Random Heart Today

My heart is scattered today...

We missed our therapy last week due to the weather. I can feel the grief like a heavy coat. I need to unload a little, it's too heavy.

As you can see we did have snow in our area last week. My husband thought I was crazy as I ran to the door every time I heard the snow plows coming down our street. I was hoping to see the yellow Care Bear so I could take a picture. It was no where to be found.

We are ready to register our third child for Pre-school. I am not ready to have two mornings a week at home alone. I wanted to be at home with my one year old who would turn two. I wanted to take him to a Mommy and Me class and have special time with him just like the others.

My two year old is getting to be more and more like a little boy every day and less and less needful of baby toys. I wasn't ready to put all of that away. Not yet.

I took the two year old to the library today for a program. Didn't think about all of the babies that would be there. Grief really is like a window that just opens so unexpectedly. Did my best to stay for the program and not to cry.

I have enjoyed my three little ones this weekend but really missing Jeremy's place in our family here on earth. I've panicked a few times this weekend when I've counted them and only got to three... I look at them and it is so sad that someone is really missing from the picture.

Grief hurts so bad sometimes that you can't cry. I found some pictures of Jeremy last night and I took my breath away to look at them but I also couldn't help myself and I kept looking. I could not put them down.

Jeremy would have been fourteen months old. I can't help but to wonder what he would be like now.
I wonder what characteristics he would have? I wonder which sibling he would be the most like?


Sunshine for today...

1. Found my favorite lip gloss finally. I have searched high and low and could not find it anywhere. Has this ever happened to you? You know you find a favorite color and　ｔｈｅｎ you just can't find it anywhere... Drugstore.com ! Praise the Lord!

2. Snuggling up reading with my daughter. She has this thing about reading ALL TEN BOOKS on the first day of the month for BOOK-IT. We technically have the whole month but she must do it all the first day. Remind you of anyone?

3. My sister was in town for the weekend. We had some good quality family fun time. I missed Jeremy being a part of that time with us. It was really good to see her and my nephew. It was also nice to meet a friend of theirs from Canada.

4. Ｓｏｆｔ　ｔｉｓｓｕｅｓ．　The tissue fairy has made another delivery. Thanks so much! I have had others interested in helping but trying to overcome the problem of posting our address on the blog. Any ideas ？ Thought about a P.O. Box but I think those are expensive. Will work on that issue and get back to it later...

5. Expresso Truffles from　Ｓｔａｒｂｕｃｋｓ！