My cup runneth over. Psalms 23:5 This was the verse from my devotional calendar this weekend. I reflected upon this verse.
My cup indeed does runneth over. Despite being in the worst storm of my life, I am able to look out and see so many blessings in my life. One blessing in particular is the love that has been poured out to us over the last year. I have been amazed by the love that has been shown to me and my family from the very first night when Jeremy went into cardiac arrest until now. Everyone should have an opportunity to feel this kind of love in their lifetime, although I would never wish this experience on anyone.
The love of God has been the most amazing experience of it all. I have never felt closer to the Lord in my whole life. I know he loves me and that he loves Jeremy too in a way that I am unable to fully understand. It is because of him that we have so many Prayer Warriors that are in our lives here on earth. These Prayer Warriors have been family, friends, and even complete strangers. You have loved us and have been the hands and feet of Jesus as our hearts were shattered by the loss of our precious son and as we have mourned his loss. Even now, you all continue to be there for us as we rebuild our new life with the help of God.
Thank you all, our prayer warriors, for continuing to hold us up when it is difficult to maneuver through this storm. Thank you for the continued meals, sunshine gifts, and words of encouragement offered to us through cards, e-mails, and phone calls. Thank you for supporting the PICU, Children's House, Red Cross, and other outreach missions that have been close to our hearts. The tissue "bank" is up and running and has been well received by the hospital. Without your support, the level of support that has been shown to these places in memory of Jeremy would not be possible. Together, we have made big difference in the lives of critically ill children and their families. I truly continue to be humbled by the thoughtful actions of others all around me. I am delighted when cases of tissues arrive on my porch, when small children request gifts for the children in the PICU in lieu of birthday gifts, when anonymous letters and encouragement arrive in the mail,when I learn of blood and platelet donations, and when sunshine items randomly show up from time to time. We know first hand the difference your love and compassion has made in our lives. It is an honor and a privilege to share that love with others who need it most today. Healing does come from helping others in need. We have received many additional requests to share the specific ways we are using our love for Jeremy to help others and I will go into more detail about that in a later post.
Please forgive me for being unable to personally answer each and every e-mail and phone call in person. I still spend many days exhausted just by the usual daily activities and staying focused on the needs of my family. I pray that your hearts feel peace knowing that EVERY word is cherished and appreciated. Please don't stop... we need your prayers and support just as much now as ever.
Thank you from the very bottom of my heart... for everything!
With a Most Grateful Heart,
Amy
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Amy,
I am currently working on the newest Beth Moore bible study, "Esther", and came across a subject I wanted immediately to share with you. To give you a little background, the portion of Esther that was being read in this section of the book was talking about Haman, a noble who was appointed a seat of high honor under King Xerxes. Haman had a personal goal to accomplish: steal, kill, and destroy all the Jews. Beth Moore addresses the fact that the description of Haman directly parallels that of the devil himself, and his primary goal. I will just quote it directly from here...
"Our enemy seeks to steal our lives and everything of value to us...Satan's agenda is to kill and destroy anything dear to God. Satan has operated through the generations primarily through human agents. You need not even wonder if the Devil was at work in and through Haman. The tie between Haman and the Devil makes more than reasonable sense. The beautifully frustrating part of Satan's insatiable bloodlust is that ultimately he cannot have what he wants. In reality, he cannot destroy even one of us who belongs to God through Christ Jesus. Satan is bereft of the power he wants most....God always trumps Satan!"
She then moves on to talk about God's amazing timing in how the message was delivered to the Jews of their impending doom...during their passover meal! The significance of the timing is so amazing to me and helps me to see how God can use something so horrible and turn it into something for His glory..
"That Passover night after the letters were posted...the Jews were reminded who they were and what God had done for them. The story of God's merciful redemption,(read during every passover meal), gave those who were willing a hope against hope. Could He who had delivered them from the Egyptians not also deliver them from the Persians? You bet He can!...Sometimes God uses the winds of a new threat to blow dust off a past miracle that has moved from our active file into the archives. Remember, Beloved! Remember what God has done for you! Remember who you are!"
Isn't Beth Moore great?! I thought of you as I read this because it brought back to mind the one reason we deal with hurting, suffering, trials, and sorrows here on earth. It is because Satan's goal is to destroy us. He doesn't want us to have hope or joy. He doesn't want us to give God glory. He wants us to succumb to fear, loathing, bitterness, and despair. When I first heard of your story, and the incredible loss you had to bear, my first reaction was fear. I clung to my children and cried, wondering how on earth you could ever live through having to give up your precious child. I just couldn't fathom how you were getting out of bed every day, knowing that you would have to face life without Jeremy here. The thought of having to part with either of my children is simply more than I can bear. Satan wanted me to have that fear. He wanted me to take the beautiful gifts that God had given me and turn it into a worry, a potential heartbreak, thinking of what I would ever do if I was in your shoes. Satan was grinning as I followed your words in your blog, thinking, "I got her now. She sees the sorrow and suffering and hopelessness Amy and her family are going through. Where is her hope now?" Then God spoke to me through your amazing ability to pick up and carry on with your life, no matter how difficult. I would read every week of another opportunity you had to praise him, even when the day before you were in the pit of sorrow. How wonderful that Satan tried to use you for his gain, and ended up showing me God's glory instead! What is ironic, as Beth states, is that in attempts to push us away from the Almighty, he often pushes us straight into His arms. He gives us reason to bow and praise the One who has been so faithful to us in the past. He uses our sufferings to try and remove all hope and joy...when really those sufferings just make us cling to the Father even more as we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is the only consistent true thing in our lives. The Father applauds you. He applauds you every day for your choice to praise Him in the pit of your sorrow. He applauds you for not letting Satan win the battle he is waging for your soul. He applauds you for making a stand, doing what is right, and trying to make the best out of every day you live. He applauds you for your effort to turn such a nightmare into good by working to provide for the PICU and other families who are struck with such heartache. Amy, he applauds you! And I thank Him for you and your willingness to let Him use you for His glory every day! I know every day is a battle...but when you grow weary and tired, look back on where you have come from, what He has done for you, and applaud yourself. You are His beloved and He is yours! Relish in that today!
Julie in Catonsville
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