Darkness

Emilie Griffin writes " Darkness is one foot in front of another ... It is doing what comes to hand without feeling or seeing the grace by which it is to be done. Do you remember when we were children, how we could not feel ourselves growing? The change in us could not be sensed until someone else insisted we had become taller and measured us against himself. Darkness, then, is that growth that comes in silence and remaining still... The goal in darkness, is not to whimper about it, but to live it, while it lasts, as deeply as any other gift God gives us in experience. One day, without knowing how or why, something has lifted. The darkness has simply gone away..."

Darkness is my life now...

Will a darkness of this kind really just go away? Hmmm...

Am I growing...you bet! I am this whole new person and I am getting to know her a little more each day. I imagine it is hard to be my family and friends watching this process and wondering who I will be in the end when the darkness has gone away...if it goes away... is it a choice?

I can relate to putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to think too much.
I want to whimper about my darkness, it hurts. It is a goal to work on each day to accept this darkness and to embrace this life. My life is a gift, even without Jeremy. Jeremy's life was a gift. I am doing just that, living through my grief and embracing what it brings to my life every single day. I am allowing myself to feel this hurt and live through this grief. I am experiencing all that it is to the fullest extent. I am growing. God is molding and shaping me all along the way.

There is so much darkness around me lately. It's hard to see others in pain.

God, I pray to you tonight. You know this darkness in my life. In fact, you know all the darkness that we could ever experience here on earth. We can look to you, for you understand our hurt. I trust that even though I cannot see you, that you are there. You will lead me to the light again and out of this darkness. You have a purpose for my darkness and I humble myself to see that purpose. I know that you love me and that you will use this darkness to achieve something good. I trust in your purpose.

I pray for those around me Lord, especially those that are suffering through their own darkness. I ask you Lord to shine your light on them and make it known to them that you are indeed with them at all times.

I pray Lord, that we all may experience peace tonight, peace that comes from being in relationship with you, our Savior. Amen