Update
"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received."
Albert Einstein
I did not mean to post that quote. I wasn't finished adding my thoughts...Maybe it speaks for itself!
1 comment:
What a great quote! I've never heard it before! You have been on my heart and in my thoughts very much in the past week and I could feel the Spirit moving me to lift you up and encourage you. Knowing that you are a date person, as I am as well, I realize that the approaching date of Jeremy's original ER visit is most likely in the front of your mind on a daily basis even more than it has been in the past year. As you make your way through the month of March, I'm sure your mind replays day by day the weeks you did not know would be Jeremy's last at home. Along with the memories, unfortunately, will come the pain, grief, and even guilt in your constant wondering of what else you could have possibly done differently in that time. Of course, I'm sure you know that there was nothing you could have done that would have changed the outcome, but guilt is one of those burdened emotions that Satan plagues us with. Knowing all these emotions and thoughts that you must be dealing with, my heart has been heavy as I think of you and your family and the inevitable challenges you will face in the next few months.
As I drove along the beltway yesterday, thinking of these things, I listened to some of my favorite songs on a CD that I recently compiled. I think part of the reason it was all on my mind so much yesterday was in part due to the beautiful sunny day we were enjoying. Knowing how much you love sunshine, all I could ask was, "Lord, move in Amy's heart in whatever way is needed so that she can enjoy these beautiful rays of sunshine that she craves without the constant sense of dread for the approaching dates clouding her view of your face." Just as I prayed those words, one of my favorite songs came on and pointed me back to the true source of our sunshine. I don't know if you have ever heard it but the words could not be more perfect for you! It's called "Blue Skies" by Point of Grace. Here are the lyrics:
On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It's so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And it's all I can do
To hold on til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall
That you're here next to me
And you're over it all
Lord the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy
You're the dream that's still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You're grace
You are blue skies
You're my blue skies
When nights are long seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and your mercy anew
Oh, to believe we're alive in your love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up
You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life
Isn't that a great song?! You have to hear it for yourself because the lyrics are only part of the song. Point of Grace does such a good job at driving it home through the powerful music that goes along with it. On days that I feel particularly down or discouraged, I love to play this song to help lift my spirits and help me envision the skies as blue and full of sunshine.
The best part about this whole moment came as I noticed the car in front of me. One of the rear passenger windows was open and I could just barely see a little hand sneaking out, fingers outstretched in an attempt to feel the warm breeze blowing through his fingers. Do you remember doing that as a kid? Holding your hand out the window as you rode down the street, allowing the rays of sunshine to warm your hand and the cool breeze to blow gently over your hair and face. I can remember even closing my eyes and picturing myself on a beautiful beach, the waves crashing on the shore, taking me away from the trivial things of every day life and allowing me to soak up the awesomeness of God's creation. As the breeze hit me in the face and I felt it wash over me I could even smell the hint of spring in the air. Watching that little hand stretched out in sunshine and enjoying the spring breeze that came along with it, God spoke to me so hugely in that moment. He reminded me of this. We need not crave sunshine and days with blue skies. Every day we live, we can be filled with His hope and joy, the true dream that will never die. Just as this little one stretches out his hand at the slightest opportunity to soak up rays of sun and cool fresh breezes, you too need only to stretch out your hands to the heavens, allowing yourself to be filled with His rays of Sonshine! And, no, I didn't mispell that! I replaced the "u" with an "o" on purpose! The devil will spend every day trying to make us live in sorrow, anguish, and hopelessness as he clouds our view of the Son. He never wants us to enjoy the tranquility of a spring breeze or the joy that comes with the new dawn. Satan knows that with even a little bit of hope, our hearts will continue to return to the One who gives us everything we need. For that reason, we need to approach the throne of grace just as this little one did. The Son is shining down, the breeze is blowing, and the window is open. Every day you need only stretch your arm upward and open your hands to Him to feel it fill you up and give you the strength you need. As the song ended and I watched the car exit the beltway, still with that tiny hand outstretched, the image that followed in my mind took my breath away. I pictured Jeremy doing just the same, as he stands in the presence of the Almighty. Hands outstretched, face radiating from the glow of His love, gathered around the throne worshiping Him every day. What a beautiful picture to imagine one who had never even spoken his first word here on earth, now praising His heavenly Father for eternity. How does that work?!! Hard to imagine, I know! Though, I know, it is the picture that God wants to place in your heart and mind as you deal with reliving those horrible days in the hospital. It will be hard, He knows that to be true. Yet, God is calling you, He's sending His love, shining it down through the Son, and washing your spirit clean with His fresh breeze.
As we enter into spring, don't let satan steal your sunshine, dear Amy. Don't let him take away the gifts that the Almighty longs to give you through His hope and joy. The enemy will try to take it from you every day, sometimes constantly. When he does, step outside, close your eyes, let the sun beat down on you, and feel the breeze cover you. Proclaim the Glory of the Lord and stand firm in Him! He is your hope, your dream that is still alive!! In Him you can get through anything and come out stronger on the other side.
My heart and thoughts are with you today and always. As you told your precious little one, "Hold tight to His hand and never let go".
In His Spirit,
Julie in Catonsville
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