15

Tomorrow is the last day of February. Can you believe it? I went outside a few moments ago to close my car windows. It is drizzling and I actually took a few deep breaths to see if I could smell the scent of newly fallen rain on the ground. It was there. It is warmer outside today than it has been lately and combined with the smell of rain, I am reminded that spring is on it's way.

That thought just triggered my memory to an amazing e-mail that I have seen many times and in many versions. Just maybe I am being prompted to revisit that story today. I invite you to do the same if you wish.

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/s/smellofrain.htm I tried, I am not as tech savy as I thought. I think if you try searching for the smell of rain story, you will find it. If anyone out there knows how to add links like this within text, please share!

Anyway... things are pretty hard right now. To further complicate that, Jeremy would be turning fifteen months on the 30th of this month if there were 30 days in February. I am a date person. The end of the month just brought memories of Jeremy turning a month older except there are only 28 days in February so I though of it now as the month is drawing to a close. I love my children every day and view them as true gifts from God at any age. For me, there is just something about that age at fifteen months that warms my soul. I love this age. I reflected that age with each of my other children and grew sad today thinking about what Jeremy would be like at this age.

What kind of personality would have had? What things would he do just like his siblings or what things would be different and specific to him? Obviously he liked getting lots of attention. But what else would I know about him today? What would have been his favorite toy? Those kind of thoughts are swirling in my head and in my heart today.

To comfort myself, I force myself to turn toward wondering what things he experiences in heaven. I wonder what he looks like now. I wonder if he sees us here on earth. I wonder about so very many things, things that I will never have the real answers to until I get to heaven myself.

I know God makes no mistakes with his children. I know what happened to Jeremy happened for a reason and for his own good. I am at peace with knowing that he is safe and with Jesus where nothing can ever hurt him. But...My mom heart still wants him here on earth, in my arms, playing with his siblings, taking his place in our family, using the sixth chair at our table, and experiencing life as a normal 15 month old baby boy. I don't think that will ever change.

So I don't feel like that story came to my mind by coincidence today. Maybe, just maybe, God and Jeremy wanted me to "smell" that they were here with me today and that everything is okay. Maybe God wanted me to know that he is with me, guiding me through this terribly painful time in my life. Maybe he wanted me to know that Jeremy is safe in his care until I see him again... God has been here all along.