My Sweet Jeremy,
Happy Valentine’s Day sweet angel baby. . I miss you more than words can say. My mind wanders back to this time last year. It was a sweet day and I cherish the memories of that day. I am so thankful to have these precious photos of you to hold dear in my heart forever until we can meet again.
I love you.
Mommy
Dear Lord,
Thank you for your undying love for me. Thank you for the blessings that you have given me on this earth. My cup indeed does runneth over! Thank you for sending your only son to save me , a sinner . You know and understand my pain and you have collected every tear shed from my eyes.
These days are hard. I am lost in between the two worlds of yesterday and today. I have the gift of today. I see your blessings and gifts all around me. You haven’t let go of me all these months. I am trying my best to keep looking ahead, to the life that you have planned for me. Help me to hear your voice and guide me toward your will. Forgive me... for my heart pulls me back... I remember... I remember a sweet angel that was lent to me for awhile. I remember how it felt to hold that sweet angel in my arms and to see his smile. My heart flutters just to remember those moments of pure joy. I am thankful for those moments. I am a better person for having the opportunity to experience being a mother to that sweet angel that you have since called to live eternally with you in heaven. I know in my heart that I will see Jeremy again. Help me Lord, help my heart understand and feel peace while I am apart from my child for the rest of my earthly life. It hurts today as I muster the strength to make the day special for three children and not four. It hurts to purchase Valentines and little tokens of love for three children and not four. It hurts to be a family of five and not six...I beg you to fill my heart with peace. I look at these photos and I still scream out how I just don't understand. I see my baby in my arms and I hurt. My heart wants to believe this is where he belongs, here on earth with me, but I know he belongs with you. You have a plan and I trust in your ways. I trust, but I hurt.
Lord, I know how deep your love is for me and I know that you will see me through this storm.
I am clinging to the words of this worship song tonight.
Amen
Til I see You Hillsong
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You
You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you
You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
1 comment:
I rejoice to see that in the midst of all your pain and sorrow, you are still holding on to the Savior's hand...praying for the peace that only He can give. I noticed several of my favorite songs on your play list that are also songs that took me through some of the darker times of my own life. "You are Good" by Point of Grace is one of my all time favorites! I wanted to suggest a couple more in case you haven't heard them. "Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins and "The Warrior is a Child" by Twila Paris. They are both songs that helped remind me that even though I felt the need to put on a strong face for those around me, Jesus always sees me as His child and longs to hold me and comfort me. It's nice to remember that with Him we can always let our guard down, put down our defenses, and allow Him to tend to our battle scars. He cares for every single one, I know you are aware of that. It doesn't take those feelings of pain and sorrow away, but it does help us to keep moving every day, until we grasp that prize that Jesus has for us in Heaven! Praise God that Jeremy has his prize already! Though you missed him this Valentines day, and every other minute of every single day for that matter, please find your comfort in remembering that the love he has before his eyes can never match a million valentines hearts and flowers! The moments you long to spend with him in your arms, are replaced by moments of pure splendor and majesty, bowing before the throne of the Almighty to sing praises to Him. When I miss my loved ones that have gone on to be with Him, I like to go back to Revelations and read the account of what John saw in his vision of heaven. To imagine, as the song "I Can Only Imagine" also reminds us, of the amazing eternal gift we will have when all we do is worship Him in a place that is void of pain, sorrow, or guilt. Never will Jeremy have to know, as you do, what it is like to long for something that is sooo far beyond your reach. Never will he have to know what it is like to love someone and then have to let them go. Never will he know what it feels like to wonder if Jesus is really there for him in his time of need....all he has to do is look up and he sees our wonderful savior face to face. As hard as it must be to miss your baby boy, I pray that you can turn those moments of aching into moments of praise. When you feel sorrow, praise God that your precious baby doesn't have to ever feel sorrow. When you feel abandoned, praise God that your precious baby never has to feel abandoned, as he sits in the Savior's arms. When you feel longing for that day you may hold him again, praise God that your precious baby will never need to want for more. He already has EVERYTHING in the glorious presence of our savior. Then, once you are reminded of where your baby is...allow God to take His child, you, in His arms and remind you that you are there as well. There is but a thin veil that separates us from the Almighty and we are only a breath away from meeting Him face to face. I can't wait until the day when we get to experience all that Jeremy is experiencing now. Until then, my sister in Christ, relish in the beauty of those other 3 blessings God has given you, live each day for the moment that it is, and praise Him for the traveling mate that is your husband. It is so wonderful when God does not ask us to travel these journeys alone. They are all walking with you, experiencing some of the same pains that you are. When you walk together to His throne one day, as a family of 6, He will announce, "Well done, good and faithful servants. Well done!"
In His grip,
Julie from Catonsville
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