very wisely!
The smell in the woods was full of fall aromas like the leaves and mums in full bloom. How often do we stop to appreciate the little things in life? I feel corny sometimes, but really, there is pure and simple joy found in things like the smell of flowers in full bloom. The leaves were crunching under my footsteps and the sound of the stream water gently rolling over the rocks was very peaceful. The sound of the leaves rustling in the wind was also very calming to my soul. Then, watching the leaves fall slowly to the ground was like nature's confetti reminding me that LIFE in and of itself, is a celebration. It was such a gift to also catch the view of the Rays Of Sunshine shining through the clouds. That very image made me smile from the inside out. The unexpected hour alone in the woods was just what I needed and it seemed like the world stood still, just for a moment, for me to catch my breath.
Life is a gift. Breathe it in. Make something of it. Cherish it. Allow yourself the time to relax enough to see it for what it really is. Endeavor to experience what it throws your way. LOVE with all your heart and soul. Hold nothing back. LIVE WELL.
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