Eleven Months

Eleven months have gone by since I last held my son.


There simply aren't words to express the wide range of emotions that rage within my soul. I miss him so very much. That is the one fact that remains constant and true each and every moment of every single day.


In some ways it feels like yesterday that we were in the midst of this horrible tragedy and yet other days it seems like I wait for an eternity for nightfall to arrive to mark the end of a day. Life has continued to move on... Some days it is harder than others. I do my best each day to "Find Sunshine". Today is one of those days when it is just so hard. I have cried until my soul has been emptied out.

I just wish with all my might that things were different.

I have focused on this scripture verse a lot lately. John 14:1 "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.

I've been singing this song in my head all day long...Who Is There Like You by Paul Oakley

Who is there like You?
And who else would give their life for me?
Even suffering in my place
And who could repay You?
All of creation looks to You
And You provide for all You have made

So I’m lifting up my hands
Lifting up my voice
Lifting up Your name
And in Your grace I rest
For Your love has come to me and set me free
And I’m trusting in Your word
Trusting in Your cross
Trusting in Your blood and all Your faithfulness
For Your power at work in me is changing me


Yes, I am angry, I am hurt, I am even sad. Yet, in the midst of it all, I trust that Jeremy is safe in the loving care of Jesus and that I will see him again someday.

So here I am Lord, I am trusting in Your cross. Today I will come and bear my soul to you. I will rest and take comfort in Your grace. I will allow myself to be transparent to the world so that others may see the power of Your work within me. I am Your child. My life belongs to you.