Seventy Eight

A few weeks ago, I emotionally began to prepare for Mother's Day. I knew it would be a hard day. It would be a bittersweet day to give thanks for the lives of my four children and the priviledge of being their mother, but I also knew it would be hard since one of those precious babies is no longer within my earthly reach. As it has been in the past, we began by discussing our options. What ways could we choose to celebrate that would allow us to be able to handle the day emotionally. Any choice we could make isn't without pain. The question is always how much pain can we bear? To be honest, certain choices that we could make only have the potential of increasing our pain in the end. We are facing a time where we need to allow ourselves permission to guard our hearts against such pain and to make our decisions wisely. I can assure you that a grieving heart has a difficult time making decisions because nothing feels totally right anymore. Someone very special is missing from the equation and that changes everything.

It was then that I felt it was placed upon my heart to do something for the mothers who would be spending Mother's Day in the hospital this year. I remember so vividly the feelings in my very own heart on Mother's day last year. I remember the pain, fear, sadness, and even helplessness. I also remember love, hope, peace, and compassion. None the less, what I wouldn't have given to be celebrating my very first Mother's Day as Jeremy's mother, at home with him in my arms. That never happened. Sadly it never happened...

So here I am trying my best to move on, all the while, holding onto to the hand of my Lord and Savior. Trusting His word, Trusting in the cross. I am opening my soul to be transparent to witness the Power of God working within me each and every day.

I have thought many times about the depths of pain and sadness that I feel. To this very day, I still feel powerless in some senses. I cannot change my situation at all. However, I have a choice each and every day of what I am going to do with my feelings about my situation. It is not without pain, but I choose life. I choose life each and every day and I have since June 8, 2008.

As I thought about Mother's Day I thought about how I could relate to these Moms at the hospital. I can relate to their feelings, their hopes, their fears, and just about everything inbetween. I also remain so very grateful for all that was done for me and my family during the worst time in our lives. I will never forget the thousands of ways that others shared their love, support, and prayers for our family. I will never forget as long as I live.

Philippians 2: 1 -5

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Mothers of children in the PICU and the house where we stayed for so long will always remain close to my heart. I can choose to do something to help them. I can carry them to Jesus. I can pray for their children and for their families as they cope with circumstances and pain that are unimaginable and unthinkable to most people. I can show compassion...I can invite others to join me.

The only miracle reported in each of the four Gospels, besides the resurrection, is the feeding of the five thousand. If it is worth repeating four times, it must be worth hearing. What seemed ridiculous to the disciples was in fact simple for Jesus. He said to them "How many loaves do you have?" With the loaves that they had on hand, Jesus fed the hungry. Most of us don't realize the "loaves" we have have in our own lives, the ways that we can help and nourish those who live among us. With the help of God, we can feed and help others in our own lives. If we give what we have back to the Lord we will stand back and be amazed at what he can do with it. God takes our "loaves" and feeds those around us ... This is truly the explanation for what happened to this Mother's Day project.

I invited others to participate . I am merely a vessel. I hoped that I would be able to receive 41 gifts but honestly I did not know if I would or could reach my goal. I gave my desires over to God. Well... God provided all right. He surpassed my goal and all my expectations. It is my honor to share with you that with the help of God and so many other Moms and families, 78 mothers received a Mother's Day bag full of gifts! I said SEVENTY EIGHT! Amazing... tears fill my eyes just thinking about it. The bags were stuffed, we honestly could not fit another item in the bag if we wanted to. Together, we impacted the lives of seventy eight mothers. Seventy seven mothers felt compassion from complete strangers. That is beautiful. We may never know the ripple effect of such kindness when someone needed it most. This most likely wasn't the joyous day that these mothers had hoped for. I can only pray that, even for a moment, that they felt the loving embrace of other mothers who care and certainly found peace knowing that God hasn't left their sides, not even for a second.

So I will close with the most sincere gratefulness and appreciation for those of you that contributed an item/donation or prayed for the success of this project. Thank you for giving your "loaves" of love to share with a mom who really needed to feel loved. Thank you for helping me to have a healthy and productive distraction from my pain.

With a Most Grateful Heart,