Spinning

My head is spinning. If only I could get off of this ride and find that I am just dizzy from spinning around so much. If only my life were exactly the way it was one year ago before all of this mess started. I know that won't happen. I do trust that God knows best and there is real purpose in this pain and confusion. I pray that he helps me to know that he is near. I pray that I have the necessary strength to defeat the enemy's wishes for me. We have come so far on this journey. The calendar makes me want to look back but it is so painful to even allow my mind to consider thinking about the details that surround this very date in time last year. It is too much. The numbness has worn off and the loss has settled in. I am afraid that if I revisit the past, that this time, I will truly see and feel the horrible details and events from last year.

We have a birthday in our house. Last year this birthday was filled with such happiness and hope for many blessings in life. A birthday that ended and then the next day lives were changed forever. A birthday that is worthy of and deserves that same happiness and hope but is now also painfully close to a pivotal moment in our family's history. I pray that we can disconnect the two events and not associate this birthday with such horrific pain. This special someone deserves that. We want that more than anything...please pray. Pray that we may succeed in that desire and that this special someone can do the same for themselves as time goes on.

Please keep us in your prayers as we are getting closer and closer to the traffic. It doesn't look good from here...